Tuesday, June 30, 2015

TMNT (1987) Season 6, Part 3: Review


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) Season 6, Part 3: Review at AIPT.

And so, I finally finish season 6 of the Fred Wolf-produced TMNT cartoon.  What an overall lackluster, cruddy season.  It doesn't even end on a proper finale.  It just ends.

In this batch of episodes, we say goodbye to Pinky McFingers and also Agatha Marbles, who goes out with a random lightsaber duel for some reason.  We also a get an appearance from a villain who by all rights should have been Scale Tail but wasn't for some reason.

Next up is the European Vacation episodes of season 7.  I've never actually seen these, so I'm sort of looking forward to them, but I'm also sort of NOT looking forward to them, considering their reputation.

Awesome Turtle Picture #36



I'm not sure where this photo came from.


I'm just glad it exists.

Andre the Giant posing with four guys in some positively awful/awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costumes.

Nothing today stands a chance of topping this.



Saturday, June 27, 2015

Acting Out!


Originally published in TMNT New Animated Adventures #24
Publication date: June 24, 2015

Story: Matthew K. Manning
Art: Marcelo Ferreira
Ink assist: Athila Fabbio
Colors: Heather Breckel
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

“Acting Out!”

Summary:

At Purple Dragon HQ, three of the Dragons are sick to death of eating homemade spaghetti.  They decide to head over to Restaurant Row and steal some cash and some food.

On the rooftops, it’s Mikey’s turn to pick their training exercise and he wants to roleplay as Super Robo Mecah Force Five.  Mikey is Captain Dash Coolstar, Donnie is Dr. Blip, Leo is Squeakums the Space Chimp and Raph is the villain, Cyberoid X.  Although Raph thinks the whole thing is lame, he follows Leo’s advice to humor Mikey and play.

Down below, the Dragons are about to knock over an Italian joint when suddenly they see the silhouettes of the Turtles on the roof for a split second.  Scared, they decide to try their luck someplace else.


On the roof, the Turtles don’t even know about the Dragons.  Raph is phoning in his performance while Mikey gets so into it that he throws a satellite dish off the roof, pretending it’s a discus.

Meanwhile, the Dragons are about to rob a French restaurant when the dish plows into them.  They see the silhouettes of the Turtles and decide to look elsewhere.


They settle on a trendy bakery and go around back.  That’s when Raph finally gets into his part as the villain and gives a tour de force monologue about destroying his enemies.  The Dragons are so scared, they run back to their hideouts.

The Turtles are impressed with Raph’s thespian skills, all having been unaware of the Dragons.  As for the Dragons, they decide to eat their slop and like it.


Turtle Tips:

*This is the last story in TMNT New Animated Adventures.  But the continuity will continue in TMNT Amazing Adventures #1.


Review:

With this being the last story published in New Animated Adventures, I want to talk about the comic as a whole.  But first, I’ll give my feelings on this story.

The plot is only okay; it sort of feels like something we’ve seen before.  The Turtles are training/playing and along the way they thwart a crime without even realizing it.  I know we’ve seen that setup somewhere else.  It’s not a bad comedy relief plot and I enjoyed a lot of the dialogue between the three Purple Dragons, who have a lot of personality for such a short story.

The visual execution from Ferreira is more impressive.  As the Turtles play, they’re constantly followed by the floating heads of the Robo Mecha Force Five characters they’re pretending to be, giving us a picture-in-picture view of their imaginations.  It was a neat effect.  There’s also a gag where Mikey opens his mouth, but delivers a blank speech bubble, intimating the bad dubbing of the anime show they’re recreating.

It was an alright back up with some very nice art and a few gags that stand out.

As for New Animated Adventures, well, this book has been in trouble for quite a while.  I’m surprised it managed to last a full two years, admittedly.

For a while now, issues have been moving only 5-6,000 units (according to Diamond) and that’s really bad.  It’s been a low seller, which doesn’t necessarily reflect the quality of the title in any way, but it most certainly hasn’t been attracting a wide readership.

New Animated Adventures changed a lot over the course of its run.  It started out as full length stories, then moved on to anthology status with 2-3 isolated tales per issue, then finally settled on a serialized two-parter with an episodic back-up.  You can see how the title was trying pretty hard to find a system that worked.  For what it’s worth, I think the format they ultimately settled on was their best bet, though they should have taken the serialized segment further than just two-parters (which often simply felt like a single issue story that got bisected).

The book hadn't been bad for what it was, but there was just no… hook.  Nothing to force readers to come back for more.  The episodic tales felt inconsequential and you could miss a dozen installments and feel at a loss for nothing.  If the A story had been an ongoing continuity (and the B story an episodic back-up), then that might have made for the hook to keep people reading from month to month.

But I suppose the big hurdle had been the fact that New Animated Adventures had to stick to the continuity of the TV series without ever disrupting it or contradicting it.  That meant that by its very nature, New Animated Adventures could never tell stories that mattered.  There could never be any impact.  No decisive battles with any enemies, no character development, no ongoing storylines with resolutions, no nothing.  The Turtles couldn’t even fight the Shredder because that might contradict one of the Shredder fights in the show, which the cartoon uses sparingly for punctuation in the season narratives.

