Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #67

Originally published: February 28, 2010

Script: Dan Berger
Pencils and tones: Dario Brizuela
Inks: Andres Ponce
Letters: Eric Talbot
Cover: Dario Brizuela and Steve Lavigne
Frontispiece: Michael Dooney

“Schooled”

Summary:

Frontispiece: A young and pouty-looking Shadow sits on a stool in the corner of her elementary school classroom. She whines that keeping so many secrets is way too hard and wishes she could tell them to somebody. Deciding that the audience looks trustworthy, she gets ready to tell her tale…

At their apartment, April and Casey are wondering how they’re going to pay for Shadow’s tuition at the most exclusive (and expensive) private kindergarten in New York. They decide that giving Shadow such an opportunity would be worth blowing their savings and go for it.

Elsewhere, Raph and Leo are prowling the streets; Raph feeling annoyed that life has been so dull lately, robbing him of purpose. They spot a woman getting into a fight with her drunken husband and, against Leo’s advice, Raph decides to intervene. Raph breaks the husband’s wrist, only to get kicked upside the head by the wife, who chases them away and then goes to console her drunken, injured spouse.

The next morning, at the office of Mr. Wentworth (Principal of the private kindergarten), April and Casey find out that Shadow has been accepted into the school and that there are plenty of financial aid plans to help accommodate them. Casey dances a jig around the office, ripping his suit in the process.

That evening, Mike and Don decide to go see a showing of the newest Studio Ghibli flick. Unfortunately, they’re broke. On the street, Mike notices a yuppie unknowingly drop his wallet while on the phone with his pal Ernie (coincidentally, the guy Raph beat the night before). Mike rushes down to grab the wallet, surprised at the amount of cash within. Don insists he return the money and Mike reluctantly obeys. However, when he attempts to give it back, the yuppie freaks out, drops his phone and runs away screaming. Mike endeavors to simply mail him back his wallet while Don scoops up the phone, an expensive new model iBerry, and begins making plans to dismantle its circuitry. Mike reminds Don of his own advice and Don relinquishes the phone. Both Turtles sigh that they can’t afford the things they want.

A few days later, in Shadow’s room, the Turtles help get her ready for her first day of school. Mikey babies his “princess”, Don tells her to always ask for extra credit assignments if she gets bored, Leo tells her to respect her elders and all authority and Raph tells her to get in a fight as soon as possible to prove her dominance. Raph is cast out of the bedroom. Storming down the hall, Raph tries to hide his tears and sniffles. He’s met by Casey and both tough guys share a horribly anime-inspired weeping scene, moved by the fact that little Shadow is growing up. April chides them.

On the drive to school, Casey tells Shadow to make sure not to tell anyone about her Uncles under any circumstances. Shadow agrees and gets to class. To begin the year, her teacher, Mrs. O’Brien, asks everyone in class to stand up and talk about themselves and their family. The usual flock of spoiled rich kids talk about their parents, who are lawyers, judges, novelists and other kinds of wealthy so-and-sos. Shadow proceeds to tell the class that her dad is a handyman and his girlfriend owns the apartment building her works in. All the kids start to laugh, making Shadow angry. She then proceeds to tell them the “truth”; that her daddy is a superhero and her Uncles are giant ninja animals and that they’ve fought sorcerers and rock monsters and all sorts of bad guys and that their daddies are all wimps compared to hers. One of the kids calls Shadow a liar, prompting her to punch his lights out.

Shadow is quickly expelled and Casey is called in to pick her up (with no refund for their tuition fee, too). On the drive home, Casey lectures Shadow on how this is going to set them back financially all for nothing, that she’s wasted a great opportunity and that April is going to be heartbroken. Shadow starts to cry and asks Casey if he hates her, now. Casey is moved and tells her that he could never, ever hate her. He realizes that a private school may not have been the right place for her and that he should have been thinking about what she wanted, not what he wanted. Matter resolved, they go for ice cream. Over ice cream, Casey asks Shadow not to let Splinter know she refers to him as "Grampy Splinter", since he's so sensitive about his age. Shadow "promises" not to.

Later, at a pier facing the East River, Raph stands alone. A familiar woman approaches him. She apologizes for kicking him in the head and realizes that he was just trying to help. She thanks him for helping her to understand that she is worth something and has decided to leave her abusive husband and make something of herself. Raph tells her that if she thinks she’s worth something, then she is worth something and disappears into the night. The woman walks home, ignoring the cat calls of various street urchins as Raph watches to ensure she gets there safely.


Turtle Tips:

*According to Berger’s letter at the beginning of the issue, this story takes place three years after the end of TMNT (Vol. 2).

*Shadow says that April is still Casey’s girlfriend. Casey proposed to April in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #43, which takes place 3 years before this issue. Apparently, they still haven’t tied the knot.

*The drawings on pages 20-21, as well as Shadow’s speech, cover several events from the comics and even the 4Kids cartoon. The drawings from left to right include Casey fighting Dragonface (a villain exclusive to the 4Kids cartoon), Leo fighting the Shredder (in his 4Kids armor), Splinter and some mousers (TMNT Vol. 1 #3), Mikey fighting a Triceraton (TMNT Vol. 1 #6), Raph fighting Savanti Romero (TMNT Vol. 1 #8) and Don fighting Complete Carnage (Tales of the TMNT Vol. 1 #5).

*This issue also included a bonus pin-up, “TMNT” by Andie Tong, artist of "Digital Webbing Presents the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". Sweet.


Review:

You want to know the honest, embarrassing truth? When the last five issues of Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) were solicited, this was the one I was most eagerly anticipating. Why? Because it just looked really, really cute.

I love Dario Brizuela’s style (at least when he isn’t going overboard on the anime sight gags, like on page 15) and I was sold just by his cover art for this issue alone. His six year-old Shadow is adorable. Sorry. I just couldn’t help it.

Storywise, this is a “day in the life” kind of story and not much of an action issue. It isn’t quite as “interestingly dull” as Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #55, which I also liked, but it serves as a great look inside the mundane-yet-fun life of the Jones family, and I can always do with more of those. As a character, I liked Shadow better when she was a little kid, right around this age, mostly because she was cute. Once she grew up and got all bratty? No thanks. I have to give the writers of the recent TMNT comics some props, though. Shadow’s personality develops in a manner not unlike real teenage girls. She’s positively “precious” at around ages five through ten, but once she hits fourteen or so? Like in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #7? Look out. She’s going to drive you nuts.

But anyway, the spotlight of this story is simply seeing Casey act like a real dad and nothing but a real dad. No superheroics. No crazy adventures. Just all-dad, all the time. It’s amusing to see how he’s been “tamed” by his family, but still behaves like the same old Casey we’ve come to love. April, unfortunately, sort of fades into the background like she always does, which is a shame, since there really aren’t enough stories showing her having a hand in Shadow’s life as there should be (aside from a couple of examples, we really don’t get to see much of a mother-daughter dynamic between them).

My favorite scene has to be the bit where each Turtle gives Shadow some advice on how to behave on her first day at school. It’s hilarious and totally spot-on (like Dan Berger could write the Turtles spot-off?). While I could’ve done without the follow-up scene where Raph and Casey do an anime wild-take (seriously, what was up with that? Brizuela never implemented any of that anime stuff in his previous issues), it’s still a wonderful scene.

