Don't Judge a Book...

Originally published by: Palladium Books
Originally published in: TMNT & Other Strangeness

Publication date: November, 1985

Script/Pencils/Inks: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Lettering: Peter Laird

“Don’t Judge a Book…”

Summary:

At April’s apartment, the Turtles are putting the finishing touches on their Halloween costumes: Mike is dressed as a clown, Leo is dressed like an Alien, Raph is dressed like a punk rockstar and Don is dressed like an old lady. They give April a call and she (dressed like a jungle girl) tells them to come over to the Halloween party at around nine o’clock.

Outside, a gang of thugs case the Second Time Around shop to see if it’s an easy break-in. One thug knocks on the door, looking for “Chet”, and finds only an old lady (Don) home. The thugs decide to take the place and break in through the downstairs.

The Turtles hear them coming a mile away, however, and quickly defend the joint. A short brawl ensues and the thugs go down for the count. Unfortunately, however, the fight completely ruined their Halloween costumes.

At the party, April wonders if her friends will buy her story that it’s her four “southern cousins” that are dropping by. Suddenly, the door opens and in step all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… sans costumes. That isn’t a problem, however, as everyone at the party just assumes they’re in costumes anyway and compliment them on their look.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was reprinted in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback.

*CHET ALERT: The thug scoping out April’s apartment asks “Is Chet here?” The name “Chet” was an in-joke used in numerous Mirage TMNT comics because the guys at the office… just liked the name!

*Among the costumed party-goers are Spider-Man, Wonder Woman, Superman, Darth Vader, Batgirl, the Thing, Megaton Man, Etrigan the Demon, Mr. Spock, Thor, Zorro and Popeye.


Review:

Hard to muster up any vitriol or dull praise for this story, as its neither good nor bad, but simply there.

Very Zen, come to think of it.

I don’t actually own any of the Palladium RPG sourcebooks that a lot of these short comics were published in. I’m not really sure what the point of publishing the comics in a tabletop RPG sourcebook was; maybe to get the juices flowing in the imaginations of the people playing the game? For stories like “Road Hogs” and “Terror by Transmat”, it certainly seems that way. “Hey, here’s a look at the theme of this sourcebook and an idea of one of the kinds of plotlines you could come up with!”

But “Don’t Judge a Book”? I mean, to those of you out there who spent the 80s playing tabletop RPGs, did you ever feel compelled to create a storyline where your characters dressed like old ladies and beat up burglars?

Jeez, just go play Dungeons or Dragons or something.

Anyhow, “Don’t Judge a Book” is entirely forgettable save maybe for all the copyright infringement going on at the Halloween party. That’s sort of amusing, I guess, especially if you read the costumed partygoers in the voices of their costume identities. I mean, when else are you going to get to see Popeye interact with the Ninja Turtles?

Grade: M (as in, “Meh. Just Meh.”)

TMNT (Vol. 3) #13

Publication date: February, 1998

Writer: Gary Carlson
Penciler: Frank Fosco
Inker: Mark Heike
Letters: Pat Brosseau
Editor: Eric Larsen
Sissy: Josh Eichorn

Summary:

In the town of Sheldon, Arkansas, the Turtles have split from Vanguard and Roxanne to widen their search for Deathwatch, but so far they’ve only found corpses. The computer within Donatello’s body becomes annoyed that they keep referring to him by the former occupant’s name, and asks that they accept that Donatello is gone (having been devoured by Deathwatch). The cyborg then projects a street map and suggests they take their search to the home of Johnny Lee Raeburn’s (alias Deathwatch) mother.

Elsewhere in town, Roxanne and Vanguard are doing just as poorly. Roxanne stumbles upon a diner that looks occupied from the outside, but upon entering, she finds it filled with nothing but corpses, drained of life by Deathwatch. Vanguard suggests they find the Turtles. Roxanne agrees, but asks that he teleport them to his ship first to retrieve something.


At the New York HQ of the Foot, the Puzorelli mobsters have the place sealed off with Raph inside and every other Foot Soldier dead. Raph decides to quit playing hide and seek and attacks with a bow and arrow, followed by close quarters combat. He takes the mobsters out, only to be confronted by their back-up. Raph plucks up a Tommy gun from one of the fallen mooks and opens fire. As he slaughters the mobsters, Raph feels conflicting sensations of joy and guilt, as there is no honor in what he’s doing; it is simply murder. Then, Raph runs out of ammo.

At the home of Agnes Raeburn on 152 Elm Street, the cyborg breaks rank from Leo and Mikey and traipses through the front door. He finds the wheelchair-bound Mrs. Raeburn, but after detecting no life signs, realizes that she’s already fallen victim to Deathwatch. Deathwatch reveals himself and attacks the cyborg. However, the cyborg is prepared and puts up a fight.

Back in New York, Raph buys himself some distance with a handgun, but is quickly backed into a corner. Leaning against the wall, the Turtle prepares to make his last stand, when the wall suddenly gives way to a secret passage. Raph claws his way through the darkness and lights a match, only to come face to face with the Shredder! Raph freaks out, but quickly realizes that the “Shredder” is merely an empty suit of armor. Raph hits the light switch and discovers the Shredder’s secret inner sanctum, where he forged multiple suits of armor as well as stockpiled weapons. Raph recalls all the tales of the Shredder Splinter told him as a child, as well as the two times he helped kill the creep. Coming up with a plot, Raph decides to see if the mobsters outside are afraid of ghosts…

And in Arkansas, the cyborg is being perforated by Deathwatch’s tentacles. Deathwatch begins draining the cyborg of its artificial lifeforce when Vanguard comes to the rescue, tackling the lunatic. Deathwatch is unimpressed and sinks his tentacles into Vanguard. All according to plan, as “Vanguard” was really the amorphous blob, Lurch, incognito! Raeburn is caught in the gooey, lifeless mass long enough for the real Vanguard to strike with his Neural Disruptor. Raeburn vanishes in the blast, having teleported away. Vanguard suggests going after the villain while he’s still injured, but Mike protests. Donny’s body has a massive hole in the middle of it and the cyborg appears to be dying.

At Foot HQ, a pair of mobsters happen across the secret door. Before they can think twice, the Shredder bursts through the entrance and rips one of the mobsters to pieces. The remaining goon drops his gun and surrenders in total fear. The Shredder proceeds to shred him, anyway.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT (Vol. 3) #12. The story continues in TMNT (Vol. 3) #14.

*Raeburn/Deathwatch began his rampage in TMNT (Vol. 3) #10.

*Deathwatch devoured Donatello’s consciousness in TMNT (Vol. 3) #11.

*Raph previously developed an unhealthy gun-lust in the “Bodycount” miniseries.

*The Turtles killed Shredder first in TMNT (Vol. 1) #1 and again in TMNT (Vol. 1) #21.


