TMNT/Usagi Yojimbo #1

Publication date: July 19, 2017 (soft cover), September 19, 2017 (hard cover)
Originally published by: IDW (publisher), Dark Horse Comics (co-publisher)

Story, art and letters by: Stan Sakai
Colors by: Tom Luth
Collection design by: Shawn Lee
Edited by: Bobby Curnow with Philip R. Simon and Megan Walker

"Namazu, or the Big Fish Story"

Summary:

In another world, rabbit bodyguard Miyamoto Usagi is protecting travelers from a gang of highway bandits.  The travelers thank him for saving their lives and one mentions that a wise old man told them that they would be protected on their journey.  Curious, Usagi goes to visit the old man in the grotto where the travelers say they met him.  Along the way, Usagi is caught in an earthquake, the most recent in a string of them.

Arriving in the grotto, Usagi is met by Kakera-sensei, an old mystic whom he hasn't seen in some time.  Kakera tells Usagi that he needs his help in performing a task, but that Usagi's might will not be enough; he'll need companions.  Knowing whom Kakera is referring to, Usagi gathers four turtles for the summoning spell.  Kakera performs the spell and the turtles are transformed into the Ninja Turtles, brought over from their own world.

Usagi is eager to greet his old friends, but the Turtles get startled and attack him.  Kakera realizes that he summoned the wrong Ninja Turtles and performs a spell that allows them all to speak the same language.  Kakera and Usagi soon explain themselves and the Turtles agree to help.  As they travel, Kakera tells them the story of Namazu, the giant catfish that lives beneath Japan, whose movements cause earthquakes.  The thunder god Kashima-no-Okami pinned Namazu beneath a massive stone called the Kanameishi to stop him from moving, but a small piece of the boulder has broken off.  Kakera has come into possession of this fragment and must return it to the Kanameishi, which has been leaking power and thus allowing Namazu to become mobile again.  Alas, he fears that evil forces are out to prevent him from restoring the Kanameishi.

And he's right!  The demonic figure (and Usagi's old foe) known as Jei has gathered a small army of ne'er-do-wells to hunt down Kakera and thwart his mission.  Jei is on a "divine" mission to destroy all evil in Japan and figures if Japan is destroyed, there cannot be anymore evil in it (he's crazy).  Jei slays one henchman who speaks out of turn and the rest follow him in fear.

Later, the Turtles, Usagi and Kakera arrive at Kashima Shrine where the Kanameishi is located.  Unfortunately, Jei and his bandits stand in their way.  A massive brawl erupts and the Turtles and Usagi clear a path so that Kakera can reach the Kanameishi.  Kakera recites the ritual chant and is about to place the rock into the Kanameishi when Jei appears behind him, poised to strike.  Leo and Usagi are too late to stop him, but Kakera finishes the ritual just in time.  There is a huge explosion as the Kanameishi sinks back into the earth (re-pinning Namazu) and Jei vanishes in the chaos.

Kakera and Usagi thank the Turtles for their help, and though the Turtles would like to stay and explore for a bit, Kakera insists that it is time they leave.  Bidding farewell, Kakera repeats the ritual and the Turtles are sent home, being replaced with the normal turtles.  Usagi gathers them up to release them in a safe pond and parts ways with Kakera.


Turtle Tips:

*According to editor Bobby Curnow, this one-shot takes place between TMNT (IDW) #72 and TMNT (IDW) #73.

*Miyamoto Usagi last encountered the Mirage TMNT, at least in a recorded adventure, in Usagi Yojimbo (Vol. 2) #3.  However, TMNT (Vol. 4) #30 mentions an as-yet-untold encounter between Mirage Leonardo and Usagi that took place sometime afterward.

*Usagi first met Kakera and became familiar with the summoning spell in Usagi Yojimbo (Vol. 2) #1.

*Leo mentions that Mikey is the only one of them who can speak Japanese.  This character trait was introduced back in TMNT: The Secret History of the Foot Clan #4.

*This one-shot was released in both soft and hard cover formats.  The hard cover edition contains an exclusive cover by Stan Sakai, additional notes, sketches, layouts, interviews and a reprint of "Turtle Soup and Rabbit Stew".

*This issue was originally published with 10 variant covers: Cover A by Stan Sakai and Tom Luth, Cover B by Sergio Aragones and Luth, Incentive Cover by David Peterson, Fried Pie Exclusive Cover by Sakai and Luth, Other Realms Exclusive Cover by Sakai and Luth, IDW Convention Cover by Kevin Eastman, Sakai and Tomi Varga, Comics and Ponies Exclusive Cover by Eastman, Sakai and Varga, Diamond Retailer Lunch Variant Cover by Eastman, Sakai and Varga, San Diego Comic Art Gallery Exclusive Cover by Eastman, and Stan Sakai Variant Cover by Sakai.