The subplots involving the Turtles felt a tad shoehorned in for the sake of action. While Raph’s story had something of a related point about seeing the worth in one’s self despite what others say (which worked with Shadow overcoming the ridicule of her peers by being proud of her family, at least in a roundabout sort of way), I still think the point could have been delivered without it. And while Mike’s and Don’s story kinda-sorta had something to do with the overarching theme of “money trouble”, it was entirely superfluous. All these subplots did was take away from seeing more of Shadow preparing for school and Casey and April trying to cope with their financial troubles, which I’d have preferred to see more of (particularly if it meant giving April more to do than be talking scenery).

Anyway, this was a very cute issue that’s mostly going to appeal to the hardcore Turtles crowd who actually care about mundane stuff like “Shadow’s first day of school” with no ninja goons or monsters in sight. I can’t imagine any casual readers really being thrilled with the tale. Of course, by this point, I don’t think Tales of the TMNT has any casual readers. And since only the diehard Turtle fanatics are still picking up the title this far into its coffin, I can’t say the story really had any major failings.


Grade: B+ (as in, “Bet you all forgot Shadow was really a blonde, right? Ha!”)

TMNT Adventures #28

Originally published: January, 1992

Script/edits: Dean Clarrain (Steve Murphy)
Pencils: Chris Allan
Inks: Brian Thomas
Letters: Gary Fields
Colors: Barry Grossman
Managing edits: Victor Gorelick
Cover: Ken Mitchroney and Steve Lavigne

“Midnight Sun, part one”

Summary:
Stashed away in the hull of a cargo plane, Splinter tells the Turtles and April the tale of Izanagi and Izanami, the pair of gods who created the islands of Japan (Izanami doing so by forfeiting his eyesight). While all the other Turtles are enthralled with Splinter's story, eternal buzz-kill Leonardo asks April to go over her story one more time so they can work on a strategy of attack. April retells her tale of how Fu Sheng and Chu Hsi (the Warrior Dragon) were kidnapped by a band of mysterious ninja and taken to far off Hiroshima, Japan (where their plane is currently heading).



Down in Hiroshima, a young girl is sitting on a stoop smoking a cigarette when suddenly a group of ninja leak out of the shadows and seize her. Her struggle is in vain, as they whisk her off to a hidden and heavily guarded warehouse by the sea. She is greeted by Chien Khan, a masked man garbed in Feudal Era samurai armor, and his mysterious right hand ninja, cloaked in shadow. Decorating the room is Fu Sheng, tied to a pillar, and Chu Hsi, laid out unconscious on a table. Chien Khan wants to take possession of the soul of the Warrior Dragon within Chu Hsi and he demands Fu Sheng tell him how.

At the airport, our heroes are in a jam. Nothing but wide open spaces and armed guards in the middle of broad daylight as far as the eye can see; not exactly ninja-friendly. April concocts a plan to get them out of there and approaches a guard. She explains that they are television stars from America, arriving in costume, and are lost. The guard recognizes April O’Neil and happily shows them the way out, albeit in exchange for an autograph. As the guard ponders why all the American actors have Italian names, the Turtles, Splinter and April sneak into the sewers.

Donatello remarks that it’s odd how the city of Hiroshima is older than America, yet their sewers are newer than the ones in New York City. Heading East, Splinter explains that the sewers had to be reconstructed in the 40s after World War II. Suddenly, the Turtles are stopped by a group of street thugs carrying knives who refuse to let them pass.

Back at the warehouse, Fu Sheng refuses to help Chien Khan, who intends to use the Warrior Dragon to lay waste to civilization. Chien Khan is aware that threatening to kill Fu Sheng if he doesn’t help would be a meaningless gesture, so instead he threatens to kill the girl he just had kidnapped should he refuse to cooperate.



Back in the sewer, Splinter tries to peacefully negotiate his way past the thugs. They say that they have been troubled by ninja, lately, and since the Turtles are dressed like ninja, they must be their enemies. Before Splitner can explain, a horde of Chien Khan’s ninja arrive and attack. The thugs immediately rush the TMNT, who counter the threat as Khan's ninja disappear into the shadows. The Turtles, April and Splinter make short work of the thugs, but were distracted long enough by them to allow the ninja to escape.



One of the ninja returns to Chien Khan’s base and explains the situation to his master. Chien Khan is prepared to deal with them and turns to his mysterious assistant: Ninjara. Ninjara steps out of the shadows, revealing herself to be a female fox-woman dressed in kunoichi garb. Chien Khan dispatches her to hunt down their enemies and she promises to return with their heads.


Turtle Tips:

*This issue continues from TMNT Adventures #27, specifically picking up the plot line of the back-up stories, which began in TMNT Adventures #24. The story continues in TMNT Adventures #29.

*Though April has been seeing a lot of him, the Turtles last met Chu Hsi/Warrior Dragon in TMNT Adventures #20. Chu Hsi and Fu Sheng were kidnapped by the mysterious ninja in TMNT Adventures #25.

*The street thugs from the sewer will return in TMNT Adventures #31.

*Because I know Japanese, I might as well translate Izanagi and Izanami’s dialogue from the beginning of the issue:
Izanagi and Izanami: “One circle.”
Izanagi: “To drop.”
Izanagi: “Beauty.”
Izanagi: “To draw forth.”
Izanagi: “To build.”
Izanagi: “Beyond.”
Izanagi: “To return.”

*This issue was published in the UK by Fleetway in TMHT Adventures #51.


Review:

With the “breather” stories finally, mercifully behind us, we can move on to the next story arc of TMNT Adventures. The series really starts to take a turn in atmosphere and plot complexity at around this point. Although Dean Clarrain’s (Steve Murphy’s) eco-preaching never truly goes away, he dials it back a few shades, as it goes from “borderline psychotic” to “mildly irritating”. At any rate, it won’t absorb entire multi-issue narratives for an excruciating length of time again. At least, not for a while, anyway.

I’d like to say that the more dramatic change in tone has to do with the big switch from Ken Mitchroney to Chris Allan as the book’s main artist. Mitchroney’s style was suited more toward fun, goofy adventures while Allan’s is definitely more of an action adventure style (with a hint of cartoonish charm). I like them both for different reasons, but Allan’s style helped elevate the book to a whole new level. And with him entrenched for a good long (uninterrupted) run starting here, TMNT Adventures really begins to take shape.

The “Midnight Sun” arc is a good start toward the more “serious” direction fans like to compliment the book on, though, really, TMNT Adventures never gets half as serious as some fans like to claim it does; always tempering its darker moments with doses of humor and levity (this is a kid’s book, after all). Personally, I find that “Midnight Sun” has the problem of focusing on characters I simply don’t care all that much about. I’ve never been enthralled with Warrior Dragon. I don’t hate him or anything; don’t get me wrong. He just never wowed me as a supporting character.