So there was just no draw.  There were many good stories in New Animated Adventures, but they always, ALWAYS had to put things back the way they were before they started.  Because otherwise they’d contradict the show.

The good news is that Amazing Adventures, at least according to editor Bobby Curnow, has been given license to deviate from the continuity of the cartoon.  How much they’ll deviate, like if they’ll go full Archie, only time will tell.

I hope Amazing Adventures finds the sort of footing New Animated Adventures never did.  I enjoy the Nickelodeon incarnation of the TMNT and want to see more of them, but I was getting pretty bored with these episodic tales that had to constantly pick up after themselves.  Here’s hoping the new volume does something fresh or at least gives us a fight with the fucking Shredder.  I mean jeez.

Grade: C+ (as in, “Can’t say I really liked the Mecha Force Five show-in-show gag.  It was no Space Heroes”.)


Favorite Haunt, Part 2


Originally published in TMNT New Animated Adventures #24
Publication date: June 24, 2015

Story: Matthew K. Manning
Art: Chad Thomas
Ink assist: Athila Fabbio
Colors: Heather Breckel
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

“Favorite Haunt, Part 2”

Summary:

Just outside the lair, the Ghost Tracker Rebecca and her crew think they’re about to uncover a portal to the afterlife (not a portal to the Ninja Turtles).  Inside the lair, Leo comes up with a plan to lure them away from lair’s entrance.  Together, the Turtles gather up the ghost samurai costumes they’d just used to scare Mikey.


Wearing the costumes, the Turtles first lead the Ghost Trackers away from the lair, getting them lost in the maze of sewer pipes.  Once that’s done, Mikey begins chasing them back up to the surface, getting rid of them once and for all.

Leo, Raph and Donnie ditch their disguises, figuring their problems are solved.  Of course, that’s just when the three Squirrelanoids drops down from the pipes above and attack.  The Turtles have their hands full keeping the monsters at bay and all hope seems lost when they’re backed into a corner…


But then Mikey shows up!  His flashlight casts the shadow of his ghostly costume against a wall and the sheets make him look like the silhouette of a large, predatory bird.  The Squirrelanoids scamper into a drainage valve in fear and the Turtles lock them inside.

Raph hopes that after seeing what a bunch of wusses the Ghost Trackers are, Mikey will finally be over his ghost hunting reality shows.  Mikey is about to agree, when suddenly he feels a “cold spot” and runs away screaming in terror.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from “Favorite Haunt, Part 1”.

*There are only 3 Squirrelanoids in this issue, but the cover shows 4.  Shenanigans!


Review:

“Favorite Haunt” suffers from some poor pacing.  There are essentially three acts to this story (the Turtles scaring Mikey, Mikey scaring the Ghost Trackers, everyone fighting the Squirrelanoids), but the first act winds up getting the lion’s share and the last two acts are hurried to fit in what pages are left. 

I think what disappointed me most was that the Squirrelanoids wound up being shortchanged.  They fight the Turtles for two and a half pages total during this storyline, playing second fiddle to the dilemma with the Ghost Trackers.  While the suspense of the TV crew trying to uncover the lair wasn’t a bad idea by any means, it shouldn’t have taken so much priority over the actual monsters in this supposedly spooky story.

Some plot points are left unresolved, too.  After they get lost, the Ghost Trackers bring up that they can just use their EMF readers to find the entrance to the lair again.  Mikey scares them out of the sewers, but there’s nothing to keep them from coming back other than fear, I guess.  If Manning was going to bring up a plot point like that, then he should have come up with something to resolve it, even something as BS as Donnie building “an EMF jamming device” or whatever.

The story started off with promise, but feels like a victim of either poor pacing or lack of space to give the last two acts their share.  This probably would’ve made a good episode of the show, and I like the spirit of the three act build-up Manning was going for, but there needed to be better story distribution.

Grade: C- (as in, “Can the Squirrelanoids hibernate?  I mean, the Turtles are always locking them up in sewer pipes and septic tanks.  Are they feeding them in there or just leaving them to die?”)


Friday, June 26, 2015

TMNT New Animated Adventures #24


Publication date: June 24, 2015


Contents:

*"Favorite Haunt, Part 2"
*"Acting Out!"


Turtle Tips:

*This issue is continued from TMNT New Animated Adventures #23.  The series continues in TMNT Amazing Adventures #1.

*This issue was originally published with 2 variant covers: Regular Cover by Brizuela, and Subscription Cover by Patrick Parnell.


Sunday, June 21, 2015

TMNT Magazine (Panini) #25


Publication date: March 5 – April 1, 2015

Script: Sholly Fisch
Art: Iain Buchanan
Colours: Jason Cardy
Colour assist: J. Stayte, E. Pirrie, K. & C. Carter
Letters: Alex Foot

“Stroke of… Genius?”

Summary:

At Foot HQ, Baxter Stockman shows the Shredder his latest inventions: Killer robots based on the natural predators of the turtle.  Shredder is not impressed by the Cyber-Raccoon (of Doom), the Mecha-Squid (of Doom) or the Baxterbot (of Doom) and destroys them all.