Review:

Do you know how long its been since the Turtles and Usagi have had a legit comics crossover?  Twenty-four years.  Yeah, there have been some pin-ups by Sakai that were published in the back of Tales of the TMNT here and there, but there hasn't been a crossover story told in comics for over two decades.  We've had to wait a long time to see Usagi and the TMNT unite under the pen of Sakai (though there were those crossovers in the 4Kids cartoon to tide us over) and while this tale might be rather inauspicious, it feels like a big deal to those of us who have spent the better part of 20 years wondering when we'd get another one.

Usagi Yojimbo is one of those comics you don't hear people talk about all the time because... everybody likes it.  It's consistently good and as a result, since there's never anything to complain about, everyone just reads it and enjoys it and shuts up about it.  No controversies, no insults, no politics, no bullshit.  Just good comics everyone loves.  That's one of those things I truly respect about Sakai's work, and while maybe it keeps Usagi Yojimbo from making headlines, he never sacrifices the quality of his narrative for short-term publicity.

But maybe that's why people who aren't familiar with Usagi don't get what the big deal with this one-shot is.  You kind of have to read Usagi Yojimbo to understand why it's so beloved, sort of like Jeff Smith's Bone, but once you do you'll get why fans dig these crossovers.  And at any rate, Usagi has been something of an unofficially official part of the TMNT mythology and roster since near the beginning.  Beyond the comics, he's appeared in every Ninja Turtles cartoon and three incarnations of the Playmates toyline.  He's as much a staple to the expanded roster as Leatherhead and the Rat King.  It would be weirder if Usagi DIDN'T show up in each iteration.  And that's probably why whenever the Turtles get rebooted or revamped for a new generation, the first question from fans is, "So when's Usagi gonna get here?"  We expect him.

What's even more notable about the release of this one-shot is that it acts as something of a multimedia tie-in.  Usagi made his much-belated appearance in the Nickelodeon cartoon just last week, in the season 5 episode "Yojimbo".  Now, in the midst of a three-part crossover story arc on television, IDW has released this crossover one-shot.  And at the same time, Playmates is shipping a new collection TMNT/Usagi toys to stores.  It's something of a big push for the character from Viacom, Playmates and IDW.

But let's actually talk about this comic.  I called the story "inauspicious" earlier, and I didn't mean that as a detraction, just that the story isn't necessarily "big".  This is the sort of thing Usagi deals with all the time and it isn't his grandest, most sprawling adventure.  Really, the Turtles and Usagi go hiking, get into a quick fight with some thugs, and then go their separate ways.

What makes this such a good read is more on the merit of Sakai's cartooning and storytelling.  He reminds me a lot of Carl Barks in that he only uses as many words as is needed to tell the story.  Characters never talk too much and there's only as much narration as is efficiently needed to orient the reader.  While this often makes his comics quick reads (these 40 pages will fly by), it also makes them organic reads.  The characters are livelier for the things they DON'T say and the illustrations tell the story and build the world on their own without crude exposition laid overtop of everything.  And while it is a quick read, Sakai fills his panels with content, especially in the big brawls, and you'll want to take your time to inspect each panel and see how all the action is laid out.

Speaking of action, the Turtles sure look like they kill a few of those bandits Jei hired.  Whatever happened to that "no killing policy", I wonder?  Then again, while we do see the victims screaming and clutching wounds, none of them deliver the trademarked skull-and-crossbones speech bubble, which is how Usagi comics confirm death.  So hey, maybe they just got cut real bad.

I suppose there isn't much else to say.  It's a good comic, but much like most other Usagi Yojimbo comics, I suspect people are going to read it, like it and then shut up about it.  The door is left open for future crossovers and I hope we get them in the IDW book some day.  At least in under two decades.

Boris the Bear #8

Publication date: March, 1987
Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics

Writer/publisher: Mike Richardson
Story/art: James Dean Smith
Lettering: David Jackson
Coloring/scapegoat: Steve Mattsson
Editor: Randy Stradley
Production: Bob Wisner, Pat Richardson

"Return of the Living Teenage Radioactive Mutant Ninja Critters!"

Summary:

Boris the Bear is having a hard time fitting in with humans and as his day gets worse, he becomes more and more depressed.  Elsewhere, a secret meeting of all the Teenage Radioactive Black Belt Mutant Ninja Critters (the Juvenile Deviant Hard-Shelled Assassins among them) is called to order.  A Panda Khan parody explains that because Boris the Bear exposed them all as cliched rip-offs with no substance, it's HIS fault that the black and white comics implosion happened.  He asks if they'll all band together to get revenge on Boris for ruining their careers and the TRBBMNC cheer in unison.