And then there’s Ninjara. I do hate Ninjara. Created and owned by Steve Murphy and Chris Allan (rather than Mirage or Archie), she just flat out reeks of “Mary Sue” qualities, even before that trope existed. A “hot” fox-woman from a secret race of Japanese ninja fox-people who is, like, a totally awesome fighter and stuff and, oh yeah, she’s Raphael’s girlfriend!1!1 Good god, it’s like Murphy had a time machine but instead of using it to get lotto numbers he used it to cull ideas directly from internet fanfiction. All she amounts to is some furry fangirl’s awful “fursona”. Ninjara’s just a shallow, terminally lame character and I really dislike her.

Unfortunately for me, she isn’t going anywhere. In fact, in time, she’s going to become one of the principle characters of the series and will get as much screentime as any of the Turtles. Damn.

That aside, she really doesn’t do much of anything in this issue, but I just thought I’d lay my feelings on the table since this was her first appearance. The issue itself is plotted nicely (though the sewer thugs don’t seem to notice that they’re talking to giant animals) and I got a legitimate laugh from the “autograph” gag. Allan’s art is shaping up (his Turtles are still caught in a phase between “puffy and cute” and “goofy but dynamic”), though he draws Japanese city streets identical to American ones, which is a tad distracting.

Anyhow, this issue is something of a milestone for the book or at least it represents a turning point. The Dimension X crew from the cartoon are gone (only Shredder will return in the future), the “Captain Planet”-esque finger-wagging is taking a break and the stories are gradually getting more and more daring. Plus, hey, this Chris Allan dude can really draw! On the other hand, it’s a rather uneventful issue with no stand-out moments; the usual “warm up” chapter for any story arc.

Grade: B- (as in, “But how come the sewer thugs also speak English? And fluently? Oh, wait, they were only talking to Splinter, so maybe they were talking in Japanese? And we just didn’t know it? Hell, I dunno…”)

Mirage Mini Comics Collection story #11

Originally published in: Mirage Mini Comics Collection
Publication date: 1989

Story and art: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird

“Casey Jones, Private Eye”

Summary:

In an office in the city somewhere, Casey Jones, private eye, is standing behind his desk, pondering how funky the city can be. Just then, a ravishing yet familiar dame walks in. She asks if he’s heard the news, and he has: the Slaughter Dogs, a ruthless gang Casey helped put away, have just busted out of jail. She asks what Casey intends to do. He intends to take her for a night on the town.

Detective Jones’s “night on the town” turns out to be a trip to the seediest pool hall in the city. Just as things start to get “romantic”, the Slaughter Dogs drive their truck through the side of the building. The Slaughter Dogs just so happen to be giant Turtles in trench coats and fedoras, wielding tommy-guns.

The Slaughter Dogs open fire and Casey, grabbing his gal, ducks for cover behind a pool table. Thinking fast, he knocks over the table for extra cover, then hurls a pair of billiard balls at the Slaughter Dogs, knocking out “Mugsy” and “Killer”. Grabbing a cue, Detective Jones then proceeds to lay a third Slaughter Dog out cold. The last remaining Slaughter Dog prepares to gun Casey down, only to discover he’s out of ammo. The pair then engage in a fist fight, with Detective Jones on the losing end. All hope seems lost until the dame smashes a bottle over the Turtle’s head.

With the Slaughter Dogs all down for the count, the police finally arrive and Detective Jones hands the hoodlums over to the Police Sergeant. Giving his gal a smooch, Jones walks off into the night.

However, before things can get really good, April and one of the Turtles wakes Casey up from his pleasant dream. Apparently, he fell asleep while watching “Dirk Bolt, Detective” on TV. April tells Casey to come help her clean out the barn like he promised while the Turtle chides him for being such a lazy couch potato. Casey just sighs that reality’s a real bummer.


Turtle Tips:

*For my money’s worth, I like to place this story just before TMNT (Vol. 1) #14, “The Unmentionables”, as both share the common “Casey-as-old-fashioned-detective” themes.


Review:

The Mirage Mini Comics Collection was an interesting if badly overpriced experiment. The contents are extremely hit and miss, but some genuinely good nuggets managed to gleam through. Among them was this forgotten little short, “Casey Jones, Private Eye”.

At eight pages, it’s really nothing more than a gag piece, but a fun divergence nevertheless. It actually segues into “The Unmentionables” rather nicely, what with it taking place in Northampton and all, not to mention the overarching theme of Casey wanting to be an old school detective. I think it’s more fun than “The Unmentionables”, honestly, which was a story I never much cared for. “Casey Jones, Private Eye” executes the joke much better, which really only had about eight pages-worth of potential in it, anyway. It’s amusing to see Casey trying to talk in old school detective lingo but butchering it with his meager intellect, not to mention seeing how he casts his friends in his own little “movie”.

Of the three Turtles stories published in the Mirage Mini Comics Collection, “Casey Jones, Private Eye” is the only one I really like. “A Forgotten TMNT Adventure” is nothing but more of Stephen Murphy’s tedious eco-preaching, while “Lasagna Loves” isn’t really much of a TMNT story. Anyhow, hit and miss though the collection is, I’d recommend it to fans of Mirage comics in general, though perhaps not fans only of TMNT. Just don’t pay more than cover price for it, since even $12 bucks is really pushing its value, considering the incredibly cheap presentation.

Grade: B (as in, “But I’ll never get a good night’s sleep again until I know what the other two Turtles’ mobster names were”.)

 

Mirage Mini Comics Collection

Originally published: 1989

Cover: Mark Martin


Contents:

Story #1: “Dead Biker and Gutsucker” (by Jim Lawson)
Story #2: “Melting Pot” (by Kevin Eastman and Jim Lawson)
Story #3: “Atlantic City, Paradise” (Stephen Murphy, Steve Lavigne, Dan Berger)
Story #4: “A Forgotten TMNT Adventure” (Dean Clarrain/Stephen Murphy, Michael Dooney, Dan Berger)
Story #5: “Reflections on a Metal Face” (a Gizmo story by Michael Dooney)
Story #6: “The Fraying Weave” (Stephen Murphy)
Story #7: “Mobile” (Michael Zulli, Stephen Murphy)
Story #8: “L’il Tiny Comics” (Rick Veitch)
Story #9: “Lasagna Loves” (Mark Martin)
Story #10: “Bush Babies” (Mark Bode)
Story #11: “Casey Jones, Private Eye” (Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird)
Story #12: “Terrorsaurs” (Steve Bissette, Peter Laird)
Story #13: “Commandosaurs” (Peter Laird, Steve Bissette)


Turtle Tips:

*Only “A Forgotten TMNT Adventure”, “Lasagna Loves” and “Casey Jones, Private Eye” are TMNT stories.

*This was a tiny box set of 8-page comics published on 4 ¼” by 5 ½” scraps of cheap paper. $11.95 was really pushing it, guys.

TMNT (Vol. 3) #8

Originally published: April, 1997

Writer: Gary Carlson
Penciler: Frank Fosco
Inker: Andrew Pepoy
Letters: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Erik Larsen

Chief executive: Garrett Chin

Witless buffoon: Josh Eichorn
Cover pencils: Frank Fosco
Cover inks: Erik Larsen
Cover colors: Reuben Rude & I.H.O.C.

Summary:

At Blake Towers, home of mob boss Antoine Puzorelli, Raph is still taking his fall after a Foot Soldier cut his escape line. One of Antoine’s goons takes a look over the balcony, unaware that Raph is actually above him. Raph comes plummeting down, catching the rope on the goon’s neck. Raph uses the instant of tautness to swing and crash through a lower apartment window and escape.