Baxter has one last invention, the Robo-Samurai (of Doom) and the Shredder, sick of this shit, sends his Footbots to destroy it.  But the Robo-Samurai is programmed with the skill of hundreds of martial arts masters and easily destroys the Footbots.  Intrigued, Shredder allows Baxter to sic the Robo-Samurai on the Turtles.


The Turtles, meanwhile, are out on a training run.  The Robo-Samurai attacks them in an alley and with minimal effort, defeats them all.  The Turtles, try as they might, cannot compete with the skills of hundreds of martial arts masters.

Baxter begins transmitting through a monitor in the robot’s face and starts to gloat.  The Turtles taunt him, tricking him into switching from automatic to manual so he can crush them himself.  This is a bad move, as he has no idea how to fight.  Don deduces that the Robo-Samurai’s weak points are its joints and the Turtles take it apart.


Back at Foot HQ, Shredder has watched the whole thing and wants to “reward” Baxter Stockman’s “genius”.  Baxter insists he has an even greater invention in the works: The Robo-Badger.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT Magazine (Panini) #24.  The story continues in TMNT Magazine (Panini) #26.

*Shredder already tried to destroy the Turtles with a robot samurai (Chrome Dome) in the season 2 episode, “Target: April O’Neil”.  Chrome Dome appeared a few episodes later in “Vengeance is Mine”.  I guess Baxter missed those episodes.


Review:

I think the drawback of this adventure is that it’s a lot of “been there, done that”.  The Turtles fight robot ninja all the time and fought Chrome Dome (a robot samurai) once before, already.  So another robot samurai doesn’t seem particularly exciting or threatening.  There’s a throwaway line in there from Raph about how often they fight robot martial artists, but it seems more like Fisch is trying to cover tracks.

The bright side is that this is the most substantial appearance from the Shredder in ANY of the comics (US or UK) based on the Nick cartoon.  Some stupid, self-imposed rule keeps the Shredder on the sidelines because the writers don’t want to interfere with the show’s continuity, so he’s hardly appeared thus far in either book.

Fisch finds an interesting way to give the Shredder screen time without having to pit him directly against the Turtles.  He’s still micro-managing, but at least he gets some dialogue and screen time.  I don’t really like Shredder as an armchair antagonist, but those are the cards these Nick-based comics have been dealt, I suppose.

The resolution is pretty stupid and sloppy, though.  This was a double-length story, but still felt terribly rushed.


Saturday, June 20, 2015

TMNT: Casey & April #1


Publication date: June 17, 2015

Story: Mariko Tamaki
Art: Irene Koh
Colors: Paul Reinwand
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

Summary:

Exiting the Holland Tunnel in their VW van, Casey and April hit the open road and, eventually, reach the Southwest.  Stepping out to get their bearings, April takes a look at the scroll Dr. Miller stole from the Foot Clan (and died for).  She finds a drawing of a Joshua tree in a desert, which indicates to her that they need to go to the Mohave Desert to find information on the Pantheon (a family of warring deities).  Casey plucks up a heart-shaped rock and is about to give it to April when he accidentally says something scientifically stupid, eliciting an awkward correction from her.  He pockets the rock in embarrassment.


Moving on, they discuss their best memories of seeing the night sky (April recalls her trips to the Grand Canyon, Casey recalls trying to see stars through the light pollution in New York).  They inevitably conclude that if they’d known each other as kids, they probably wouldn’t have been friends.

Stopping at a diner, a couple of cowboys begin giving Casey a hard time over his name (sounding like the ballad about the train conductor).  This ends in a fight between Casey and the bullies and April has to force him to back off and escape in the van.  


The pair argue and fight for a while, first over how Casey put their mission in jeopardy by nearly getting a visit from the cops, but also over the fact that he’s still thinking in terms of “I” and not “we”.  To take her mind off of how mad she is at Casey, April compares the scroll with a modern map and thinks the place they’re looking for might be an old armory now.

After stopping for gas, Casey absentmindedly (and angrily) backs into an old bumpkin’s truck.  The old timer isn’t mad, but he’s worried that his sister Red might get upset if he doesn’t show up to see her.  April offers to drive by in the van and let Red know what happened while the geezer's truck is being repaired.  Casey wants to check out the armory, though, so the old timer offers to let him borrow his old motorcycle.  April and Casey split up, and Casey chucks the heart-rock away in anger.


Once they’d left, the old timer picks up the rock and remarks about the curiosity of young love.  As a plague of rats swarm him, he slowly transforms into the Rat King.  The gruesome Pantheon member figures that it’s time to play a game with his two new friends…


Turtle Tips:

*This mini-series takes place after the events of TMNT (IDW) #47.  The story continues in TMNT: Casey & April #2.

*Dr. Miller’s death is mentioned on the radio.  He died in TMNT (IDW) #46.

*This issue was originally published with 4 variant covers: Regular Cover by Irene Koh, Subscription Cover by Faith Erin Hicks and Paulina Ganucheau, Convention Exclusive by Joe Eisma, and Hastings Exclusive by Brent Peeples.


Review:

Hmmm.  I… Well, I just don’t think this kind of comic was meant for me.  It’s a slow-burn romance story filled with long rambling conversations between the two main characters as they sit and talk.  For 20 pages.  Talk about stars, talk about each other, talk about life, talk about talking… I mean, it’s a young reader’s romance story.  There are people out there who love comics like this; people who would rather read Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane over a “normal” Spider-Man comic.  Those kinds of people.