Feeling dejected, Boris goes for a walk and is ambushed by the TRBBMNC.  Not feeling up to fighting, he surrenders.  Boris is taken back to their HQ and Not-Panda Khan tells him that he will help the TRBBMNC return to the heights of their cheap knock-off glory from before the black and white comics crash.

Boris musters up the fortitude to defend himself, explaining that HE didn't kill their industry; it was the fault of their own terrible comics.  He then storms out of the HQ, insisting that the TRBBMNC have actually been killing each other by being knock-offs of other knock-offs.  After he leaves, the Mutant Critters all turn on one another and start killing each other for real.

Boris goes home and finds his human friends are all ready to forgive him for what the fuck ever and the issue ends on a happy note.


Turtle Tips:

*Once again, this was a parody comic and not an official cameo from the TMNT.  However, the actual TMNT do make an appearance in the letters column of the book in a photograph taken by Richardson of several shredded TMNT comics sent in by a fan (who agreed with Richardson that the Turtles are trash).  A disclaimer is added to the bottom of the page, citing Eastman and Laird as the owners of the TMNT.

*Boris slaughtered all of the "Teenage Radioactive Black Belt Mutant Ninja Critters" in Boris the Bear #1.

*The anthro animal indie comics characters would get their final revenge on Boris in Laffin' Gas #5 (which featured legal appearances from all the guest characters and not parodies).

*The Juvenile Deviant Hard-Shelled Assassins seem to have undergone a slight redesign since their last appearance to make them look less like the actual TMNT.  This involves giving some of them sunglasses instead of bandanas.

*New to the group are parodies of other TMNT parodies from the era, including knock-offs of the Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu Kangaroos.  There are also snails with bandanas, but they predate the Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs by 3 years, so they aren't parodies of them.  No parodies of the Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters or the Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils, though.

*I didn't make any of those up.

*This issue also came with a bonus pin-up featuring an unused version of the cover.


Review: 

I know I said I wasn't going to review anymore of these, but I found the issue and couldn't think of a good reason not to do it.  So here we are.

The gimmick of slaughtering a bunch of shitty indie comics anthropomorphic animal characters was fun... for an issue.  But you can't really milk a whole series out of that or the joke wears thin.  By issue 8, I think the creative team were coming to grips with that, so the majority of this installment consists of Boris moping around, lamenting how quickly his sales and his star have fallen.  He isn't WRONG, but it also makes this comic a hell of a fuckin' bore, too.

Not all characters who were born out of satire, or as parodies of something trendy, are forbidden from expanding their universe and becoming their own thing.  Just look at the goddamn Ninja Turtles.  They originated as a one-shot parody of Daredevil, Ronin and the X-Men.  But they quickly stepped out of that box and built their own unique mythology to the point where the parody aspect is more academic now than it is obvious.

Boris seems like he's trying to do that, and much of this issue is just him interacting with his diverse cast of supporting characters, but none of those characters are interesting and the exercise is just as I described it a paragraph or two ago: A fuckin' bore.

What's fun about this issue is also it's shortest element (and what the cover spotlights, no less).  The knock-offs of all those shitty anthro animal indie books are great, even if the self-righteous monologues about their lack of originality can get too close to explaining the joke, and we get to see more in this issue than we did in the first.  Not-Panda Khan, Not-Cerebus, Not-Care Bears and Not-Smurfs (the last two taking jabs at licensed cartoon comics) get the most attention.  Incidentally, the Hard-Shelled Assassins are reduced to crowd fillers and get no dialogue.  I get a feeling that was intentional, as they rub elbows with kangaroos, rabbits, snails and other animals which are all wearing bandanas and grimacing; perhaps a jab at how the TMNT are getting lost in their own shitty knock-offs (many of which I listed in the Turtle Tips).

The meta commentary is, as I said, too on-the-nose at times and several jabs are repeated to the point of being obnoxious.  Some of the commentary is pretty solid, however.  I particularly liked how Boris points out that by glutting the market, the Radioactive Critters are actually the ones who are killing each other, thus causing them to turn on one another.

I really don't want to do anymore of these Boris the Bear comics, even if the Hard-Shelled Assassins appear in more of them.  And I'm on the fence about doing some of the other contemporary black and white TMNT knock-offs, like Black Belt Hamsters and Jujitsu Gerbils.  I have a couple issues of those two, as well as random issues of Barney the Invisible Turtle, Aristocratic Xtraterrestrial Time-Traveling Thieves, and mother fucking Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos.  Jesus Christ, even I can't believe I own that last one.