Elewhere, at a pub, Casey is still drinking away his sorrows over his missing daughter. Don continues to spy on him to make sure he keeps out of trouble, but dozes off for an instant, losing him. While passing through a bad neighborhood, Casey is approached by a gang of muggers. Instead of paying them off, Casey reaches into his bag, pulls out his hockey mask and bat and wails on them. Thinking them beat, he begins to stumble off, only to get shot in the back by one of the muggers. Don finally catches up and scares the hoodlums off. He picks Casey up, assuring him that his wound is not fatal, and lugs him off to the nearest hospital.

At the sewer lair, April, Leo and Mike are waiting anxiously for any word from or Don. Suddenly, a newscast on TV reports a giant bat epidemic in Midway City. In each of the cases, once one of the bats were killed, they reverted back to normal human beings. Mike and Leo realize that it must be Splinter’s doing, his mutagen causing “vampire”-like effects. Leo is a bit irked that he can’t go to find Splinter, instead stuck having to hunt down Shadow. Mike throws him the keys to the Triceraton aircar and tells him to go it alone while he and the others worry about Shadow. Meanwhile, April gets a call from Don about Casey’s condition and rushes to the hospital.

Outside, as Mikey waves Leo goodbye, he’s approached by the badly injured Raph. Mike patches Raph up as his brother relays everything he learned during his adventure. Deciding that this entire predicament is his fault, Mike leaves to bring Shadow back on his own.

At Puzzoreli’s apartment, Mike peers in through a window and spots Puzorelli’s nephew Joey enjoying the big man’s private floozy. Apparently, Puzorelli has taken Shadow to St. John’s Cathedral for her baptismal. Mike races off.

At St. John’s, we find out that Shadow (AKA Maria Isabella Puzorelli) is Antoine Puzorelli’s grand-daughter; her birth mother, Gabrielle had conceived her with Antoine’s son, Albert, who was assassinated. The Foot had found out about this, kidnapped Shadow and delivered her to the unknowing Antoine with proof of her birthright…for a fee. The elderly Antoine took her in, not caring about who had been taking care of her before now (and not even knowing).

Before Shadow can be baptized, Mike sneaks in dressed as an acolyte and “accidentally” sets the Priest on fire. He then grabs Shadow and makes his escape. Unfortunately, he gets lost in the big church and winds up in the bell tower. Puzorelli’s mobster goons, lead by the late-to-the-party Nephew Joey, chase after Mike and onto the ledges of the roof. Cradling Shadow, Mike manages to disguise himself as a gargoyle and escape their notice. The ninja trappings lead Puzorelli to believe that the attack at his apartment and at the church were perpetrated by the Foot Clan, who hadn’t given him any trouble since the Shredder was killed, and swears vengeance. On the other side of the coin, he’s old and tired and wants to retire from the mob life with his granddaughter and considers leaving his empire to Joey.

At the hospital, April and Casey kiss and make up. Mike then sneaks in through the window and reunites the happy family with their lost daughter. They ask Mike what happened and Mike offers to tell them the long story, but only over some pasta.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT (Vol. 3) #7. The story continues in TMNT (Vol. 3) #9.

*Outside the pub is a sign advertising “Big Bang Comics”. The Turtles appeared in Big Bang Comics #10 in a story also written by Carlson.

*Splinter was turned into a giant bat in TMNT (Vol. 3) #5.

*Oroku Saki, the Shredder, was killed in TMNT (Vol. 1) #1 and again in TMNT (Vol. 1) #21.


Review:

Full of ninja intrigue, a nice spotlight on the Jones family and some genuine emotional connections between characters, the three-issue “kidnapping of Shadow” arc was definitely a step in the right direction for the series. A welcomed break from the super villainy of Lord Komodo and coming just before a big ole crossover with a bunch of Image Comics spandexed superheroes, it’s the kind of grim and gritty and more “down to Earth” TMNT story that I prefer. If you’re not into the superheroes or the goofy mutant animals that populate the TMNT Universe, then this is the kind of story arc meant for you.

The revelation of Shadow’s true parentage was a bit off the wall, but played up well. Despite his evil career choice, Puzorelli doesn’t come off as a particularly nasty guy; just a tired old man who genuinely loves his estranged grand-daughter and wants to retire with what’s left of his family. A welcomed contrast to the previous two-dimensional bad guy, Lord Komodo. It’s kind of hard to believe that Gabrielle, that sweetheart from Casey’s arc in “City at War”, could ever be involved with a mob boss's son, and as recently as only a few months before meeting Casey, but hey, we really don’t know a whole lot about Gaby when you stop and think about it. It sort of makes sense, anyway. She probably had a “thing” for dangerous men. I mean, she hooked up with Casey, after all.

Art-wise, this isn’t one of Fosco’s best issues. When they aren’t wearing their masks and there are no shadows to dress their faces, Fosco draws the TMNT with very blank and un-detailed countenances. While I normally adore his art, this style doesn’t really do much for me. Luckily, it’s only for a few panels and everything else in the issue looks just fine. Well, I still don’t much like his pouty-lipped “super model” rendition of April, but I can get over that.

Anyhow, at three issues this was a short but sweet arc and exactly the sort of thing the book needed after the silly and cartoonish opening arc. This is where the series really starts to pick up in quality and I especially enjoyed this story line.

Grade: B (as in, “But let me remind you: Mikey set a Priest on fire. Holy shit”.)

Quest for Dreams Lost #1

Originally published by: Literacy Volunteers of Chicago
Publication date: 1987

Art and story: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Inks: Ryan Brown and Jim Lawson
Letters: Steve Lavigne

“Word Warriors” (see Turtle Tips)

Summary:

(The following context is taken from the “Quest for Dreams Lost” comic plotline and is not mentioned in the actual “Word Warriors” segment.)

After a pair of movers lose their van full of priceless historical and literary artifacts, their boss decides to phone up a slew of heroes to retrieve the missing antiques. Matt Sinkage (of “Silent Invasion”) recovers the portrait of Dorian Gray, Eb’nn (of “Eb’nn”) recovers the Maltese Falcon, Reacto Man (of “Reacto Man”) recovers H.G. Wells’s time machine, J. B. Space (of “Tales from the Aniverse”) recovers the Pied Piper of Hamelin’s pipe, Wordsmith (of “Wordsmith”) recovers The Shadow’s ring, the adventurers from “The Realm” recover Dorothy’s ruby slippers, the Trollords (of “The Trollords”) recover Charon’s ore from the River Styx, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…

In a rowboat out in Central Park pond, Splinter tells the boss over a cellular (???) phone that he is over the spot where the item has been discarded and is preparing to secure it. As one of the Turtles (who? I dunno) rows, Leonardo exclaims that he can’t believe THE Excalibur, sword of King Arthur, is sunk at the bottom of Central Park pond. Splinter sends Leo down to retrieve the blade, and as Leo dives, he suddenly and inexplicably regrets not bringing his katana with him.