I’m just… not one of those kinds of people.  20 pages of characters sitting in a car or at a diner or pumping gas and rambling, the thrill being the “romantic tension” between them, it just doesn’t appeal to me.  Nothing wrong with anybody who likes that sort of thing, but man.  Wotta snooze-fest.

I’m trying to be open-minded and fair about this.  And I don’t blame IDW for casting a wider net by dabbling in a different genre to try and attract a fresh demographic.  The last miniseries we got was Mutanimals and it was a tidal wave of TMNT fanwank.  I loved it, but I understand that it might have had limited appeal to the uninitiated or the casual TMNT reader.  And looking at the Diamond sales numbers, the thing positively bombed, selling around only 8,000 units toward the end of the run.

So clearly, appealing strictly to hardcore TMNT fans may make for comics that excite a hardcore TMNT fan like myself, but they don’t do much for IDW’s bank account.  With that context in place, I can fully understand and appreciate why they’d go for a book like Casey & April that’s so tonally different from what they’ve been doing, aiming for readers who like teen romance stories.

All that being said: Ehhhhhhh.  I just couldn’t get into this comic.  I appreciate that April and Casey are finally getting a spotlight after being relegated to deadweight status in the TMNT ongoing for what feels like a year or more.  Their shelving in the main title to make way for 30 new characters has been pretty disrespectful, especially for what had originally been main characters.  So I’m glad to see them getting major screen time once again.  I just wish it could have been in a more exciting comic.

It isn’t just the long conversations that got me nodding off, it’s that what passes for action is horribly clichéd and predictable.  So they go to a diner and are immediately, IMMEDIATELY beset upon by cowboy hicks for no good reason whatsoever.  Remember when this happened in "Starman"?  Or "Superman II"?  Or seemingly any movie ever where the main characters decide to make an innocent stop at a diner where cowboy truckers are also present?

Well, well, well.  If’n it ain’t two-a them city folks comin’ ‘round here with their Em Pee Three players ‘n their ten dollar coffees.  Ya’ll best go on back the way you come!”

It’s just so tired and worn out.  It elicits the “couple’s first fight” scenario that manufactures a romantic drama between them, but the whole thing is a dull contrivance at best.  The remaining “action” in the issue involves Casey swerving out of the way of a cyclist and a slight fender bender with the old man.  Edge-of-your-seat stuff, isn’t it?

The good news is the Rat King, my favorite TMNT villain, looks to be a major antagonist in this miniseries.  I’m hoping he adds a little more energy to this story, because it sure could use some.

The art dabbles in this faux-manga style that looks alright, I guess.  The faux-manga look and the whole “romantic teen drama” storytelling was what made me immediately think of Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane, by the way.  While I don’t really like it when people who aren’t Japanese try to ape what they think is “manga”, Koh doesn’t overdo it in the worst ways so the exercise is mostly inoffensive.  She draws an absolutely GNARLY Rat King, translating Santolouco’s original design very well.  That final cliffhanger splash page was a wonderful rendition of the character.

Colors by Paul Reinwand are quite nice.  He gives April back her fair skin and freckles, which haven’t been seen since the Secret History of the Foot Clan miniseries, but are a detail I really liked (and really missed).  His most outstanding color work comes in the Rat King pages, of course, particularly in the green hues he gradually bathes the panels in.  It’s not so much a glow, but a subtle, unearthly lighting choice that makes the moment all the creepier.  He also elects to color only one rat among dozens completely white, which makes me think of Socrates from “Willard”.

In conclusion, I will concede once again that these sorts of stories just don’t appeal to me.  Doesn’t mean they’re bad, it just means I don’t like them.  That said, objectively the issue has problems: namely that stupid hackneyed fight at the diner and the almost insultingly on-the-nose symbolism of the heart-shaped rock.  The art is alright and the coloring is great.  I hope it gets a little more exciting in future issues, but I am curious to see more of the Rat King.

Also, looks like IDW has cut back the length of their TMNT miniseries issues from 22-pages to 20-pages, but the $4 price tag remains the same.  Fuck that.


Grade: C (as in, “Cowboy hats are worn exclusively by thuggish jerks who don’t like anyone who follows a different way of life than them.  I thought everybody knew that”.)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

5 Terrible Live-Action TMNT Video Specials


This is the big article I've been suffering my way through writing for the past few weeks.  I had to sit through 4+ hours of brutally awful TMNT videos in order to complete this thing.  I challenge you to make it past 4 minutes.

5 Terrible Live-Action TMNT Video Specials at AIPT.

This was... uuuugggghhhhh.  There's no other word for it.  Just uuuuggghhhh.


Uuuuuugggghhhhh.

The music video specials were bad enough, but the stage shows?  God, no.

So I hope you enjoy reading my article, because I sure as hell didn't enjoy researching it.