Review:

While I’ve expressed annoyance with the Vanguard/Deathwatch subplot that’s been running for the last three or so issues of this title, TMNT #13 gets a pass from me thanks in large part to all the horror movie references and trappings. We’ve got callbacks to “Friday the 13th”, “Psycho”, “Last House on the Left” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street”, which I just found amusing when I probably shouldn’t have. Granted, the horror vibe worked best before Deathwatch showed up, as the Turtles stalked an empty town in broad daylight, their search efforts turning up only withered corpses. Sadly, this more atmospheric manner of build-up leads far too short a lifespan, as cyborg-Donny quickly runs afoul of Deathwatch and his terrible dialogue.

Heike’s inking improves dramatically with this issue. The middle panel of page 2 looks especially moody, with Vanguard bathed in the shadows of an overhanging tree. A bit mundane a thing to point out, but I thought it looked rather good.

The highlight of this issue is, of course, Raphael’s decision to don the Shredder armor. I had complained previously that Fosco drew a completely different and heretofore unseen armor for the Shredder in a flashback sequence, but here Carlson writes that off by showing multiple sets of armor forged by the villain. I still don’t care for the way Fosco draws the mouth plate, as it looks like a scuba diver’s breathing apparatus, but that’s a minor niggle. I also just realized upon reading this issue that the abandoned warehouse the Foot are seen operating from is likely meant to be the same warehouse Oroku Saki was seen operating from in TMNT (Vol. 1) #1. It would make sense, what with his secret inner sanctum being located here.

Raph going bonkers with the Tommy gun felt a bit absurd and reeked of 90s comics sensibilities, but I’ll give Carlson some slack as Eastman had already set a precedent for such behavior in his “Bodycount” miniseries. Still, that’s not exactly a character trait I’d ever have liked to have seen revisited. On the flipside, whatever foul flavor that sequence might have left in my mouth was completely washed away once Raph showed up in full-on Shredder regalia. And, crude though it may be, Raph giving into murder segues into a more villainous role as the new Shredder well-enough.

Anyhow, this is a highlight issue for me and representative of a real turning point in the volume. The Deathwatch arc is nearly at an end, as are the gratuitous crossovers with other Image characters, and the book is really starting to get back on its feet.

Grade: B (as in, “But god dammit, once again: Jason. Never. Used. A. CHAINSAW!”)

TMNT Adventures #31

Publication date: April, 1992

Script/Edits: Dean Clarrain (Steve Murphy)
Pencils: Chris Allan
Inks: Rod Ollerenshaw (pages 1-11, 23-30), Brian Thomas (pages 12-22)
Letters: Gary Fields
Colors: Barry Grossman
Managing edits: Victor Gorelick
Cover: Chris Allan, Rod Ollerenshaw, Steve Lavigne

“Turning Japanese”

Summary:

In the wilderness of Japan, Leonardo and Splinter are dueling. Splinter teaches Leo the basics of Zen, which are the roots of master swordsmanship; to simply “be” and nothing else. As Leo begins to grasp the lesson, Splinter calls their sparing off for lunch. Elsewhere, the Turtles, Ninjara, Fu Sheng, Chu Hsi, Oyuki and April have gathered for a picnic. The Turtles are repulsed at the idea of eating sushi, though Splinter thanks Sheng for preparing the meal nonetheless. After eating, Splinter suggests that the Turtles explore the birthplace of the Foot Clan and their own origins as well, and that they do so individually. Raph and Ninjara head out to investigate the torii, where the evil from the underworld had seeped through. Mike goes with Oyuki to fly a Japanese kite. April continues a private picnic with Chu. Donatello goes alone to oversee the reconstruction of the demolished power plant. And Leonardo stays behind to continue his training with Splinter.

Raph and the slinky Ninjara check out the torii, which Ninjara explains is a gateway to the realm of demons. Though typically a large amount of power and the proper incantations are needed to activate it, sometimes an open mind is all that is required. As she speaks, Raph begins to hypnotically march toward the torii. Ninjara sees what is happening and pulls him back, remarking that his mind must be full of negative energy in order to appeal to the demonic forces within the torii so quickly. Flirtatiously, she whispers that she likes that in a man. However, her amorous banter is cut short by the scent of cologne on the wind.

At the power plant, Donatello is overseeing the reconstruction and he isn’t pleased. He thinks the idea of ceiling off radiation with concrete is crude and that the entire ordeal reminds him too much of Chernobyl. His finger-wagging is interrupted by a large glowing orb that mysteriously appears before him. Don isn’t sure if it is something demonic leftover from their previous battle or a form of radiation oozing from the power plant.

As the sun sets, Leonardo and Splinter continue their duel. Splinter knocks the katana from Leo’s hand and reminds him of his lessons.

On a hilltop, Oyuki and Mike fly a kite, discussing poetry all the while. Oyuki thinks it’s cool that Mike is into that sort of stuff and the pair begin spouting off goofy haikus.

Elsewhere, Fu Sheng continues to train Chu in controlling the Warrior Dragon as April practices her swordplay. After much effort, Chu manages to transform into the Dragon without growing to skyscraper size. April is impressed and offers him a flower as congratulations.

Back at the torii, Raph and Ninjara are attacked by a gang of thugs; the same thugs that attacked Raph and his brothers in the sewers when they first arrived in Japan. As they take the thugs out with ease, one of them refers to Ninjara as “the greatest thief in all Japan”. Raph is honored to be in her presence.

Don opens up a dialogue with the glowing orb, which reveals itself to be the dual spirits of Yin and Yang. Don follows the orb up a hillside overlooking the concrete radiation enclosure. Before vanishing, the orb tells Don that “every saving has its cost”. Don looks upon the lid of the enclosure, seeing it resemble the yin-yang symbol.

And at the torii, Raph and Ninjara clean up the last of the thugs, though as the final one passes out, he groans that he had actually come to Ninjara for help. Ninjara brushes his words off and wraps her arms around Raph; the fighting having gotten her all frisky.

Speaking of “frisky”, April and Chu are busy making out in front of a full moon. April regrets the kiss as soon as it happens and asks Chu if they can slow down. Chu understands, and together they decide to pay Sheng back for the lunch by taking him out to dinner.

And elsewhere, still practicing, Leo finally forces Splinter to a draw when their katana both shatter upon impact. Splinter reassures Leo that they will acquire a new pair and compliments him on his progress.

High above Japan, the spirit of Yin and Yang transform into the spectral forms of Izanami and Izanagi.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT Adventures #30. The story continues in TMNT Adventures #32.

*The torri's ability to reach the Underworld will be seen in TMNT Adventures #46.

*Raph and his brothers faced the street thugs in TMNT Adventures #28.