Swimming down to the floor, he finds Excalibur imbedded in a cinderblock. He begins working it free, unaware that a tentacled, three-eyed monster is coming up behind him. As the monster clutches him, Leo finally works the sword free and slices off the beast’s tentacles. His work complete, Leo resurfaces and delivers Excalibur to Splinter.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was originally published as part of a single issue anthology comic, “Quest for Dreams Lost”, published by the Literacy Volunteers of Chicago. The goal was for all proceeds to go to the fight against illiteracy and for the content of the book to encourage kids to read more classic literature.

*This story was later reprinted in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback, but without any context whatsoever to the story, making it rather confusing if you are not acquainted with the plot of “Quest for Dreams Lost”.

*The title “Word Warriors” comes from the contents page in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback. However, considering how incredibly error-filled and unreliable that contents page is, the title may be inaccurate. As a matter of fact, “Word Warriors” was the title of a second anthology comic published by the Literacy Volunteers of Chicago intended for the same purposes as “Quest for Dreams Lost” (albeit “Word Warriors” contained no TMNT content). It could be possible that whoever wrote the contents page in “Shell Shock” mixed the two comics up. Or it could be a coincidence. I guess we’ll never know.

*In the letters page of TMNT (Vol. 4) #17, Peter Laird made it explicitly clear that “Word Warriors”, though written and drawn by himself and Kevin Eastman, is not a part of Mirage continuity: “The Leo/Excalibur story was done for an anthology comic book to benefit literacy, as I recall, and was not meant to be considered part of the Mirage TMNT Continuity”.

*The Aniverse #1, which has characters who appear in this special, features a guest TMNT crossover pin-up by Laird and Dooney.


Review:

Man, you have no idea how confused this story made me when I first read it. Like most folks, my first encounter with “Word Warriors” (if that’s even its real title) was in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback, and like most people who read it that way, I didn’t have a fucking clue what was going on. Who was Splinter talking to on his kickass gigantic 1980s corded cellular phone? What was Excalibur doing in Central Park pond? Where did that baby Cthulhu come from? How come none of the Turtles ever mentioned again that they had fucking Excalibur lying around in their basement?

Damn, man.

“Shell Shock” is a great resource, but the thing has some serious set-backs. The aforementioned error-riddled contents page being one of them, but perhaps the worst offender is the lack of any sort of index page explaining where the multitude of included shorts originated from (heck, they managed to include this sort of index in Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1, so it’s not an impossible feat). Without any context behind the plot or even a source to go look into, I was pretty much just left scratching my head in utter confusion.

Then the internet happened and hey, wouldn’t ya know it? “Word Warriors” is from some hyper-obscure charity one-shot that no one’s ever heard of and if you say you’ve heard of it before now then you’re a fucking liar. Problem solved.

At five pages, it’s a pretty unremarkable story, even with the context of the overarching “Quest for Dreams Lost” plot. Actually, the premise of “the Turtles diving underwater to recover an ancient artifact and getting attacked by a monster” was somewhat recycled (intentionally or otherwise) for “The Rippling” in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #20, which did a bit of a better job with it. Admittedly, it had fourteen pages to work with rather than five.

Laird’s revelation that “Word Warriors” is a non-canon story is a tad disappointing if you were anticipating Leonardo having all sorts of crazy adventures with Excalibur in future issues. In actuality, even if it was canon, that still wouldn’t have happened since all the artifacts were returned to their owner at the end. Its not like Leo kept the thing.

Anyhow, I applaud the purpose of the project, don’t get me wrong. Anything to get kids interested in reading is a worthwhile endeavor. The story-itself, though, even when taken as part of the larger “Quest for Dreams Lost” comic and not as an isolated “WTF” moment, still isn’t much to write home about.

TMNT (Vol. 1) #2

Publication date: October, 1984

Cover: Peter Laird
Story and art: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Inking/Toning: Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Letters: Kevin Eastman

"TMNT vs. the Mousers" (title taken from official TMNT homepage)

Summary:

Down in the sewer lair, Raph and Mike are sparring loudly in the living room, much to the annoyance of their brothers and Splinter. Suddenly, something on TV catches Splinter’s attention. It is a news program spotlighting scientist Baxter Stockman and his new “mouser” robots. With the help of his assistant, April O’Neil, Baxter releases a rat into a maze as well as one of the small, toothy mousers. As the mouser hunts down and messily devours the rodent, Baxter explains that the highly adaptive machine is controlled by a “mother computer” rather than any onboard sentience, and can contain up to five rats. Baxter is convinced that the mousers will solve New York’s “rat problem”.

As Raph and Mike trash the lair, Splinter decides to go meditate on this predicament. As he leaves, he orders Raph and Mike to clean up their mess.

Several weeks pass, and although the mousers prove effective, there has also been a rash of bizarre bank robberies plaguing the city. Inside Baxter’s building, April reads the newspaper article on the subject to Baxter, detailing how the bank vaults were all breached by tunnels only a small child could crawl through. April ponders if maybe the mousers were being used for nefarious purposes, though Baxter shakes the idea off. Baxter then decides it’s high time to show April a little “secret”.

Taking her to a private elevator, they descend to a sub-basement where Baxter reveals an assembly line producing hundreds of mousers. Like a true comic book villain, Baxter delivers a monologue explaining his evil scheme: He was the one behind the rash of bank robberies and used the funds to build an army of mousers. The mousers have already begun chewing away at the foundations of several buildings in the city and he intends to hold those buildings for ransom. April asks why he’s doing all this when he could make an equal sum of money legally with the mousers. Baxter replies, “Because it’s fun!”

As Baxter laughs like a maniac, April decides that now is a perfect time to vamoose. Not wanting her to tell the police, Baxter trips a trapdoor and sends April plummeting into the sewer. As April attempts to navigate the tunnels, Baxter dispatches a trio of mousers to hunt and slay her. The mousers catch up to April fairly quickly and pin her against a dead end. All hope seems lost until April is suddenly rescued…by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (minus Mikey). The shock causes her to faint.

Back at the lair, the Turtles have placed April on a couch and explain the situation to Splinter. April awakens and freaks out, but Splinter calms her nerves, introducing himself and the Turtles. Just as Splinter finishes describing how they came to be and the Turtles’ battle with the Shredder to an enthralled April, something interesting comes on the TV. A shadowy figure threatens to destroy the World Trade Center tomorrow at 3pm unless he is paid twenty million dollars in ransom. To prove his power, he says that he will destroy the Retxab Building at 3pm today. April immediately recognizes the figure as Baxter. 3:03pm arrives and the evacuated Retxab Building still stands…for a few more seconds. Suddenly, the building collapses live on television.

Splinter is not pleased and asks April if she can lead the Turtles back to Baxter’s secret lab. She agrees to help and the Turtles head out. At the lab, as Baxter revels over his evil-doing, the Turtles sneak in silently and catch the mad scientist off-guard at the control panel. The Turtles hold the shocked Baxter hostage as April attempts to shut the mother computer down. Baxter manages to loose himself just long enough to trigger the self-destruct program: the mousers will return to the lab and eat everything until there’s nothing left. Raph knocks Stockman out and the Turtles and April attempt to escape through the elevator. Unfortunately, the self-destruct program has buried the entire underground complex. Don asks April to help him try and cancel Baxter’s self-destruct program while Leo, Mike and Raph set some plastic explosives (procured from Baxter’s stock) to blow the tunnels and delay the mousers.