Boris was right.  He was right all along.

Boris the Bear #1

Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics

Publication date: 1986

Story: Mike Richardson

Script: Randy Stradley and James Dean Smith

Art: James Dean Smith

Letters: John Workman

Edits: Randy Stradley

“Boris the Bear Slaughters the Teenage Radioactive Black Belt Mutant Ninja Critters!”

Summary:

Boris the Bear is in his treehouse when he encounters a problem: All the black and white indie comics being published are about radical anthropomorphic animal youngsters that know martial arts.  He’s sick and tired of it!  Rushing past his friend Dave, Boris gears up with heavy artillery and goes on the hunt for clichéd indie comic book characters who need to be eliminated.

During his journey, he encounters the Juvenile Deviant Hard-Shelled Assassins: Leo, Mikey, Donny and Bob.  Boris punches Mikey so hard his eyeballs pop out, then chops his head off.  After that, he disarms Leo and punches a hole through his head.  Next, he breaks Bob’s wrists and then punches him in the face so hard his head explodes.  And finally, Boris catches Donny trying to sneak away.  He strangles Donny, rips off his shell and then slams him into the ground repeatedly until there’s nothing left of the Turtle but a greasy smear.

After Boris takes out some more anthropomorphic animal characters (both indie and mainstream), he’s sent back to his treehouse by an irate Dave.  With his work done, Boris sits down to read the only good indie comic about anthropomorphic animals ever written: His own.

Turtle Tips:

*For the record, this was a parody and not an official cameo from the TMNT.

*The Hard-Shelled Assassins and others from this issue will return in Boris the Bear #8.

*Also murdered in this issue are Miyamoto Usagi, Cerebus the Aardvark and the Miami Mice; all characters whom the Turtles crossed over with at some point.

*This issue received a second printing the same year.

Review:

I don’t typically cover parodies here at TMNT Entity.  There have been so many goofs on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over the years that I’d be reviewing into my 90s before I’d even be close to finished.

But it just so happens that while I was digging through the quarter bin at my local shop, I stumbled upon this thing and since I bought it, I might as well review it.

While the story is pretty dumb and just an excuse for mindless, over-the-top violence, it actually is a little funny.  Let’s be frank; there WAS an explosion of anthropomorphic animal characters in the indie comics scene of the mid-80s, and many were a reaction to the success of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Boris’ frustration with all these generic characters seems a pretty reasonable reaction when you take the context of the time period into consideration.

However, he does accuse several characters of being mindless rip-offs with no artistic integrity worthy only of being murdered and forgotten… who are now considered to be some of the greatest indie comics characters of all time.  And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the TMNT, either.

I mean, who the hell shits on Usagi Yojimbo?  I have never seen anyone ever rip apart that book as being knock-off garbage.  Granted, ’86 was pretty early into Usagi’s lifespan, but Richardson really jumped the gun on this one (so to speak).

Likewise, he also rips into Cerebus.  And while the aardvark doesn’t have the best reputation these days, by ’86 his comic was still considered a contemporary classic that was innovating the sequential art form with almost every issue.

But fuck the Miami Mice, though.  Open season on those losers.

So some of the slaughtering comes across as maybe envy; Richardson seeing all these creators succeeding and innovating while the best idea he can come up with is Boris the Bear.  After reading Boris’ wiki article, apparently “killing characters more popular than he is” was the bear’s only gimmick.

I will say that the art is pretty great, though.  James Dean Smith does a fine job imitating the styles of all those other artists to make the parody characters feel authentic.  While he gets many of the little details right, he forgot to include a skull and crossbones speech bubble when Usagi dies.  What is this, Amateur Hour?

Like a LOT of forgotten ‘80s black and white indie comics, Boris the Bear issues routinely wind up in quarter and dollar bins.  With this having been released by a major publisher and having gotten multiple printings, you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding it for cheap.  The novelty, at least for one issue, is pretty fun in a cheap thrill sort of way.  The original characters and the story are dumb, but the art is pretty sweet.  Maybe grab it if you see it.

And no, I won’t be reviewing Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters.  Absolutely never.

Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol. 1) #27

 Publication date: Late Summer/Early Fall, 1991 (approximate)

Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics

Art and story: Bob Burden

Editing and Lettering: Roxanne Starr

Assisted by: Joe Pruett

Cover: Todd McFarlane

“Battlemania”

Summary:

Frontispiece: The Flaming Carrot and all four Ninja Turtles rush into battle on a rooftop, charging down a faceless foe.

In the alleys, the Turtles remind the “Dark Avenger” that he’s Raphael.  But even with his memory back, Raph knows he still has to help Flaming Carrot defeat the Fearless Umpires, so all four Turtles race to the Empire State Building.