Sunday, June 14, 2015

TMNT Movie Prequel #3 - Donatello


Publication date: March, 2007

Story: Bill Moulage
Pencils: Jim Lawson
Inks: Sean Parsons, Jeremy Colwell, Dan Davis, Hilary Barta
Letters: Erik Swanson
Cover: Santiago Bou

“Strangers in the Night”

Summary:

Down in the lair, Donatello has used the money he’s saved as a part time Cowabunga Carl employee to build his latest contraption: The Trans-Species Locator Matrix.  It can identify the brainwaves of all known species in Manhattan, but when those are tuned out, it will only identify unknown species… such as his brothers and the Triceratons (should they ever return).

Splinter is impressed with his son’s invention.  Suddenly, a blip appears that isn’t Mikey (out doing Carl work), Raph (sleeping in the lair) or Leonardo (off on his pilgrimage).  Don and Splinter decide to go investigate.


Their search brings them to the spire of the Empire State Building, where they’re attacked by a giant bat (the Vampire Succubor) spewing a weird alien language.  The bat carries Donatello off, leaving Splinter no recourse but to get help.

Splinter returns to the lair and rousts Mikey (watching a news report about the Nightwatcher).  Unfortunately, Raph is way up in Harlem and unreachable.  Using Donatello’s device, they discern that the bat has taken Donnie to the docks.


When they arrive, they find Donnie and the bat in the rafters of an old warehouse.  Donnie is trying to communicate with the bat, which is speaking its alien language.  Splinter and Mikey jump the gun and attack, scaring the bat away.  Splinter asks if he was able to learn anything from the bat and Donnie suggests that the bat was trying to find its way home.  The bat, meanwhile, passes the Nightwatcher and then circles the skyscraper penthouse of Max Winters, who looks upon it and smiles.


Upon returning to the lair, Donnie checks his device and finds 13 unknown species on the radar.  He tries to amplify the machine, but his adjustments cause it to explode.  Mikey wonders if they’ll ever know why these weird monsters have suddenly begun invading Manhattan.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from TMNT Movie Prequel #2 – Michelangelo.  The story continues in TMNT Movie Prequel #4 – April.

*The Turtles last fought the Triceratons in TMNT Movie Prequel #1 – Raphael.

*The giant bat (identified in the movie production materials as “the Vampire Succubor”) will return in TMNT: Official Movie Adaptation.

*This issue was reprinted in TMNT Comic #6 and TMNT Comic #7 with new colors by Hi Fi Design.


Review:

This was the first fairly palatable issue of the Movie Prequel miniseries, which has been pretty bad so far.  I’m even more surprised that it was decent, considering it was written by the same guy who did Raphael: Bad Moon Rising.  That’s not to say this adventure is great or even good or anything. It’s rather hohum and dry; Donnie tracks a monster, the monster kidnaps Donnie, Splinter and Mikey save him, The End.

But sometimes a dull but coherent story is better than a string of unreadable nonsense.  So it’s the lesser of six evils.

This issue does a bit more work setting up the, quite frankly, random bullshit from the feature film.  I mean, the 13 monsters.  I don’t want to get into a review of the movie yet, but man all that shit with the statue warrior generals and the 13 monsters and the weird dimensional cyclone and what the fuck.  Just way too much for a story that also wanted to be about getting the gang back together, finding individual jobs/identities for the Turtles, mending old family rivalries and setting up a sequel with the Shredder.  That movie had so much content it had to shortchange everybody.

But yeah, we get our first glimpse of the monsters and Max Winters which actually sets up the BIG story for the movie, while most of these other issues focus on the smaller character stuff.  Not that the smaller character stuff shouldn’t be explored, but the shit with Max  and the monsters really needed more lead time and this miniseries could’ve done a better job establishing it (we'll get a little more in later issues, but mostly in the background).  Remember how the movie opened with a prologue about the origin of the Turtles before going immediately off the rails into this expository drivel about a thousand year-old Yaotl curse and conquering armies and monsters and shit?  That was awful.

Now, while the story in this issue is bland but digestible, the art is another matter altogether.  There are FOUR inkers on this issue and holy cow, does it ever show.  None of them can seem to agree on how to ink Lawson’s pencils to the point where sometimes you can’t even tell that Lawson drew the thing.  Some of the inkers attempt shading/toning, while others prefer stark black and white.  Some inkers smooth Lawson’s edges and round his corners, while others try to preserve the angular look of his original work.  And some inkers are just absolutely fucking TERRIBLE:


It is positively absurd how bad this issue looks.  If you’re going to pass it off to four different inkers to save time, then at least establish some sort of cooperative mandate or a style guide or SOMETHING.  Did they do their pages separately at the same time and then just turn them in on the due date, blindly hoping their aesthetic choices would tessellate?

That’s no way to run a railroad.


Grade: C- (as in “Come on, Mirage.  Weren’t these comics intended to make people WANT to see the movie?”)

Saturday, June 13, 2015

I swear to god


I'm going to watch these awful TMNT videos this weekend and be done with this article.

I thought it would be fun to write, but the research has been murder.


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Boris the Bear #1


Originally published by: Dark Horse Comics
Publication date: 1986

Story: Mike Richardson
Script: Randy Stradley and James Dean Smith
Art: James Dean Smith
Letters: John Workman
Edits: Randy Stradley

“Boris the Bear Slaughters the Teenage Radioactive Black Belt Mutant Ninja Critters!”