*Mike’s interest in poetry and writing seems to have seeped over from his Mirage counterpart. He was shown taking in interest in the hobby in TMNT (Vol. 1) #17 and, much later, made a career of it in TMNT (Vol. 3).

*This issue was reprinted in the UK by Fleetway in TMHT Adventures #58.


Review:

So after this “epic” three-part story arc, we get a relaxing breather issue in “Turning Japanese”. I enjoy breather issues, personally, as I don’t really cotton to the idea that every single little thing these characters do has to result in a world-shattering crisis, and when you’re as fond of these characters as I am, even watching them doing mundane things like picnicking and kite-flying is entertaining. Granted, I wouldn’t want to watch that sort of thing all the time, but one-off stories that give the characters a brief pause are always welcome in my longbox.

“Turning Japanese” seems to place a heavy focus on romantic character pairings, so fangirls take note, the genesis for your “shipping” fanfics begins here!

Of the three potential “romances” introduced in this issue, we get a mixed bag of “innocent and probably just good friends” to “hey, this could work out” to “awkward and forced”. Mike and Oyuki hanging out gets the shortest straw of the subplots in this issue, but it was nice to see Mike doing something other than talk about pizza… even if he ended up talking about pizza, anyway. Raph and Ninjara is a romance I can tolerate, even if it never felt natural at all. They’re all over each other in this issue, but that’s not what bugs me the most. As I mentioned briefly in my last review, the other characters seem to instantaneously forgive Ninjara for attempting to kill the entire human population of the Earth, and solely to facilitate an unhindered romance for Raphael.

Then there’s Chu and April, which actually works out pretty well, even if the characters didn’t get a whole lot of “alone time” in the past. Still, April went through Hell to rescue him over these past few issues and Chu doesn’t have any baggage like attempted global genocide for Clarrain (Murphy) to brush under the rug, so maybe it just felt more natural by comparison. Also, I just want to say that Allan draws my favorite version of April ever. All of the proper April elements are there, but she isn’t stuck with an ugly dated hairstyle like Mirage April or a ridiculous outfit like Fred Wolf April. She’s pretty without being ridiculously “hot” like Image April and she isn’t overly stylized like “Back to the Sewers” April. I suppose the only runner-up is April’s initial design from the 4Kids cartoon, though that one made her seem a bit too young. Allan’s April is just perfect on all counts.

Leonardo’s subplot suffers from the fact that Leonardo’s only personality trait is “serious leader”, so all you can ever see him doing alone in his spare time is training. That can often be very, very boring, but the presence of Splinter punches it up. I totally dig Splinter’s samurai armor, though that’s kind of a silly thing for a “ninja” to wear.

Also, immediately after typing the above sentence, I remembered Shredder’s pseudo-samurai getup, so I’ll just be quiet.

And last but not least, there’s Don, injecting the mandatory eco-awareness subplot. He continues the previous story arc’s condemnation of nuclear power, now criticizing the manner of enclosing radiation leaks with concrete, refusing to accept such a “handyman” tactic as sophisticated-enough to do the job. I didn’t know Clarrain was such an expert on the subject. Why is this man wasting his intellect on children’s comics when the world of nuclear safety engineering clearly needs him!?

The message that Yin-Yang/Izanami and Izanagi try to impart on Don I suppose could be left up to interpretation; all things are one and every benefit has its drawback. I took that to mean that yeah, we enjoy the energy that nuclear power provides us, but unfortunately we’re all going to die horribly in inevitable nuclear meltdowns because every nuclear power plant is just a potential Chernobyl waiting to happen. This is Clarrain’s idea of subtlety, people.

The Yin-Yang message is even further encapsulated in this issue, in that for every entertaining subplot, there is an equal number of awkward and preachy subplots, too. I wonder if that was intentional?

Grade: C+ (as in, “Could it be I’m starting to miss the days when TMNT Adventures was just a gratuitous advertisement for the latest products from Playmates? Good thing next issue has Tatoo in it. Whew!”)

 

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Originally published in: Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #53

Publication date: December, 2008

Script/Layout: Dan Berger
Art: Chad Hurd
Toning Assistance: Sam Ellis

“Ghosts of Christmas Past”

Summary:

On a snow-covered rooftop in New York, Leonardo stands alone against a legion of Foot Soldiers. Leo fights valiantly against his foes, cutting dozens down, but their superior numbers eventually get the better of him and everything goes black.

Suddenly, the sound of Raphael’s voice snaps Leo to his senses. It’s Christmas and he’s standing on the roof of April’s apartment building. Raph can tell what Leo is thinking about and reminds him that his defeat against the Foot wasn’t his fault; that his brothers should have been there for him. Leo assures Raph that no one failed and everything worked out in the end. His only regret is that he hadn’t been a better fighter at the time. Raph tells Leo not to go there and, before heading back inside to sing carols with Shadow, gives Leo a small present.

Leo wishes Raph a Merry Christmas as he opens the gift, revealing a medal with the engraving, “You’re #1”.


Turtle Tips:

*For my money’s worth, I like to place this story immediately after “A Christmas Carol”.

*The events Leo remembers occurred in Leonardo (microseries) #1 and TMNT (Vol. 1) #10.


Review:

It’s always a pleasure to see the Turtles stop and reflect on some of the more meaningful events that have transpired in their lives. I’ve mentioned in other reviews how the Turtles live in a world where they can’t go to the grocery store without getting sucked into another dimension or attacked by zombies. Their lives are a nonstop string of bizarre adventures that fire in rapid succession, so naturally they wouldn’t pay much mind to most of them.

“Hey, remember when we went back in time and fought dinosaurs?”

“I guess. Remember that time you got shot, thrown out of a helicopter, paralyzed in an alley and turned into a cyborg?”

“Only if you remember that time you got blinded, became a samurai in ancient Japan and got married.”

“Good times.”

“Good times.”

Still, some events are so important to their history and ongoing narrative that they need to be reflected on instead of brushed off as "just another Tuesday", and the time Leo got trashed by a horde of Foot Soldiers and his entire family nearly got burned alive by the Shredder, resulting in their extended exile to Northampton is certainly one of them. Leonardo, being the fastidious perfectionist of the family would most certainly let the greatest defeat of his life haunt him, that’s for sure.

I like to think of this story happening on the same Christmas Eve or maybe the following Christmas Day as the earlier story, “A Christmas Carol”. In that story, Raph also revisits the events of TMNT #10 (in a much more literal sense) and is seen pondering how close Leo came to death. Seeing him here, reassuring Leo that he did everything he could at the time, actually brings a nice bit of closure to that earlier tale, which was all about Raph learning a lesson from the Spirits of Christmas.

Unfortunately, the gift he got for Leo is so ridiculously patronizing that I’d almost think it was a cruel joke. If one of your friends is struggling with clinical depression, would you go out and get them a t-shirt reading “I’m a Super Star!” on it and expect them to take you at face value?

