Originally published by: AJN Marketing (distributed via
Playmates)
Originally packaged with: TMNT Mutation Nation Fanclub
Kit
Publication date: 1997
Contents:
The Green Pages was a promotional item for the Ninja
Turtles: The Next Mutation TV series.
*The Ninja Turtles (character bios, 2 pages)
*Venus De Milo (character bio, 2 pages)
*Turtle Trivia (quiz, 2 pages)
*Back cover blurb from Kevin Eastman
Turtle Tips:
*The Mutation Nation fanclub kit also included a
membership card, rub-on tattoos, a bandana, a banner, and the ultimate relic of
the late ‘90s: a phone card (good for 5 free minutes).
*Special thanks to Tokka and his thorough flickr account
for sharing this booklet!
Review:
I think this is the first Next Mutation anything I’ve
reviewed here at TMNT Entity. And it may
be the LAST Next Mutation anything I review here. The notoriously bad series came and went in
less than a year, so very little literature was ever published for the
franchise. No comics to speak of; just
this dinky little guide book you could only get by joining the fanclub (and how
many kids in ’97 did THAT?).
Considering it’s been a dog’s age since I last watched an
episode of the show, I’m not sure if the bios include any info that didn’t make
it to the screen. They’re a bit bland,
but at least they acknowledge how obnoxiously horny Michelangelo was in Next
Mutation: “Now that Michelangelo is almost 18, he has matured in the follow
ways: Almost none! He does, however,
crave babes as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Michelangelo is often heard saying, ‘A
warm-blooded honey needs a cold-blooded reptile!’”
Somehow, that catchphrase never caught on.
The background info makes the show sound considerably
darker than it turned out, really hyping the fact that the Turtles are now
“almost 18” and have grown up. I guess
something changed between when this booklet was written and the show was
filmed, because Next Mutation was excruciatingly childish. The booklet makes no mention of the gorilla
mob boss or the neverending stream of circus clown sound effects that drowned out
all other audio.
Being the new character to promote, Venus De Milo gets
her own 2-page spread, detailing her origins and powers. Again, prioritizing the supposedly darker
tone of Next Mutation, the origin constantly refers to Chung I’s tragic death,
never shying away from those troubling words “death” and “died” that American
BS&P censors hate so much. I mean, I
know he died in the show and all, but the way it’s phrased makes this sound
like something out of The Godfather.
There’s a weird notation in parenthesis, imbedded in the
fifth paragraph that makes it clear under no uncertain terms that Venus is
neither a sister nor cousin to the Turtles and is in no way a blood
relative. I have a feeling these bios
might have been plucked from the actual production bible for the show, as the
note is so awkwardly crammed in there, it seems like more of a heads-up for
writers than an organic part of a bio meant for mass consumption.
The trivia game is, and I’m not shitting you, pretty
hardcore TMNT geek stuff. The questions
are mostly themed around the original Mirage series, quizzing readers on what
graphic comic book inspired the cover to TMNT #1 (Ronin), what superhero was
cleverly worked into their origin (Daredevil) and what color their bandanas
were (red). It even asks you to name
print runs down to the precise digit or even how many pages were in a certain
issue.
It’s a pretty insane thing to quiz 7 year-olds on, which
again makes me think these early Next Mutation promotions were geared at older
kids or teens. Man, I wonder how they
reacted when they actually watched the show?
Lastly, the back cover includes probably the most embarrassing
photograph of Kevin Eastman ever taken:
You’ll notice Laird is nowhere to be seen, probably
because he condemned the production of the Next Mutation and wanted nothing to
do with it. But just to show I’m not
picking exclusively on Eastman, here’s a ridiculous photo of Laird on a Segway
in the mid-2000s:
The Next Mutation wound up being a catastrophic blunder, as
we all know, and spelled the end of Kevin Eastman’s involvement with the brand
for over a decade. He’d sell his
creative control to Laird shortly after this, and his entire stake in the
franchise shortly after that. Luckily,
Eastman came back in 2011 to work on the IDW comic, and it’s really freakin’
good. But for about 13 years, though,
THIS was Eastman’s last word on the Ninja Turtles. Yikes.