Summary:

Boris the Bear is in his treehouse when he encounters a problem: All the black and white indie comics being published are about radical anthropomorphic animal youngsters that know martial arts.  He’s sick and tired of it!  Rushing past his friend Dave, Boris gears up with heavy artillery and goes on the hunt for clichéd indie comic book characters who need to be eliminated.


During his journey, he encounters the Juvenile Deviant Hard-Shelled Assassins: Leo, Mikey, Donny and Bob.  Boris punches Mikey so hard his eyeballs pop out, then chops his head off.  After that, he disarms Leo and punches a hole through his head.  Next, he breaks Bob’s wrists and then punches him in the face so hard his head explodes.  And finally, Boris catches Donny trying to sneak away.  He strangles Donny, rips off his shell and then slams him into the ground repeatedly until there’s nothing left of the Turtle but a greasy smear.


After Boris takes out some more anthropomorphic animal characters (both indie and mainstream), he’s sent back to his treehouse by an irate Dave.  With his work done, Boris sits down to read the only good indie comic about anthropomorphic animals ever written: His own.


Turtle Tips:

*For the record, this was a parody and not an official cameo from the TMNT.

*The Hard-Shelled Assassins and others from this issue will return in Boris the Bear #8.

*Also murdered in this issue are Miyamoto Usagi, Cerebus the Aardvark and the Miami Mice; all characters whom the Turtles crossed over with at some point.

*This issue received a second printing the same year.


Review:

I don’t typically cover parodies here at TMNT Entity.  There have been so many goofs on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over the years that I’d be reviewing into my 90s before I’d even be close to finished.

But it just so happens that while I was digging through the quarter bin at my local shop, I stumbled upon this thing and since I bought it, I might as well review it.

While the story is pretty dumb and just an excuse for mindless, over-the-top violence, it actually is a little funny.  Let’s be frank; there WAS an explosion of anthropomorphic animal characters in the indie comics scene of the mid-80s, and many were a reaction to the success of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Boris’ frustration with all these generic characters seems a pretty reasonable reaction when you take the context of the time period into consideration.

However, he does accuse several characters of being mindless rip-offs with no artistic integrity worthy only of being murdered and forgotten… who are now considered to be some of the greatest indie comics characters of all time.  And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the TMNT, either.

I mean, who the hell shits on Usagi Yojimbo?  I have never seen anyone ever rip apart that book as being knock-off garbage.  Granted, ’86 was pretty early into Usagi’s lifespan, but Richardson really jumped the gun on this one (so to speak).


Likewise, he also rips into Cerebus.  And while the aardvark doesn’t have the best reputation these days, by ’86 his comic was still considered a contemporary classic that was innovating the sequential art form with almost every issue.


But fuck the Miami Mice, though.  Open season on those losers.


So some of the slaughtering comes across as maybe envy; Richardson seeing all these creators succeeding and innovating while the best idea he can come up with is Boris the Bear.  After reading Boris’ wiki article, apparently “killing characters more popular than he is” was the bear’s only gimmick.

I will say that the art is pretty great, though.  James Dean Smith does a fine job imitating the styles of all those other artists to make the parody characters feel authentic.  While he gets many of the little details right, he forgot to include a skull and crossbones speech bubble when Usagi dies.  What is this, Amateur Hour?

Like a LOT of forgotten ‘80s black and white indie comics, Boris the Bear issues routinely wind up in quarter and dollar bins.  With this having been released by a major publisher and having gotten multiple printings, you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding it for cheap.  The novelty, at least for one issue, is pretty fun in a cheap thrill sort of way.  The original characters and the story are dumb, but the art is pretty sweet.  Maybe grab it if you see it.

And no, I won’t be reviewing Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters.  Absolutely never.


Monday, June 8, 2015

TMNT: The IDW Collection Vol. 1 hard cover comes out tomorrow.


I don't normally shill for comic publishers, since I have nothing to gain from it, but I figured I'd promote this thing strictly out of passion.

TMNT: The IDW Collection Vol. 1 hard cover finally comes out tomorrow (June 9).

This book has been delayed repeatedly for almost a year, stopping and starting so many times I think most fans either lost track of it or assumed it was cancelled.  But it's coming out tomorrow!

This volume collects IDW's TMNT #1-12 as well as TMNT Micro-Series #1-5 in chronological order.  Early reviews even indicate that it will include the short story "A Lot to Learn" from the TMNT 30th Anniversary Special (the story acts as an epilogue to the first 4-issue arc).

It's an attractive package and the best way to get into the IDW series if you haven't jumped onboard yet.  The current trades separate the main series from the minis and one-shots, so the narrative is all jumbled around.  With these collections, you get the most intuitive reading experience.

The only notable omission is the 2-issue Infestation 2: TMNT miniseries.  According to editor Bobby Curnow, the issues were omitted as a matter of space, not continuity, and since the main series never references their events, you won't be missing anything vital (you wouldn't even know they were absent if I hadn't brought them up).  But here's hoping they show up in a future Volume just because I like them.