Chad Hurd’s pencils are rather good, if Berger’s panel layouts are a bit conventional. The toning is very dark, so you don’t really get a good look at any of Hurd’s detailing or what he’s capable of in that regard. Still, the story takes place after dark, so the lighting is appropriate.

Anyhow, by themselves, I don’t think that “A Christmas Carol” and “Ghosts of Christmas Past” are exceptionally fantastic stories, but when you put them together they make for a rather effective story that sees two characters revisiting one of the worst moments of their lives in two very different ways and then coming together to console one another.

Of course, this is just my opinion. I really don’t know, and highly doubt, Dan Berger conceived it as a sequel to “A Christmas Carol”. So looking at “Ghosts of Christmas Past” on its own, it’s a tad humdrum, and while the ending is sweet, the weird gift kind of sticks a knife in it.

Grade: C+ (as in, “Come to think of it, the dirt on the box and the smudges on the medal seem to indicate Raph fished it out of the garbage. What a dick”.)

This Mortal Shell

Originally published in: Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #53
Publication date: December, 2008

Authors: Colleen Frakes and Jon-Mikel Gates
Pencils: Adam Staffaroni
Finishes, Greytones and Letters: Andrew Arnold

“This Mortal Shell”

Summary:

In his lab, the shrunken Donatello is reading a news article about Harriet, a tortoise from an Australian zoo who had just died at the age of 176. April enters the lab with doll house furniture for Don to use as well as a fresh pot of tea for them to share.

Over the tea, Don reflects on the concept of mortality and ponders how long he and his brothers might live, especially since he was mutated from a red-eared slider, a turtle with an average lifespan of only 35 years.

Meanwhile, the hulking and monstrous “Gameraph” lurks the alleys of New York, stumbling across several robbers.

As Raph brutalizes the robbers, Don and April discuss the recently deceased Master Splinter. Don doesn’t feel that he and his brothers have been coping with the loss of their father well at all; Leo has retreated into his ninjutsu studies, Mike has been spending all his time at his new tour guide job and Raph has been succumbing to his anger worse than ever.

Speaking of Raph; one of the robbers attempts to shoot him. The Turtle escapes the bullet with a mere graze, but the pain pushes him over the edge. Raph grabs the thug by his head and begins slamming him into the concrete over and over again.

Don asks April how she’s been holding up, considering the various personal tragedies she’s so recently endured, and with Casey and Shadow to take care of, he asks if she’s had any time to even reflect on her grief. April looks away, clearly not having been able to do so. Don consoles her, explaining that family can be a great comfort, though he wonders if they’re all enough for each other.

Back in the alley, Raph observes the fleeing thugs and the twitching, barely alive gunman on the ground. Repulsed with himself, the monstrous Raph slinks away into the darkness.

As April cradles the itty-bitty Don in her hands, she tells him that the important thing is whether they’re each enough for themselves.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is specifically declared as “non-canon” in the opening editorial letter.

*Were it canon, however, it would take place between TMNT (Vol. 4) #22 and TMNT (Vol. 4) #23.

*Don was shrunken down in TMNT (Vol. 4) #15 and discovered he couldn’t be enlarged in TMNT (Vol. 4) #21.

*Raph was bitten by vampires in TMNT (Vol. 4) #12 and mutated into “Gameraph” in TMNT (Vol. 4) #15.

*Mike’s job as an alien tour guide got him taken prisoner in outer space in TMNT (Vol. 4) #20.

*Leo began investigating the suspicious secrets of Karai and the Foot Clan in TMNT (Vol. 4) #18.

*April nearly died from Baxter Stockman’s nanobots in TMNT (Vol. 4) #9 and learned of her inhuman origin in TMNT (Vol. 4) #14 (an origin not told until TMNT (Vol. 4) #22).

*Splinter died in TMNT (Vol. 4) #10 and had his funeral held in TMNT (Vol. 4) #11.

*This story was the product of students at the Center for Cartoon Studies.


Review:

This here is a nice little “stop and reflect” story that the heavily serialized pace of TMNT Vol. 4 could have really benefitted from. The pacing of this volume made it almost like a soap opera or newspaper comic, where every issue leads directly into the next and you’re hardly afforded the opportunity to stop and take it all in. A light story where two of the characters simply sit down, talk about all the crazy stuff that’s going on in their lives and ask if each other is doing okay really goes a long way in giving the characters a break and the audience as well.

Unfortunately, Laird seemed keen on declaring this one “non canon”, to the point of having that made expressly clear in the opening editorial of the issue, so I guess he didn’t feel the same way. Bummer.

Exactly what harm Laird felt this story perpetrated that it should be stricken from the record at the moment of publication vexes me. Not only does the nature of the story offer a breather to the characters and the audience, but it also complements a plot point from the next issue. Here, Don tells April she needs to take some time for herself to reflect on her personal tragedies. In the following issue of Volume 4, April decides to go on a solo journey to “find herself”. Just that one little sentence from Don does wonders toward making her decision feel smoother and more natural, particularly considering her erratic behavior in the previous issue of Volume 4 (where she becomes the new Nobody for ten minutes).

The story-itself focuses primarily on Don, April and Raph’s various issues, but makes reference to Mike and Leo who have separated from the featured cast by that point in Volume 4 (Leo by studying about the Battle Nexus in private and Mike by getting hauled off to space-jail). The creators at CCS prove they’ve done their research, referencing the necessary stories and ensuring their tale fits in perfectly between issues of Volume 4. As a matter of fact, the Turtle robot Don is working on can be seen half-built and covered in a shroud in the background, just as it’ll appear in the next issue of Volume 4!

The art by Adam Staffaroni is a bit crude, at least in regards to April and the muggers. He seems to have an easier time drawing Don and Gameraph. The Don segments also suffer from an excess of empty white space, though the Raph segments come out ahead with lots of moody night time atmosphere. Raph’s sudden disgust over what he did at the bottom of page 17 is a real highlight, as he reaches out to the critically injured mugger while holding his face in shame. It really speaks volumes without saying a word.

“This Mortal Shell” is pretty much an all-dialogue story, so you have to be into that sort of thing, but the dialogue feels very natural and relevant to the ongoing narrative of Volume 4 (meanwhile, the actual dialogue within Volume 4 is very awkward, clunky and absurd, making this story all the more welcome). If you take editorial mandates of what does and doesn’t count seriously, then you’ll be doing yourself a disservice by skipping this short in your Volume 4 read through. If you’re more willing to decide for yourself on what should and shouldn’t be considered “canon”, then “This Mortal Shell” really does enhance the reading experience and overall journey for at least three of the characters.

Grade: B+ (as in, “But it doesn’t count! So look away! All of you! Especially you in the back! I see you peeking!”)

Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #53

Publication date: December, 2008

Script/Pencils/Inks: Jim Lawson
Lettering: Eric Talbot
Frontispiece: Michael Dooney
Cover: Jim Lawson and Steve Lavigne

“Alien Invaders”

Summary:

Frontispiece: Mike fails miserably at rhyming as he and his brothers build a gargantuan snowman on a rooftop.

It’s the holidays at the farm in Northampton and Casey has a plumber over to fix the water pressure. The plumber sends his teenage assistant, Brian, to the second floor to run one of the toilets. As Ryan passes Shadow’s bedroom, however, something catches his eye. On a shelf, he spots an original, mint in box, Li’l Orphan Alien doll (“Thrunknor”, specifically).

On the drive back, Brian asks his boss (Mr. Pittsinger), who the people that live on that farm are. Mr. Pittsinger explains that it’s just a husband, wife and little girl, and while they seem like nice folk, rumors tell of strange creatures prowling the woods around the place and unidentified individuals leaving the house at odd hours of the night.

When Brian gets home, he observes his collection of original Li’l Orphan Alien dolls; complete save for the absence of the elusive Thrunknor. Brian gets on the phone with his pal, Lenny, and tells him of his find. Apparently, Thrunknor had a limited production run cut short by news reports calling the toy “unlucky” (and eventually leading to the cancellation of the Li’l Orphan Alien line altogether). As a result, the toy goes for over $2,000 on the aftermarket! Hanging up, Brian ponders what he’ll do if he can’t convince the little girl who owns the toy to sell it to him.

While sleeping, Brian has a bizarre dream: Thrunknor appears to him, floating over his bed, and explains that the little girl who owns him does not appreciate him and that he belongs with Brian. Brian realizes what he must do.

The next day, Brian convinces/blackmails Lenny into coming with him to the Jones farm to steal the toy. As Casey and Shadow leave for their daily walk, Brian and Lenny move in. Brian uses a ladder to sneak into Shadow’s room while Lenny stands on watch. Brian snags his precious Thrunknor, but when he comes back down, he finds Lenny missing and several strange two-toed foot prints in the snow. He then spots four creatures in otherworldly armor standing on the roof of the barn. Brian drops the toy and runs away screaming from the “aliens”.

The four “aliens” then proceed into the barn, where they have Lenny bound with rope. The “aliens” prepare their “probe” (a vacuum cleaner), though they decline to use any lubricant. Arms still bound with rope, Lenny runs out of the barn, screaming. The “aliens” remove their armor (built from scrap metal), revealing themselves to be the Ninja Turtles. The Turtles proceed to have a good laugh.

Down the street, Casey and Shadow are returning home when Brian and Lenny run past them, screaming bloody murder. Shadow asks her dad what was wrong with those boys and Casey simply replies, “Sweetheart, all I know is this time of year makes people crazy”.


Turtle Tips:

*This issue also contained the bonus stories, “This Mortal Shell” and “Ghosts of Christmas Past”, as well as a pin-up, “Usagi and Leo”, by Stan Sakai.

*Sakai previously provided a TMNT/Usagi pin-up in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #25.

*For what it’s worth, I think this story takes place the same December as Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #65.

*The Turtles got their hands on a truckload of Li’l Orphan Alien dolls way back in Michaelangelo (microseries) #1.

*Brian mentions “Barlowe’s Guide to Alien Toys”, a spoof on the reference book, “Barlowe’s Guide to Extraterrestrials”.


Review:

It’s hard to believe that this story is 26 pages long, which is a few pages longer than the average comic you can buy on the stands today, as it whizzes by at a hurried pace. It’s very decompressed, but unlike some of Lawson’s other attempts at art and story decompression (Donatello: The Brain Thief), it works out far better.

The story focuses almost exclusively on Brian and his perspective of things, so the extra panels showing off the sci-fi memorabilia littering his room does a good job of giving the audience an idea of what this kid is like without too much crude exposition. His extended two-page phone call with Lenny might fill that “exposition” bracket, but it actually proves a useful tool in showing why a by-all-appearances normal kid who isn’t a thug or miscreant would resort to larceny (and the Turtles dish out a proper punishment; scaring him rather than beating the shit out of him).

As for the humor, I’ll admit that I got a chuckle out of the “no lubricant” gag, but even when the issue isn’t cracking jokes, the light-hearted tone and absurdity (such as the Thrunknor dream sequence) makes it an enjoyable read. The way Brian blackmails Lenny got a laugh out of me, too, for what it’s worth.

Though I doubt it was intentionally written as such, “Alien Invaders” actually compliments another Christmas-set story, “Cold, Cold Ice”, rather nicely. “Cold, Cold Ice” was a particularly sorrowful, soul-crushing tale, so reading it juxtaposed with this light and easygoing story makes the impact of that issue’s tragedy hit you even harder.

Also, this issue came with a sweet pin-up of Leo and Usagi fighting a dinosaur.

Fuck yeah.

Grade: B- (as in, “But if they really wanted to scare the kid, they could’ve just made him watch ‘Secret of the Ooze’.”)

A Christmas Carol

Originally published in: Michaelangelo (microseries) #1 (second printing)

Publication date: December, 1990

Story and Art: Jim Lawson

“A Christmas Carol”

Summary:

In April’s apartment, the Turtles are busy getting into the Christmas Eve spirit. All save for Raph, that is, who after watching too many Christmas specials on TV, gets fed up with the false sentiment and hypocrisy of the holiday and storms out, vowing not to return until Christmas is over.


While running along the rooftops, Raph slips on an icy ledge and plummets to the alley below. With an injured leg, Raph decides to hole up in a small nook as the gentle snow flurries give way to a blizzard.

He is then awoken from his slumber by a rag-clad vagrant, identifying himself as the Ghost of Christmas Past. Raph is skeptical to believe him, at least until he notices the man leaves no footprints in the snow. Raph agrees to go along with the Ghost, who takes him back to the last Christmas he and his brothers shared in the sewer lair. The Ghost points out that even then, Raph distanced himself from his family. The Ghost then takes Raph to another Christmas, when they were attacked by the Foot in April’s apartment and Leonardo nearly died.

Raph suddenly wakes up back in the alley only to be approached by a bag lady identifying herself as the Spirit of Christmas Present. The Spirit takes Raph back to April’s apartment and Raph overhears his brothers and April discussing whether they should go after him or not. They decide just to let Raph do what he wants to do and not force the holiday on him. Raph thinks they sound rather bitter, but the Spirit insists they simply have a different set of values than he does.

Raph is bored with the tour, so the Spirit introduces him to his next guide, a tall, silent man in a hooded jacket. The man brings Raph to a swamp where the Turtle is approached by a snarling monstrous wild-man in a shroud. Raph gets ready to fight, only to discover that the wild-man is actually an older version of himself, missing an eye, living alone in a swamp and seemingly devoid of all rational faculties. Raph turns to the tall man for answers, only to see beneath his hood a grinning skull.