Upon arriving, they find the Umpires trying to attach rockets to the corners so they can steal the whole building.  Flaming Carrot invites them in through a window.  He’s defeated the Umpires that were interrogating him, but more are on the way.  They take those Umpires out, then start throwing office equipment out the window and onto the rockets.  A lucky shot activates one early, sending it flying and making it impossible for Robert Babo (the ringleader) to steal the building with only three rockets.  Not happy, Babo tells his henchmen to prepare his hot air balloon for a potential escape.

The Turtles and Carrot make their way to the roof, taking down more Umpires along the way.  Finding a command center, Carrot sends a message to the Mysterymen to come help.  The message is picked up by Screwball and Mystic Hand, who are still out driving.  Because Screwball doesn’t understand how a vehicle works, he accidentally activates the passenger ejector seat without first opening the sun roof.  Mystic Hand is knocked unconscious by the bump on the head and has to be taken to the hospital, leaving Screwball to head to the Empire State Building alone.

Using his nuclear powered pogo stick, Carrot takes down some more Umpires.  He interrogates one, who informs him of Babo’s escape balloon.  As Carrot and the Turtles continue on their way to the roof, Screwball arrives and drives his car straight through the door and up the stairs.

On the roof, Babo is resorting to plan B.  He asks Frankenstein’s Head to use his magical abilities to levitate the roof.  Meanwhile, his Umpires are keeping the police and the Mysterymen on the ground at bay by throwing pennies at them from the roof (and killing several people).  The Turtles and Carrot arrive and start wrecking Umpires until Babo unleashes his Barbecue Ray.  One zap from it and the heroes will smell like barbecue sauce forever.  Before he can fire, Screwball bursts through in his car and mows down the ray.  In the confusion, Raphael snatches Frankenstein’s Head and the Turtles play a game of keep away with it. 

Finally, Carrot tosses it to Screwball and tells him to fly away with the noggin on his rocket boots before he can levitate the building.  Frankenstein’s Head mentally attacks Screwball with thought power and Screwball responds with his own mental attacks.  The two are locked in telepathic battle until Screwball’s pet shoelace crawls inside Frankenstein’s Head’s ear and tickles him.  The momentary lapse of concentration hands Screwball the victory and he flies off with him.

In the scuffle, several spare fuel tanks for the hot air balloon are ruptured and about to blow.  Carrot and the Turtles escape on the balloon before the tanks left on the roof explode, killing Babo and his Fearless Umpires.  Meanwhile, Frankenstein’s Head recites a spell and vanishes from Screwball’s hands.  Undeterred, the Turtles, Flaming Carrot and Screwball decide to go get some Nathan’s hotdogs.  Elsewhere, Frankenstein’s Head’s spell, intended to give him the body of vicious Viking Rudolf the Remorseful, failed.  Frankenstein’s Head is now stuck with the body of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol.1) #26.

*The Turtles will meet the Flaming Carrot again in TMNT/Flaming Carrot #1.

*I put the publication date for this issue as Late Summer/Early Fall, 1991 because, for the life of me, I cannot find an indicia anywhere in this issue with publication information in it.  So I don’t know exactly what month this issue was released.  All I have to go by is that last issue was published in June and releases typically skip a month when they aren’t running late.

*This issue also included a “What is this Flaming Carrot?” strip by Burden, and a Flaming Carrot Pop Quiz.

Review:

And the first crossover between the Ninja Turtles and the Flaming Carrot comes to an end.

Honestly, I think my biggest grievance with this story isn’t that I found it unfunny, as humor is subjective and all that.  It’s more that Burden didn’t seem to understand the Turtles or their personalities and makes no attempt at distinguishing between any of them.  There’s nothing distinct about how any of the Turtles act; they spew all the same vacuous non sequiturs as every other character in the comic and their identities are entirely interchangeable (and by "identities", I mean a "cowabunga" here and a "radical" there). 

In that regard, the whole idea of the “crossover” seemed entirely needless, as why would Burden even bother if he wasn’t going to make an effort to write the Turtles AS the Turtles?  They could have been any other generic Mysteryman and it would have changed nothing.  I guess Burden just wanted the guaranteed sales boost that would accompany having a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on the cover of your comic in 1991, but didn't feel up to putting forth the effort to write them in-character.

As far as other elements of the story go, we never found out what the deal with the Vague Dudes and their extendable eyes and amnesia ray was.  I guess they played a part in later Turtle-free stories, but for those of us only tuning in for the crossover, it’s sort of a dangling irritant.