As for me, since I own the issues in floppies, I won't be getting one for myself, BUT I will be using it as my go-to purchase for gifts for friends.  It's a good way to indoctrinate the uninitiated.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

From Here to Sewerternia


Originally published in: TMNT New Animated Adventures #23
Publication date: June 3, 2015

Story: Caleb Goellner
Art: Chad Thomas
Colors: Heather Breckel
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

“From Here to Sewerternia”

Summary:

After finishing a training session, Mikey returns to his room to find his Spaceman Soldiersaur action figure missing.  Mikey goes on a journey to reclaim him…

Spaceman Soldiersaur awakens on the alien world Sewerernia, in the Pancake Palace.  He’s lost, but summons his sidekick Pixie Jones to get their bearings.  Jones finds a note from the villainous Grate-Or, warning them that he’s taken their teammate, Cowboy Carrier hostage.  They are to meet for a duel or Cowboy dies.

Soldiersaur and Pixie Jones begin their quest, but can’t find Grate-Or’s evil lair.  They’re suddenly assisted by the rock giant Gargantuapril, who gladly picks them up and hurls them toward the cave Grate-Or calls home.


They arrive and confront Grate-Or (a giant cheese grater in a cape) who wants revenge for not being invited to Soldiersaur’s last party.  Grate-Or takes out a pair of nunchakus and begins bashing Soldiersaur with them, intending to turn him, Jones and Cowboy into a pizza…

In reality, Mikey is playing with his toys as part of his plan to relocate Soldiersaur.  Donatello finds the toy in the kitchen, sitting on a stack of pancakes.  Mikey is elated, but Donatello is less happy when he finds that he’s misplaced the T-phone he was upgrading.  Mikey understands his torment.


Turtle Tips:

*The series continues in TMNT New Animated Adventures #24.


Review:

Chad Thomas drew both stories in this issue?  That’s uncommon; usually the main story and the back-up are split between two different artists.  Whatever, it’s not important.  He does a good job on both segments.

Goellner writes a fun, off-beat tale that maybe skews Mikey a little too young even in regards to the Nick series.  Has he ever been shown playing with toys like a small child in that series?

Well, whatever the case, it was a neat imaginary adventure, kinda reminiscent of the “Mikey dream” stories Landry Walker was writing over in the UK TMNT Magazine comic.  The He-Man parody could’ve been a little more realized, though.


Favorite Haunt, Part 1


Originally published in: TMNT New Animated Adventures #23
Publication date: June 2, 2015

Story: Matthew K. Manning
Art: Chad Thomas
Colors: Heather Breckel
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

“Favorite Haunt, Part 1”

Summary:

Having heard reports that the Squirrelanoids might be free from the septic tanks they were trapped in, Leonardo decides that he and his brothers need to patrol the sewers.  Mikey claims to be sick and unable to go on patrol, hamming up a head cold.  As soon as the other Turtles leave, they hear him gearing up for the season premiere of his favorite reality TV show: “Ghost Trackers”.  Wanting to teach Mikey a lesson, Leo comes up with a plan.


As Mikey and Ice Cream Kitty watch the host (Rebecca) search the New York City sewers live for spectral activity, they begin to hear a strange wailing.  Mikey goes to investigate and is ambushed repeatedly by a ghost samurai.  He runs screaming to his room.  Meanwhile, Rebecca hears screaming and laughing coming from somewhere in the sewers and decides to follow it.  She also picks up a faint radioactive signal.

Mikey eventually mans up and decides to take the ghost samurai down with a vacuum cleaner.  He attacks the ghost with the vacuum, sucking up its sheet to reveal... Donatello.  All three Turtles took turns playing the ghost to teach Mikey a lesson (he’s not amused).


Donatello then takes a break from mocking Mikey when he notices where the host on TV is standing: Right outside the lair.  He tells his brothers to keep quiet, otherwise she may find them.  Rebecca, on the other hand, is completely unaware that the Squirrelanoids are lurking just over her head…


Turtle Tips:

*The story continues in “Favorite Haunt, Part 2”.

*The Squirrelanoids first appeared in the season 2 episode, “Invasion of the Squirrelanoids”.  They were trapped in the city septic tanks in that same episode.  Since the Turtles saw them free in the episode “Metalhead Rewired”, I guess that means this story takes place between those two episodes.


Review:

The Squirrelanoids!  More of those one-shot monster mutant villains who never amounted to anything but cameos after their first appearance.  Glad to see this comic trying to get some more mileage out of these sorts of characters.  Lord knows the cartoon isn’t gonna.

Admittedly, the plot is pretty corny, at least for this first half of the story.  Manning notches it up with some lively dialogue that’s nicely in-character and Thomas puts a lot of energy into his pencils.  They make a good team, as Manning is excellent at channeling the voices of the characters and Thomas does a good job of trying to render that faux-anime aesthetic with the “chibi” reactions and wild takes.  He doesn’t overdo it, thankfully, and the gimmick is more cute than irritating.

I think my favorite gag throughout the story was Ice Cream Kitty’s nonchalant reaction to everything.  I dunno, I just found the sight of her munching on popcorn and not giving a shit amusing.

Anyhow, in case you haven’t heard, New Animated Adventures is on its way out.  It never sold especially well (somewhere around 5-6k copies per issue, which is pretty bad) so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.  I’ll save my overall feelings about the series for the finale, which looks to be ending on an understated note; “just another story”.