The realization wakes Raph from his sleep in the alley. Leg mysteriously healed, Raph races back to April’s apartment. From a ledge overlooking the window, Raph quietly wishes his family a Merry Christmas.


Turtle Tips:

*For my money’s worth, I say the story “Ghosts of Christmas Past” from Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #53 takes place immediately after this one.

*The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Raph the events of Leonardo (microseries) #1 and TMNT (Vol. 1) #10.

*Raph’s future life in the swamp was previously glimpsed in the 1988 story, “Choices”. How he lost his eye will be detailed in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #69.

*To date, this story has never been reprinted.


Review:

Every franchise has to parody Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” at least once. It’s some kind of rule, I’m sure. Bizarrely, though you’d expect such a thing to be the product of one of the TMNT cartoons produced over the years, it was the uber gritty Mirage comic that gave us our mandatory Christmas Carol parody!

The aptly titled “A Christmas Carol” provides an interesting spin on the typical Raphael-centric story we’re all probably so sick of. You know, Raph acts like a jerk, storms off, some calamity forces him to realize his own jerkitude and he returns to his family with a new perspective on life. Until the next issue, where he’s right back to square one and inevitably has to undergo the whole process of trite reflection all over again.

Yeah, I know, I sound like I’m overstating it, but if you’ve read as many TMNT comics as I have, you’d realize that this particular plot device has been laid onto Raphael far too many times.

For what it’s worth, though, “A Christmas Carol” manages to be an entertaining story despite being a predictable, overdone plot wrapped up in a predictable, overdone Christmas cliché. Back in 1990, this was actually only our second look at Raphael’s mysterious future in the swamp (third if you count that Eric Talbot pin-up), so the mere hint of a terrible future awaiting the grittiest Turtle was enough to make my head spin. Even today, after having many stories set in the future showing us Raph’s swamp-dwelling conclusion, the brief look here remains compelling.

I think the look at past Christmases would have benefited from a trip to Michaelangelo (microseries) #1, where Raph joined his brothers in donning elf disguises and giving toys to orphans. It would’ve made a nice contrast from the Christmas where the Foot attacked them and burned down April’s home and maybe have taught him a better lesson about the holiday spirit than one instance out of a million of him being a standoffish prick.

As for his trip to the present, well, I dunno. Unlike the other trips, Raph didn’t seem to learn a damn thing from this one, other than that his brothers like to talk smack about him behind his back and that some homeless lady thinks he has inferior values.

Lawson’s art for the story is rather good, drawn at a time before he began refining his style down to the utmost minimum of modern cubism. He tends to resort to drawing everyone not wearing a bandana with lifeless black dots for eyes, which often times aren’t even level, which can kind of prove distracting. His action layouts are excellent, though, and I rather dug his idea of personifying the Spirits of Christmas as homeless people.

Overall, this 13-page story feels a bit redundant with, I dunno, nearly every Raph story ever written, but when read in conjunction with the story “Ghosts of Christmas Past” you leave with a better sense that Raph might have actually learned something for a change (more on that for my review of that story). The “Christmas Carol” trappings don’t feel like they’re used to their utmost potential, though I acknowledge that you can only fit so much into 13 pages. At any rate, it gives us a peak at the future era of the Mirage universe and if you’re into that, then you’ll want to pick this comic up.

Grade: C+ (as in, “Cold blooded, Raph. You’re cold blooded. You would have frozen to death, napping in that alley”.)

Michaelangelo (microseries) #1

Publication date: December, 1985

Co-Created, Written and Drawn by: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Letters: Steve Lavigne

“The Christmas Aliens”

Summary:

Its Christmas time in the Big Apple and Mike is out and about, enjoying the nighttime Winter festivities in Central Park. While sledding with some kids (and heavily disguised in a coat, hat and scarf), Mike stumbles across a stray kitty cat. Feeling sorry for the freezing little guy, Mike plucks him up and keeps him warm inside his coat.

Mike heads to the shopping district and stumbles across “Chet’s Toys” while searching for gifts for his family. While playing with some of the toys, Mike accidentally scares Klunk (the name of his new kitty) and sends the cat scampering into the warehouse. Mike heads after him but finds more than just his new pet. He interrupts a gang of robbers, purloining a truckload of Li'l Orphan Alien toys being donated to the Brown Street Children’s Home. The thieves (Hector, Rico and Gronk) speed off in the truck, but Mike gives chase and snags a dangling chord that got caught in the back doors. Mike swings inside the back of the truck, landing on the pile of stolen toys.

Suspicious, Rico and Gronk draw their guns and go to check the back of the truck. Mike springs out of the door and takes the punks out with ease, but the commotion causes Hector to gun it. Mike crosses through an alley, heading the truck off at the pass. Springing onto the roof, Mike makes his way to the cab and pulls Hector out through the window. He dispatches with the sleazebag, only to be berated by angry traffic. Mike decides to take the truck back to Chet’s Toys as the police arrest the thieves.

While driving, however, more cops spot the stolen truck and give chase. Mike panics and sideswipes the cops (it’s okay, they were planning on stealing a few of the toys for themselves!), then bursts through a roadblock. Mike gains some distance, then hides the truck in an alley as the police speed by. Mike realizes that if he reports the location of the truck to the cops, the toys will be impounded as evidence and the kids at the orphanage won’t get them by Christmas (tomorrow!). Mike grabs Klunk from the back of the truck and decides to go get some help.

Mike returns to April’s apartment and, after introducing them to Klunk and relaying his adventure, the Turtles and April make a decision…

Loading the toys into April’s van, they all head over to the Brown Street Children’s Home and deliver them in person to the happy children, all dressed as elves. All save for Mikey, who dressed as Santa, wishes everyone a Merry Christmas!


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT (Vol. 1) #7.  The story continues in TMNT (Vol. 1) #8.

*Despite that chronological placement, this issue was originally published in-between TMNT (Vol. 1) #5 and TMNT (Vol. 1) #6.

*The legacy of the “Li'l Orphan Alien” dolls will be revisited in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #53.

*Raph calls Klunk “My kinda Mouser”. The Turtles fought Baxter Stockman’s Mousers in TMNT (Vol. 1) #2.

*A sign advertising the indie comic “Bloom County” can be seen on page 5.

*Gizmo Sprocket, Fluffy and Soto toys can be seen on page 6. All are characters from Michael Dooney’s “Gizmo” comic.

*Masks for indie comic character Megaton Man and Mirage’s own Fugitoid can be seen on page 7.

*CHET ALERT: the toy store Mike visits is “Chet’s Toys”. “Chet” was a name the Mirage staffers constantly hid into their comics as an in-joke because they… Just liked the name!