The cover by Todd McFarlane sort of took me by surprise, as I’d never have guessed it was him had I not noticed his unmistakable signature in the corner.  I wonder if it was redrawn in any way, or if he was making a point to draw the Turtles in Burden’s style as opposed to his own.  It’s a pretty good cover, either way, and probably my favorite thing about this whole issue.

As I said when I began, Flaming Carrot just isn’t for me.  There’s still the 4-issue crossover miniseries from Mirage that I’ll have to get through, but maybe I’ll enjoy that one a bit more.  I’ll tackle that sometime later.

Grade: D+ (as in, “Donatello’s the smart one, Michelangelo’s the immature one, Leonardo’s the leader and Raphael’s the jerk… These aren’t complex personalities, man”.)

Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol. 1) #26

 Publication date: June, 1991

Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics

Art and story: Bob Burden

Editing and lettering: Roxanne Starr

Assisted by: Rod Whigham, Pat St. Amour, Joe Pruett and Marsha Jense

“The Fearless Umpire Killers”

Summary:

The Mysterymen have successfully routed out a hiding place being utilized by a gang of zombies (who had disguised themselves with people masks).  Reporters converge on the scene and interview the Sphinx and the Shoveler, who say that there may be a connection between the zombies and the Vile Brotherhood.  Inside the building, Mr. Furious takes care of the last zombie, hurling it out a window.  As they take one of the zombies hostage, a human rights activist, Dr. Hissel, registers his displeasure with the excessive force employed by the Mysterymen.  As he tries to soothe the injured zombie, though, the corpse hurls him across the New York skyline.  Stunt Fly chases after him as Mr. Furious makes a televised threat to the Vile Brotherhood.

Down in the sewer lair, Leo, Don and Mike are watching a news report on TV.  One of the stories involves the recent disappearance of Frankenstein’s disembodied head from the Museum of Natural History.  A former employee explains that the head came in with a shipment of artifacts that were saved from Nazi destruction during WWII.  The head, still alive, eventually learned how to roll like a beach ball and escaped.  The Turtles then watch a report on the recent activities of Flaming Carrot and the Dark Avenger (whom the media mistakes as “Bread Boy”).  The Turtles recognize his fighting style as Raph’s and, thinking their brother has abandoned them to join the Mysterymen, rush to the surface to get answers.

Elsewhere, Flaming Carrot and the Dark Avenger are still on the prowl for Vile Brotherhood activity.  All they find, however, are a pair of broken breakdancers (they danced so hard they broke their own spines).  They’re approached by Leaf-Blower of the GI-Jims, a Canadian group of superheroes.  Leaf-Blower asks if they’ve seen any of the Fearless Umpire gang, as they’re rumored to be in New York.  They answer in the negative, and as Leaf-Blower disappears, Flaming carrot decides to head back to his hideout and consult his crime computer about the Fearless Umpires.

On the streets, Mystic Hand is giving driving lessons to the alien Mysteryman, Screwball.  They see a pair of suspicious individuals on the sidewalk and Screwball asks them if they’re terrorists.  The two men shrug their shoulders, lift up their jackets and reveal tons of guns and explosives.  Mystic Hand compliments Screwball on his fine work.

At the hideout, Flaming Carrot consults his "computer" (a rolodex) and brushes up on the history of the Fearless Umpires.  They were defeated by the Apprehenders in 1961, but resurfaced in 1982 under the leadership of Robert Babo, a former performance artist.  Recruiting other disenfranchised art students, he’s been using the Fearless Umpires to commit bizarre and meaningless crimes ever since.  Flaming Carrot wonders where they can track the Umpires down and Dark Avenger recommends the Umpire State Building.

At the empty building where Flaming Carrot rescued Raphael earlier that evening, the two weird-os with detachable limbs and extending eyes (identified as the Vague Dudes) usher a skeleton into their quarters.  They see that Raph has escaped from beneath their amnesia ray.  The Vague Dudes and the skeleton then laugh maniacally.

At Mysterymen HQ, Mr. Furious and Big Dipper are shaking down a hood for clues on the Vile Brotherhood.  The hood says that the Mysterymen came to New York City a week early; that the Vile Brotherhood were planning their crimewave for NEXT week.  Now that the Mysterymen are in town, they’ve cancelled the scheme altogether.   Disgruntled, Mr. Furious and Big Dipper head for the nearest bar to grab a drink, unaware that the Ninja Turtles are watching them from the shadows.

At the Empire State Building, Flaming Carrot and Dark Avenger take out some Umpire guards and steal their uniforms.  Infiltrating the meeting, they sit in on Babo’s speech to his gang.  He intends to levitate the building and steal it from New York.  One of the Umpires asks if they’ll ransom it and Babo explains that they don’t commit crimes for profit, but for the sake of art.  He then introduces the mastermind of the scheme: Frankenstein’s Head.  Frankenstein’s Head, having spent decades in a museum, is now well-learned in the mystic arts (though he still yearns for a new body) and assures the Umpires that he can levitate the building.