As the tunnels collapse, April and Don are having no luck shutting down the mother computer. The mousers eventually breach through the rubble. As Leo, Mike and Raph struggle with the mousers, Don realizes that if they shut down all power to the mother computer, then it can no longer radio orders to the mousers. The Turtles fall back to the lab, but the shut down program is taking too long. Then, just as the mousers breach the walls, all the power cuts off and the robots deactivate.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT (Vol. 1) #1. The story continues in TMNT (Vol. 1) #3.

*Notable printings:

**The first printing (October, 1984) contains a Turtle Tracks letter column on the front inside cover as well as a drawing of Leonardo and a drawing of another Ninja Turtle. In the back matter, there is a message from Laird, an ad for Raphael #1, a drawing of Raphael, and an ad for iron-ons. The back inside cover features a pin-up of all four Ninja Turtles by Laird and Brad Foster.

**The second printing of this comic (January, 1985) is identical to the first printing with the exception of the inside front cover. The drawing of Leonardo now has a speech bubble proclaiming the second printing, and the drawing of the other Ninja Turtle is replaced with an ad for Dark Horse pewter miniatures.

**The third printing of this comic (June, 1986) contained a new, painted cover by Richard Corben. The inside front cover features a new Turtles Tracks foreword by Eastman along with ads for B-Movies Presents (another indie comic). The backmatter includes an ad for TMNT #8, an ad for Dark Horse pewter miniatures, an ad for iron-ons, a Mirage News schedule, an ad for Gizmo #3,  a pin-up page by Mark A. Paniccia, and a five-page bonus story, “The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”, by Fred Hembeck. The back inside cover features a new pin-up by Mark A. Paniccia in which the Turtles meet characters from their indie book B-Movies Presents.

*A “Cerebus” comic can be seen on page 2. The Turtles will meet that aardvark in TMNT (Vol. 1) #8.

*The mousers will return to threaten to the TMNT in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 2) #61.

*Baxter Stockman will return in TMNT (Vol. 2) #2.


Review:

TMNT #2 isn’t one of the best stories that Eastman and Laird ever wrote, but it’s one of the most adapted. I mean, really, any Turtles media to feature April has had to do this story, to varying degrees of faithfulness. But while the “working for Baxter” thing doesn’t always make the transition, you’d be surprised how many of the essentials do: April running for her life from something, the Turtles saving her, her fainting, freaking out when she wakes up…you know the drill. If you’ve seen any version of the TMNT prior to reading this issue then, well, it can make it sort of boring since you’re probably already intimately familiar with at least half of the plot.

Baxter Stockman has very rarely been a good villain. He takes “mad scientist” to a whole new depth of shallowness (what I just typed didn’t even make sense), being incredibly, incredibly boring. One could argue that he’s Eastman and Laird’s commentary on “mainstream” comic book super villains, as Lord knows they never missed an opportunity to rag on DC or Marvel in their editorials and letter columns in these old books, but if that was the case, then, well, they didn’t do a very good job. The entire plot is very “Saturday morning cartoon” and Baxter’s just dull. His eventual return in TMNT Volume 2 will work to make him more interesting, but here he’s just completely forgettable.

What TMNT #2 does that TMNT #1 didn’t really get a chance to accomplish is introduce some individual personality traits to the Turtles. Raph’s psycho-ness is starting to become apparent, as is Don’s proficiency with electronics. Mike still hasn’t become a yukster yet, but give him time. And Leo still has no personality, but let’s be fair: Leo has never had any personality.

Eastman and Laird’s art seems rougher than it did in the first issue, but I think that has to do with one of their worst setbacks in these early comics: an inability to draw expressive human beings. Their Turtles and mousers look great, the gritty sewers look great, the action looks great…but both April and Baxter seem cursed with incredibly boring countenances. April’s “freak out” is especially lackluster; a “dull surprise”, as it were.

All in all, it sounds like I’m coming down pretty hard on this issue and I don’t mean to come across that way. The story is iconic and has been adapted into practically every incarnation of the brand, it’s just very…uninspired. Eastman and Laird, at least back in the 80s, prided themselves on their indie status and the fact that they were willing to offer something completely different from the corporate bigwigs at Marvel and DC, often poking fun at the “stale” nature of mainstream comic book storytelling. But TMNT #2 hits all the points of every mainstream comic book cliché I can think of, right down to the damn self-destruct switch. If the entire thing was meant as satire, then I hate to break it to them, but I ain’t laughin’.

Grunts #1

Publication date: November, 1987

Story, script, pencils: Peter Laird
Inks: Ryan Brown
Letters: Steve Lavigne
Cover: Michael Dooney

“The Lesson: A Tale of the Triceraton Marines”

Summary:

At the Triceraton Marine barracks on Zogneb, in the Arzak System, Zad is bragging to the other new Marine recruits about the superiority of Triceratons over any and all mammals. Laughing, the other green Triceratons are inclined to agree with him, at least until Sergeant Zule walks in and plants his massive hunting knife in the middle of a table. Reprimanding Zad and the other Triceratons for their cocky attitudes, he tells them never to underestimate an enemy, even mammals. Picking up his knife, he then decides to tell them the story of how he lost his left horn and why he never got reconstructive surgery for it.

Some years ago, Zule was part of a Triceraton Marine force deployed to a planet where the Triceratons and the Ursids (giant bears, essentially) were disputing ownership. Scouting through the woods, Zule spotted an entire Ursid platoon. Racing to report their location to his unit, Zule was met by an Ursid scout. They stared at one another for a while, and then threw down their weapons, as gunfire would alert both sides to their location and ruin any strategic ambush for both parties. The Ursid and Zule both drew their knives and went at it.

The pair rumbled for quite a while; the Ursid eventually getting the upper hand, disarming Zule and planting him into the ground. The Ursid then drew his knife and rushed Zule at full speed. Zule only had time to lower his horns and aim them at the approaching Ursid. The Ursid then impaled himself on Zule’s left horn and broke it off in his chest.

The battle won, Zule staggered to his feet to reconvene with his unit. He found that while he had been fighting the Ursid, his unit had already met with the Ursid platoon and both sides had completely wiped each other out. Had the Ursid scout not challenged him, he would have died in that battle, as well. Zule eventually returned to the Ursid scout’s corpse, retrieved his broken horn and had it fashioned into the handle of a hunting knife.

Story time over, Zule explains that he keeps the knife and the stub as a grim reminder never to underestimate one’s enemies.


Turtle Tips:

*Grunts #1 also contained the following non-Turtles related stories:
**Fak –II (Eastman, Talbot, Lavigne)
**The Lucky One (Lawson)
**The Last Time I Saw Tommy (Quagmire, Garcia)
**The Horror (Bella)
**Jonesy (Fitts)
**The Bells (Lavigne)
**Turtle Troop (Bode')
**Monuments (a Gizmo/Fluffy story by Michael Dooney)
**Mekong Delta Blues (Groat)
**Slaughter Dogs (Talbot)
**Iron Angle (Groat, Morrissey)

*According to solicitations in TMNT (Vol. 1) #8, this was supposed to be a bimonthly series. Didn't work out, I guess.