*The first printing (December 1985) included a front inside cover with a Turtles Tracks foreword by Eastman and the first part of the letters page. Backmatter included an ad for TMNT #6, the rest of the Turtle Tracks letters page, an ad for iron-ons, a double ad for Prime Slime Tales and Dark Horse pewter miniatures, an ad for Gizmo #1, and a 5-page bonus “Gizmo” story by Michael Dooney, “One Unconventional Robot”. The back inside cover included a pin-up by Kevin Eastman and some guy named “Mcleodz” if I’m reading that signature right.

*The second printing (December, 1990), re-titled “Michaelangelo Christmas Special” (though the back cover and contents page identify it as “TMNT Christmas Special #1”), came with a new cover by Jim Lawson. The front inside cover include Christmas wishes from Eastman, Laird and the Mirage Studios crew. A new index page was also included. Backmatter included a 2-page Christmas spread by Jim Lawson, a 13-page bonus story, “A Christmas Carol”, an ad for the second printing of TMNT #18, and an ad for TMNT trade paperback collections from Mirage. The back inside cover included a Coming in 1991 publication schedule for Mirage.


Review:

Ahhhh, the saccharine beauty of the mandatory feel-good Christmas issue. While I’m not a big fan of the holiday, I oddly enjoy a good Christmas special here and there, and I’ve read far more obnoxiously syrupy yuletide comics (the Christmas issue of Spawn being fairly wretched despite a bitchin’ cover). Though a bit shallow in the story department and, personally, my least favorite of the five TMNT microseries, Michaelangelo #1 isn’t without its positive qualities.

Firstly, it introduces Klunk, the least important important character in Turtle history. But I’ll save my thoughts on that for a review of Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #9.

No, what Michaelangelo #1 does that’s truly worthwhile to the Turtles mythos is establish Mike’s personality. By the time this was published, the ongoing TMNT series had yet to develop a character quirk of any kind for Mike. Leo was the leader, Raph was the hothead, Don was the tech guy… but Mike got nothin’. He was just “the other Turtle”.

Michaelangelo #1 successfully takes “the other Turtle” and fleshes him out as the childish toy-loving geek we all know and… tolerate. Of course, future writers would eventually give Mikey an excess of personality to the point of turning him into the rage-inducing corporate mascot of the franchise, but I think that’s more David Wise’s fault than anybody else’s, so I’ll give Eastman and Laird a break. It is Christmas, after all.

The art in Michaelangelo #1 is busy. I mean really, really busy. Eastman and Laird already had a knack for drawing deserted city streets with ridiculous amounts of gritty detail, but here they draw them filled with people, decked out in lights and decorations and all enshrouded in a constant flurry on falling snow. At times, you really have to stop and search to see what’s going on.

Now, I’ve complained in the past that one of the things that has always infuriated me is when artists draw the Turtles lounging around in their off time… with their bandanas on. I just don’t get that. I can’t stand it. For probably the first time in the series, the Turtles actually get some off time, so Eastman and Laird wisely draw them all sans-bandanas for the length of the issue. It’s a refreshing visual and one I really wish would’ve caught on with more artists or at least on a more consistent level. And dammit, I wish the cartoons and movies would’ve implemented it.

Michaelangelo #1 is a sweet story, if not tooth-rottingly so; but then, it wouldn’t be a Christmas special if it didn’t turn your stomach at least a little bit. As it stands, the issue gave us Klunk and a distinct character for Mikey, so it ranks as a necessary and important chapter in that regard. While the art is busy, there’s still a lot to look at and Eastman and Laird literally jam-pack the pages with Easter Eggs and in-jokes that are lots of fun to look for (I only listed a handful in Turtle Tips; there are more). Michaelangelo #1 may not be my favorite installment in the Microseries, but I appreciate it regardless.

Fifteen Years Later...

Originally published in: Turtle Soup (Vol. 2) #4

Publication date: February, 1992

Story and art: A. C. Farley
Colors: Richmond Lewis

“Fifteen Years Later…”

Summary:

Down in the sewers, a young Con Ed worker is lost, searching for Grid 19 but having accidentally wandered into Grid 32. The young man is distraught; for fifteen years he’s been plagued with awful dreams and haunted by guilt. He had dropped his pet baby turtles down the sewer by accident many years ago, and ever since, he has had nightmares about them as huge, monstrous things. He even believes that he’s glimpsed them in the sewers on previous work days.

The young man suddenly recognizes that Grid 32 is the same sewer tunnel he lost his turtles in all those years ago. Then, by happenstance, he stumbles upon the fragments of the very same glass bowl he dropped down the open manhole.

Standing back up, he shines his flashlight forward and comes face to face with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Raph sends a shuriken into his flashlight, knocking it to the ground, and lifts the young man up by his collar. Raph and the young man look each other in the eyes and a fleeting moment of recognition passes between them. Don then calls Raph off, telling him to “save it for the Foot”. The Turtles disappear into the darkness.

As the young man recovers from the shock, the voice of his boss yells his name (“Chet”) over his walky. His boss asks if he’s lost, but a smiling Chet replies, “…After 15 years, I’m finally in the right location!!”


Turtle Tips:

*Taking place fifteen years after they were dropped into the sewer would put this story at around the same time as the first few issues of TMNT (Vol. 1). Personally, I like to place it within TMNT (Vol. 1) #1, between pages 23 and 24, as the Turtles head for their climactic showdown with the Shredder and the Foot Clan.

*Chet originally had his name spoken (alternately Chester/Chet) in TMNT (Vol. 1) #7.

*The colors for this story depict the Turtles with the multi-colored bandanas of their cartoon counterparts.

*CHET ALERT: The name of the young Con Edison worker is “Chet”. The name “Chet” was an Easter Egg thrown into several stories by the Mirage staff because… They just liked the name!


Review:

The full-color Turtle Soup miniseries was a very good anthology, packed with a bevy of excellent TMNT shorts by both Mirage staffers and guest contributors. But among all the good stuff crammed into those four issues, A.C. Farley’s “Fifteen Years Later” struck a chord with me more than any other.

It’s an incredibly short tale, clocking in at only three pages, but its three pages with a lot of weight and significance to them. You may think it silly for someone to feel guilt over their dead pets for fifteen years, though as an owner of many pets, myself, I think it’s perfectly reasonable. The idea of him being so emotionally attached to baby turtles, of all pets, might make it a bit of a stretch, but different strokes for different folks.

There’s some inkling of a psychic connection between Chet and the Turtles, as he claims to have had nightmares about his dead pets being human-sized “monsters”, but three pages doesn’t provide much room to explore that angle. As a sewer tunnel worker, he mentions that he thought he’d seen them in the darkness, so maybe those brief glimpses of the Turtles infiltrated his subconscious and affected his dreams. I dunno.