Giving Dark Avenger a card with the Mysterymen’s address and phone number on it, and a bubble pipe that the Mysterymen will recognize as his own, Flaming Carrot dispatches his sidekick to go get back-up.  While Dark Avenger is doing that, Carrot attempts to stall the Umpires with a game of tag.

Dark Avenger attempts to call the Mysterymen, but the Spleen fails to hear the answering machine due his headphones playing music too loud.  Dark Avenger decides to go to their headquarters, but he’s suddenly delayed by the Ninja Turtles.  There’s a brief scuffle, but Dark Avenger calls it off when he realizes that the Turtles look exactly like he does.  He then pulls off his mask, revealing himself to them as Raphael (though he doesn’t know it).

Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from Flaming Carrot (Vol. 1) #25.  The story concludes in Flaming Carrot (Vol. 1) #27.

*This issue also featured a “Flaming Carrot Pop Quiz” and a “Hey Kids! Meet the Mysterymen!” back-up strip by Burden and Starr.

Review:

A better issue than the last installment.  While I still don’t find Burden’s brand of humor funny, I’m coming to enjoy some of his story-telling techniques.  The way each bit of nonsense flows into the next, sending the characters on the trail of the villains, is actually pretty fun to follow.  It sort of reminds me of “The Great Piggy Bank Robbery” or other screwball cartoons, where the plot feels “made-up as they go”.  Just, you know.  Without the jokes.

I haven’t read enough Flaming Carrot comics to know who half these Mysterymen are, though most of the members featured in the movie are accounted for here (just missing the Bowler, Blue Raja and Invisible Boy, I think).  Given that this is a Flaming Carrot comic first and a Ninja Turtles crossover second, the TMNT take a backseat to the ongoing plot of the book they’re guest starring in.  The issue is punctuated with random gags and segues; some more fully conceived than others.  The humanitarian doctor threatening the Mysterymen with brutality suits getting chucked across the city was pretty groan-worthy.  I’ll admit, though, that the bit with Screwball and Mystic Hand spotting the terrorists got a good smirk out of me.  I think it was the way the terrorists just shrugged and gave up so easily.

In the opening editorial, Burden explains that in order to get this issue out early, he had to call in a quartet of “assistants” to help him with the art (to the point where they produced 9 pages in two days).  So with that in mind, I don’t know how much of this thing Burden actually drew.  At the very least, Burden properly credits his assistants who helped him on the art and even challenges the readers to try and figure out which pages were done by him and which were done by his assistants (I’m not familiar enough with Burden’s style, so I was unable to figure it out).  It’s a nice show of integrity on Burden’s part.  So often in the industry, star artists will credit an assistant for “backgrounds” when the reality is the “assistant” ghost-drew the whole issue for them (Pat Lee was perhaps the most notorious scam artist in this regard).

If there’s one minor thing I’ve liked so far about this comic, it’s that Burden rather defiantly uses trademark names in references, such as name-dropping Marvel and DC characters as coexisting in the Flaming Carrot’s universe or having actual beverages like Sprite appear in the book (as a small plot point, no less).  Now ‘n days, everybody’s so afraid of getting sued, you can’t even reference “McDonald’s” anymore.

Anyway, one issue of this left.

Grade: C+ (as in, “Casanova Frankenstein was a better villain than Frankenstein’s Head.  Just sayin’.”)

Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol. 1) #25

 Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics

Publication date: April 1991

Art and story: Bob Burden

Assisted by: Roxanne Starr, Joe Pruett and Dave Newton

“Dark City…”

Summary:

Frontispiece: Leaping across the rooftops, the Flaming Carrot introduces us to his new sidekick… a weird green turtle-man (actually Raphael).  Carrot has plans to turn him into a topflight Mysteryman…

Down in the sewer lair, Leonardo, Michelangelo and Donatello are busy childishly arguing over chores and what-not.  April comes storming out of the kitchen and scolds them, asking the teenagers to start acting like adults.  Raphael, meanwhile, has his nose in a book, trying to figure out what it means to be an “adult”.  Knowing that he won’t learn in anything in the lair, he decides to go to the surface and watch some adults in action.

Prowling the streets, he witnesses adults engaged in prattling, inane conversation and wonders if he even wants to become an adult.  But just as Raph starts to think all adults are boring, he spots one with a giant flaming carrot for a head.  Intrigued, Raph stalks the weird-o (the Flaming Carrot, naturally), who breaks up a fistfight and pulls a weed out of a windowsill (then puts it back when he remembers that plants create vital oxygen).  The Flaming Carrot’s “sense eyes” detect Raph’s presence and the Carrot leads Raph on a chase, eventually turning the tables and stalking the confused Turtle.