Review:

Now this was a cool little short strip if there ever was one. In the TMNT universe, the Triceratons are always portrayed as this generic “evil alien race” and really, don’t we have enough of those in the world of science fiction? As with the rare TMNT story that chooses to focus on the Foot Clan’s side of the coin, its genuinely refreshing and enlightening to see a story focus on what the Triceratons are like when they aren’t antagonizing the “good guys”.

Although still portrayed as ruthless war machines, “The Lesson” shows us that they’re not brainless or emotionless “monsters”, either. Zule illustrates that even the most hardened Triceraton Marine is capable of displays of honor and respect toward one’s enemy. It’s always nice when two-dimensional villains are given an extra smidgen of depth, and in regards to the typically bland Triceratons, every little bit helps.

Visually, I think this is one of Laird’s masterpieces. No one can draw a Triceraton better than him, that’s for sure. The action and drama is staged especially well, from the Marine recruits just lounging around the barracks to the battle between Zule and the Ursid scout on the jungle planet. Most of the battle is silent, but the blows are choreographed really nicely, with Ryan Brown’s inking making things look extra brutal and nasty.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing Sergeant Zule pop up in a future TMNT comic, given that he’s one of the elite few Triceratons to actually have a shred of character depth.

As for the whole of Grunts #1, well, like any anthology title, it’s got its ups and downs. As much as I like “The Lesson”, my absolute favorite story in the collection is “Monuments” by Michael Dooney. A silent story starring Fluffy Brockelton from “Gizmo”, it’s really very moving and the best of all the Gizmo shorts Dooney has produced. In addition to that, well, Eric Talbot’s “Slaughter Dogs” is just as kickass-looking as anything else Talbot has ever drawn. The rest? Meh. But the three I just listed are worth tracking this book down all on their own.

 

Crazy Man

Originally published in: Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1
Publication date: December, 1986

Story and pencils: Kevin Eastman
Inks: Ryan Brown
Tones: Jim Lawson
Letters: Steve Lavigne

“Crazy Man”

Summary:

On a street in New York, a car has just exploded. From the rooftops, the Turtles observe a pair of detectives deduce that it was done by a nut with a homemade explosive. As the Turtles ponder how someone could be crazy enough to blow up cars for the heck of it, Mike sees a shady-looking individual slink down an alley. He’s about to go after him when a police chopper spots the Turtles. They head for the shadows, losing their suspect in the process.

The Turtles decide to split up and see if they can’t track him back down. Mike strikes pay dirt at the south end when he spots the crazy man putting a bomb inside another car’s gas tank. The car explodes and the guy runs off, leaving Mike to give chase. The other Turtles see the explosion and head in that direction.

Mike follows the crazy man into the subway, startling a pair of vagrants as he runs past them. The other Turtles see Mikey go in from a distance and follow, giving the vagrants an even bigger scare. From the shadows, Mikey watches the crazy guy and realizes that the cars were simply test runs; he plans to blow up a whole train car full of people. The other Turtles arrive in time to apprehend the crazy guy before he can set the timer on his bomb. Mike, though, is so enraged that he begins violently threatening the horrified man.

The next day, at a newsstand, a customer buys a copy of the New York Post. The cover reads “Vagrants capture mad bomber, say ‘Aided by aliens’”, accompanied by a picture of the two subway vagrants standing triumphantly over the tied-up crazy man. The customer reconsiders and asks for a copy of the New York Times, instead.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was reprinted in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback.

*CHET ALERT: Page six, graffiti on the wall reads “Where’s Chet?” The name “Chet” was a recurring gag by the Mirage crew in many of their old comics as…they just liked that name.

*The credits at the end of the strip do not list Jim Lawson for his work, though he’s listed in the index in the back of Gobbledygook. On the flipside, the credits in the strip list Steve Lavigne, though he is not listed in the index in the back of Gobbledygook.


Review:

This has to be one of my favorite short back-up strips. It’s just a fun, action-packed TMNT adventure that paces everything out over its eight pages just right. “Crazy Man” doesn’t have any relevance to the main TMNT series, like “Complete Carnage an’ Radical”, but it isn’t all crazy and all over the place like other short back-up strips, such as “Technofear!!!” or “You Had To Be There”. It’s just a short, exciting TMNT adventure that's grounded in reality.

Ryan Brown’s inks and Lawson’s tones add some great atmosphere to the piece, such as the smoking wrecks of the cars or the lights from the helicopters and street lamps contrasting with the darkness. One of my favorite “gags” in the story is that the credits for the strips are given on the last page, printed on the newspaper the customer is reading.

Not much else to say. It’s just a gritty little 8-pager, though it earns some points for not being ridiculous or wacky. Just the Turtles hunting down a mad bomber in classic Eastman style, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Grade: B+ (as in, “By the way, there’s some graffiti on page 6 that reads ‘Bode’’, a reference to indie comics artist Vaughn Bode’”.)

Technofear!!!

Originally published in: Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1Publication date: December, 1986

Story and art: Peter Laird
Letters: Steve Lavigne

“Technofear!!!”

Summary:

In his room in April’s apartment, Don has just completed his new computer set-up: three whole megabytes of RAM, two floppy disk drives, a hard disk drive, a ROM board, a mouse and a sweet new monitor! Can you believe it? THREE megabytes of RAM! Holy shit!

Anyway, Mike waltzes in and asks where he got the bizarre-looking monitor. Don says he found it in a dumpster behind “Bytes ‘R’ Us”. He thinks it may be a prototype that didn’t work out, but isn’t concerned: it’s his now.

Don hits the power and suddenly a beam of energy bursts out of the monitor, “digitizes” Mike and sucks him into the computer. Inside, Mike is approached by Deuximax—The God in the Machine. Once his modems are connected, Deuximax intends to take over the world by dominating that weird new thing called the “internet” that absolutely no one has ever heard of. For beginners, though, he’s gonna trash Mike.


Mike makes a break for it, with Don observing everything on the monitor. He screams for Mike to follow the sound of his voice, and eventually Mike finds the portal out. He returns to the physical world with Deuximax hot on his heels. Before Deuximax can exit the monitor, though, Don pulls the plug. Don then takes the monitor and hurls it out the window, where it lands in a dumpster.

Later, a pair of bespectacled dorks happen upon the monitor. Fishing it out of the dumpster, they can’t wait to take it home and hook it up. Unbeknownst to them, the monitor is giggling.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was later reprinted in the “Shell Shock” trade paperback.

*According to the index in Gobbledygook, the “digitized” computer effects were accomplished using an Atari 520ST, Tom Hudson’s “Degas” and “Cad-3D” programs. If you understood even one word of that, then you are really, really old.


Review:

I love reading or watching media from the 80s where characters yammer on about their sweet new computer systems. It’s just amusing. Chances are, my five year-old bottom-of-the-line cell-phone has a more sophisticated image display than Deuximax’s awesome futurisitic monitor from beyond the stars.

Like a lot of these back-up strips, weird things befall the TMNT with nary an explanation behind them. Sometimes, these bizarre occurrences would be expanded upon in a full issue of the main series (“Complete Carnage an’ Radical”), but mostly, they aren’t. “Technofear!!!” is one of those grand “WTF” stories, but you know, I kind of like em. Considering all the aliens and interdimensional monsters the TMNT fight on a weekly basis, it wouldn’t take much of an imagination to picture where Deuximax’s psycho-monitor came from.