As mentioned in the “Turtle Tips” section, I like to place this story within the pages of TMNT (Vol. 1) #1 (between pages 23 and 24, to be precise). The timeline works out, as TMNT #1 takes place fifteen years after the Turtles fell into the sewer, and Don mentions that they are on their way to battle the Foot, and the only time the Turtles go out looking for the Foot in that window of time is during TMNT #1.

The idea of the Turtles running across their old owner while on the way to their climactic showdown with the Shredder helps complete the “full circle” vibe that the story of issue #1 was going for. When battling the Shredder, the Turtles were simply closing the loose end on the tale of Splinter and Hamato Yoshi. But coming across their old owner and inadvertently giving him peace of mind has a way of tying up a loose end of their own.

A.C. Farley has always been one of my favorite TMNT artists, right up there with Eric Talbot and Michael Dooney. He knocks this story out of the park, nailing the wistful expressions of the troubled Chet with such precision that you really don’t need his inner monologue to tell you how he’s feeling. Richmond Lewis’s coloring cannot be understated, either, particularly in regards to his manner of lighting with the flashlight. Farley’s art style is already attuned to horror in and of itself, but Lewis really lays the atmosphere on thick. The three panels where Raph looks Chet in the eyes, with the glare from the light on his hardhat washing away his grown-up features, reducing his countenance to that of a familiar little boy, is just tremendous work.

There is, of course, the matter of the bandanas. I really don’t know what to tell you. If you wish to strike it from canon because of the multi-colored bandanas that is, of course, your privilege. But I’m more inclined to chalk that up as a mere coloring error so as to keep this wonderful story in the chronology.

Overall, the entire Turtle Soup miniseries is worth picking up, even if every story isn’t a winner. “Fifteen Years Later,” however, is a definite winner and my personal pick for best of the entire anthology. It’s short, it’s sweet and it’s perfect.

Grade: A (as in, “A. C. Farley draws some damn freaky Turtles.”)

Turtle Soup (Vol. 2) #4

Publication date: February, 1992

Published by: Mirage


Contents:

*Perrier in The Old Switcheroo!
*Fifteen Years Later…
*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Attack!!! Part 4
*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
*Failed Instant
*Thoughts on Paper


Turtle Tips:

*This miniseries is continued from Turtle Soup (Vol. 2) #3.

Old Times

Publication date: December, 1992

Originally published in: Plastron Café #1

Written and Penciled by: Peter Laird
Inked by: Cyberinkworks Studio
Lettered by: Mary Kelleher

“Old Times”

Summary:

Japan. Honda Province. Early 21st century.

In a house high in the mountains, a much older Donatello orders his computer, Chet, to begin his training simulation; specifically, the New York City circa 1985 rooftop scenario. Don is approached by a horde of Foot Soldiers, but eliminates them with ease and grace.

Believing the simulation over, Don is surprised when Chet introduces a new challenge: The Shredder. Don is impressed with the AI package he bought for Chet’s upgrade showing such initiative and takes the Shredder on. He quickly dispatches his foe, but once again, Chet reminds him that the simulation is not yet over.

Suddenly, holographic versions of himself and his brothers, circa 1985, approach him. Don is shaken and orders Chet to freeze the program and remove all lifeform artifacts save for the Foot and Shredder. Once Chet has completed the task, a weeping Donatello orders him to never do that again.


Turtle Tips:

*The Turtles going their separate ways was foreshadowed in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #45. The cause of their break-up is unknown. In Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #69, Elderly Raph mentions that Shadow Jones did something horrible to Don. Though the exact crime is unknown, Don appears blind in later future-set stories.

*Elderly Don will reappear briefly in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #41. In Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #14 and Tales of the TMNT #55, he will be referenced as having given his brothers various high-tech gifts (a cybernetic bokken and an April robot, respectively). He will reappear one final time in frontispieces and conclusion drawn for the 2007 edition of the Tales of the TMNT Vol. 1 Treasury Edition. His computer, “Chet”, will reappear there as well.

*In the letters page for TMNT (Vol. 1) #51, "Old Times" was described as being the first in a series of "Donatello in the future" stories by Peter Laird. For whatever reason, Laird chose not to continue the series beyond this one strip.

*CHET ALERT: The name of Don’s computer is “Chet”. The name “Chet” was an in-joke among the Mirage staff, constantly snuck into various stories because… they just liked that name!

*“Chet” also happens to be the name of the young boy who originally bought the Turtles from the pet shop as seen in the story “Fifteen Years Later”. Whether Don named the computer in his honor or if it is just a coincidence is unknown.

*To date, “Old Times” has never been reprinted.


Review:

“Old Times” was my very first encounter with the “future era” of the Mirage universe, and right from the start, it positively intrigued me. I assembled my thoughts on the era in detail in my article on the subject, so I’ll try not to repeat myself in this review.

But needless to say, this early glimpse at the positively dismal future of the TMNT (the third glimpse published, though one of the earliest, chronologically) led to many queries buzzing through my mind. Why was Don living by himself in Japan? Why did he change his bandana? Why did the sight of his brothers bring him to tears? WHAT HAPPENED!?!

Of course, years later, we’d receive some answers, but the cryptic presentation at the time really left me chewing at the bit. For the rest of my thoughts on the subject, check out the lengthier article linked to above.

Anyhow, by 1992, Laird wasn’t drawing the Turtles much anymore, what with being mired in the paperwork of the ever-growing pop culture phenomenon that was his brainchild. So seeing him return to pencil an 8-page anthology episode was a real treat. Don only really begins to show his age in close-ups, where he’s wrinkly and has the worst case of chapped lips I’ve ever seen, but it remains a sobering visual. 

Also, hey, we get to see Laird draw the Foot and Shredder again!

With Shredder being dead far more often than not in the Mirage series, getting to see him in these comics is a rare treat. Usually, it’s some sort of duplicate or a dream sequence or whatever, much like the holographic simulation seen here, but all that matters is seeing that bitchin' armor for a couple pages. Shredder doesn’t put up much of a fight, and Don takes him out with a single blow to the trachea, but the menacing poses are what counts. I wonder if the ease with which Don dispatches the Shredder illustrates that the Shredder simulation was vastly inferior to the genuine article, or that if by the early 21st century, Don’s ninja skills had increased to the point that circa 1985 Shredder was no longer a challenge? Or maybe a little of both?

Anyhow, “Plastron Café” was a rather forgettable anthology series. I’d honestly say that its’ high points are concisely contained in this first issue (those points being “Old Times” and the Gizmo story, “Sirensong”). Veitch’s Casey Jones story got reprinted, completed and colorized in a 2-part miniseries, which I’d recommend over the incomplete, black and white version seen in “Plastron Café”. Meanwhile, the remaining stories, such as Jim Lawson’s “Guzzi LeMans”, range from mediocre to “I never want to read this again”.

“Old Times”, however, is totally worth tracking this issue down.