Trying to find the Carrot, Raph instead finds a suspicious-looking man sitting on a rooftop.  The man’s hand falls off (and he quickly reattaches it) and Raph, intrigued, infiltrates the man’s apartment.  Inside, he finds it to be nothing but empty space filled with boxes of junk.  The man comes inside and Raph hides behind some crates.  The man finds a sai that Raph dropped and extends his eyes out of his sockets to inspect the weapon.  Suddenly, another man looking identical to him knocks at the door.  The pair greet each other, speaking strange gibberish and proceed to get drunk on cans of Sprite.  As they play a record of old folk songs, they begin dancing with blow up dolls… seriously creeping Raph out.

A paper airplane then draws the pair's attention and Raph looks to see who threw it.  The Flaming Carrot stands at the window and quietly motions for Raph to sneak away to safety.  The weird-os notice Raph, however, and zap him with a raygun.  Before he can come to, they set him under a device called a “memory vortex” that gives Raph amnesia.  The two men leave and the Carrot sneaks inside to help Raph.  Unfortunately, he gets bored and falls asleep.  When he wakes up, though, he wheels Raph out in a wheelbarrow and takes him to Mysterymen Secret Hideout #28.

Flaming Carrot tells Raph that he’s a member of the Mysterymen, a group of B-grade superheroes not good enough for the Avengers or the Justice League.  They’ve left Iron City and come to New York in order to track down the Vile Brotherhood.  Raph, meanwhile, has no memory of who he is.  Carrot asks him if he’d like to become a superhero and Raph readily accepts the offer.  Carrot fashions him a costume out of a bread sack and gives him some plungers for weapons and a utility belt made from old Band-Aid tins.  Thus, Raph becomes the Dark Avenger.

The Carrot and the Dark Avenger then go looking for crimes to thwart and stumble across a pair of hooligans fishing for alligators in the sewer… with kittens as the bait.  They beat the thugs up and rescue the kittens.  The Carrot leaves his calling card (stuffing the orifices of the unconscious thugs with carrots) and the two superheroes leave to return the kitties to their owners.

Down in the lair, the other Turtles wonder where the heck Raph has gotten to…

Turtle Tips:

*The story continues in Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol. 1) #26.

*The “Bob Speaks” editorial in this issue describes this as a two-issue story arc.  It is, in fact, a three-issue arc.

*According to the “Bob Speaks” editorial, Burden had originally only envisioned a single TMNT/Flaming Carrot crossover, but after numerous rewrites, decided to split the story into two; one published by Dark Horse and a second published by Mirage.

*This issue also contained a “What is this Flaming Carrot” comic strip by Burden, two free Dark Horse Comics trading cards, and a back cover pin-up of the discarded cover for Flaming Carrot Comics (Vol. 1) #2, also by Burden.

Review:

The Flaming Carrot.  Now there’s an indie comic from back in the day I could never quite get into.

When it came to outrageous superhero parody comics, I was more a fan of "The Tick" (or, more specifically, the awesome cartoon series) and Flaming Carrot never really drew me in.  I enjoyed the movie, “Mystery Men”, well-enough… albeit, it somehow managed to be a Flaming Carrot movie that didn’t include Flaming Carrot (according to the Q&A on the DVD, they omitted the star of the comic because execs thought he’d look “too bizarre” on screen).  I just don’t have any attachment to the Flaming Carrot and I can’t manufacture one no matter how hard I try.

Reading the old comics for the first time, they tend to not be very… well, funny.  Burden relies too heavily on “lol so random” attempts at humor which are about as clever as a game of Mad Libs.  I think that’s one of the reasons why I always preferred the Tick, as it was full of silliness and absurdity, but never used randomness as a substitute for actual jokes.

Storywise, I felt Mikey would have been better suited for this sort of plot, as he’s the comic book nut, not Raph.  Raphael wandering off alone to ponder the meaning of adulthood felt a little strangely introspective for the character, and again, might have been a better fit for Mikey (as in, say, the other Turtles chide him for being immature so that causes him to go looking for the definition of maturity, etc).

Burden’s art is better than his writing and I love his panel layouts.  The style is very classy and reminiscent of old Golden Age comics.

I can’t think of much else to say about this first chapter in the arc.  I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed any of you Flaming Carrot fans out there, it’s just that the book isn’t really my thing.

Grade: C (as in, “Can you believe I actually remember Wizard magazine’s Flaming Carrot casting call, where they suggested he be played by Robin Williams?”)