The real attraction to this story, at least way back in 1986, was probably the “digitized” artwork effects used to depict the inside of the monitor. These days, you probably can’t buy a comic off the rack that hasn’t had its art or lettering or cropping accentuated with a computer in some way. Back in the 80s, though? Shit was done the ole fashioned way, you hooligans. So seeing “computerized” artwork was a bit of a novelty. Considering the user interface of 1986 era computers, I can’t imagine what Laird put himself through with that Atari and that Degas and that Cad and that...shit, I dunno. I was one year old when this thing was published. My first computer was an Apple/Mac II.

Regardless, the effect may not turn heads now, but back when “What the fuck is an internet?” was the common response to “Do you use the internet?”, it was something fairly exciting. Think of it like the computer effects in “Tron”. Yeah, they suck, but dude, the historical value!

Grade: B- (as in, “But come to think of it, this whole thing was just a ‘Tron’ parody, anyway”.)

Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1

Publication date: December, 1986

Cover: Kevin Eastman (pencils and inks) and Peter Laird (colors)


Contents:

Gobbledygook contains the following TMNT stories:

*Technofear!!!
*You Had To Be There
*Crazy Man

Gobbledygook contains the following non-TMNT stories:

*Don’t Sleep on Main Street
*Only a Loser
*Enchanted Pilgrim
*The Crossing
*Splat and Beggar
*The Louder the Better
*Cosmic Crows
*Cola Wars
*Pursuit
*Shopping Spree (a Gizmo tale)

As well as several galleries of illustrations and several one-page comic strips.


Turtle Tips:

*The concept art pinup of the Triceraton was originally published in Gobbledygook (Vol. 1) #1.

*"Don't Sleep on Main Street" and "Only a Loser" were originally published in Gobbledygook (Vol. 1) #2.


Background:

The original two-issue Gobbledygook (Vol. 1) series was Eastman and Laird’s first published collaboration and was printed essentially on Xerox paper and limited to print runs of 150 each, making them very easily counterfeited. The original Gobbledygook series contained no TMNT content to speak of, outside of a single advertisement for TMNT (Vol. 1) #1 printed on the back cover (which many comic book price guides to this day continue to misinterpret as the TMNT’s first appearance) and the first twenty pages of Fugitoid (microseries) #1 segmented into four chapters.

This Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1 one-shot is a celebration of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s career, collecting stories from the first two-issue Gobbledygook (Vol. 1) miniseries, original material, rare illustrations of both the published and unpublished variety and some guest material.

You Had To Be There

Originally published in: TMNT (Vol. 1) #7
Publication date: March, 1986

Script, pencils and lettering: Kevin Eastman
Inks and colors: Richard Corben

“You Had To Be There”

Summary:

Having spent the night drinking with someone named “Mega-Pound-something”, Mike is stumbling his way home through the sewers when suddenly a spaceship crashes through the ceiling. A strange glow erupts from where it landed, creating a weird “hole” in reality. Mike steps through the hole and emerges in a lush and ancient looking “fantasy world”.

No sooner does he arrive, however, he is approached by the scantily-clad Queen Tara and her horde of Viking-helmeted warriors. She mistakes Mike for the green slime creature who piloted the crashed spaceship and “violated” her. She orders her soldiers to seize Mike. Mike puts up a fight but is too inebriated to help himself and gets knocked out fairly quickly.

Mike awakens on a stone alter dressed in sacrificial garb. Queen Tara is about to sacrifice him to her god, Nexus, but before she can plunge the dagger through Mike’s heart, the Turtle rolls away. As Mike attempts to flee, he’s surrounded by more warriors. Suddenly, another spaceship appears above him and fires on the warriors, clearing the path. Mike doesn’t know why the ship helped him, but isn’t about to complain.

Mike rushes back to the portal he came in through and returns to the sewers, though he fears Queen Tara and the warriors are still pursuing him. As he hides in a tunnel, he spots two shadows moving around the corner. Mike pounces, only to discover that they’re Don and Leo. His brothers are pissed, nagging him for disappearing all night and then coming home stinking of booze and acting all crazy. Mike tries to explain his crazy adventure to them, but then just decides “You had to be there” and leaves it at that.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was later reprinted in black and white in Gobbledygook (Vol. 2) #1 and the “Shell Shock” trade paperback. It was eventually reprinted in its original colors in the "TMNT 25th: A Quarter Century Celebration" trade paperback and in the Capital City Comic Con version of TMNT 30th Anniversary Special.

*The Gobbledygook printing appears to be a straight up xerox-job of the color version, with most of the pencil work lost in large blobs of solid black, making it almost impossible to follow. The "Shell Shock" printing rectifies this, with a completely redone grey-scaling so its actually comprehensible.

*"Mega-Pound-something" might be a reference to indy comics character "Megaton Man", created by Don Simpson, an artist the Mirage crew were known to colaborate with. What he has to do with this story, an Eastman-Corben Joint, is anybody's guess.


Review:

It’s hard to classify a lot of these TMNT back-up strips. Some are grounded in reality, some are surreal and contradictory and some fall right in the middle there. Stories like “New Comic Day!”, “Raphael: Snapper” and “You Had To Be There”. They’re weird… but not too weird.

I mean, c’mon, this sorta shit happens to the Turtles all the time. They can’t go a day without being sucked into another dimension, rocketed through space, hurtled backward in time or just plain whatever. So with that in mind, the idea of Mike randomly getting sent to another dimension by a mysterious spaceship for four pages isn’t too out there. Half the Turtles’ adventures rely on them being in “the right place at the right time” to “coincidentally stumble upon” warring alien princesses, atom bomb-wielding terrorists or bubbly Timestresses playing hooky.

This one was just really short.

Eastman’s art is his usual style, albeit I noticed that he didn’t do any over-the-top expressions in the bandanas like he usually does. Maybe it was just because he only had four pages to work with, I dunno. Queen Tara’s definitely channeling a “Heavy Metal” vibe with that swimsuit armor and talk of being violated by a slime monster. Corben’s colors are very nice and I’m sure that way back in 1986, it was an absolute treat to have a TMNT comic in color. The entire presentation is nicer than most bonus strips, as the story is printed on some glossy, thick sheets of paper and inserted into the middle of the comic. A nice gesture.

The "Gobbledygook" printing is another matter altogether. They seemed to have just straight-up Xeroxed the the color version and its so dark and muddy you can't make a thing out of it. The "Shell Shock" printing, though still in black and white, thankfully offered an appropriate grey-scaling.

Here are the different versions of the first page for comparison (TMNT #7, Gobbledygook, Shell Shock):

Anyway, “You Had To Be There” is just a random four-page little chunk of nothing, really. Too short to be very exciting and it boasts kind of an odd portrayal of Michelangelo, too (usually Raph’s the one to go off by himself, drink all night and have some crazy adventure). It’s not one of the most memorable back-up strips, aside from the fact that it was printed in color.

Grade: C (as in, “Christ, the Gobbledygook printing of this story looks like it was inked by Joe Ng.”)