All that being said, New Animated Adventures is going to be immediately revived as Amazing Adventures, so nobody get too upset.

Grade: C (as in, “Can somebody tell me what episode Mikey’s lucky underwear appeared in?  He’s wearing them in this story, but all attempts to google ‘TMNT’ and ‘underwear’ have yielded… unpleasant results”.)


Saturday, June 6, 2015

TMNT New Animated Adventures #23


Publication date: June 3, 2015

Contents:

*"Favorite Haunt, Part 1"
*"From Here to Sewerternia"


Turtle Tips:

*This issue is continued from TMNT New Animated Adventures #22.  The series concludes in TMNT New Animated Adventures #24.

*This issue was originally published with 2 variant covers: Regular Cover by Dario Brizuela, Subscription Cover by Elsa Charretier.


TMNT: Mutanimals #4


Publication date: June 3, 2015

Story: Paul Allor
Art: Andy Kuhn
Colors: Nick Filardi and Ronda Pattison
Letters: Shawn Lee
Edits: Bobby Curnow

Summary:

As Hob and the Mutanimals head for Null’s lab, Mutagen Man manages to cause a chemical spill that initiates a shutdown, trapping all the guards and scientists inside.  Lindsey and Jillian try to talk him out of self-detonating, but he’s sure it’s the only way to stop them.


The Mutanimals arrive and break open the entrance, allowing the humans to escape.  Hob tells Mutagen Man that if he follows through on murdering innocent people, then he’ll be the monster Null wanted him to be.  Mutagen Man reconsiders, but can’t stop his suit from exploding.  Luckily, Lindsey figures out how to deactivate it.  As the Mutanimals reconvene, Lindsey offers to work with them to stop Null, even if Hob doesn’t trust her.  Hob comes up with a plan.

Later, Sally Pride gets the Mutanimals into Null’s skyscraper headquarter by landing a stolen helicopter on the roof.  Hob goes to see Null for a talk while Lindsey and Jillian hit the server room and the other Mutanimals keep the robot guards (Roadkill Rodneys) busy.  Once Lindsey and Jillian steal all Null’s data and incriminating evidence and then wipe the company’s files clean, Lindsey socks her ex-girlfriend in the face.  Tying Jillian up, Lindsey leaves her behind to be dealt with by Null, as she no longer trusts her to make the right choices.

In Null’s office, the devil lady begins beating the tar out of Hob, telling him that her business is interdimensional and nothing he has done has put more than a slight dent in her profits.  Even now, her guards have the Mutanimals pinned down and soon his “war” will be over before it even began.


Sally crashes the chopper through the side of the building, taking out several of the Roadkill Rodneys and giving the Mutanimals time to rally.  Meanwhile, Hob slashes Null across the face.  Even though she’s immortal, he can still hurt her.  In fact, with everything they’ve accomplished, he will get her where it really hurts: The profit line.  The evidence of her company’s wrongdoings is sent to the media, the wiped files will set her back for years, and he and the Mutanimals will always be there to cut her off if she ever tries to mess with Mutants again.  And just to drive the point home, Mutagen Man shows up and blasts her in the chest with a rocket launcher.  The Mutanimals promptly escape.


At Mutanimals HQ, Sally sees to everyone’s wounds.  While treating Lindsey, she tells her that the real reason Lindsey doesn’t feel accepted among the Mutanimals isn’t because she’s a human, but because she doesn’t open up and tell everyone else how she’s feeling.  Lindsey considers Sally’s advice.

Outside, Hob meets with Ray and the cat tells the fish that if he doesn’t feel comfortable in the field, he can use his intellect to help their cause in other ways.  Ray says that despite being an egghead, he finds field work helps him get his aggression out.  In fact, he wants to be even MORE proactive.  Hob agrees, but figures they should keep Slash in the dark about it for now, as he’s still recovering from his earlier meltdown.


With that over with, the Mutanimals all sit down to dinner and celebrate a successful start to their campaign.


Turtle Tips:

*This story is continued from Mutanimals #3.

*The Roadkill Rodneys were, of course, enemies featured in the first season of the Fred Wolf TMNT animated series and as antagonists in the Konami video games.

*This issue was originally printed with a 5-page preview of Onyx #0.

*This issue was originally published with 2 variant covers: Cover A by Kuhn and Filardi, Subscription Cover by Ben Bates.


Review:

That was a strong conclusion to an overall excellent miniseries.  As with the original Mutanimals miniseries, I do hope this one spins out into its own ongoing, or at least another mini to maybe test the waters.  These continue to be great characters, but since there’s so many of them, there’s really no way they can shine as cameo guests in the TMNT ongoing.  That book is already drowning in an overabundance of co-stars; a sudden injection of 8 more would send it plummeting to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Hey, let’s talk about Hob for a moment.  He’s come such a long way, hasn’t he?  Not just in terms of importance, intellect and threat-level, but I mean in genuine character development.  He really grows and changes over the course of this series, at least in terms of his world view and philosophy.

Recall how he acted in the “New Mutant Order” arc, which essentially debuted the Mutanimals in the IDW series.  He straight up wanted to kill Bebop and Rocksteady just because they had been humans at one point.  His hatred of humans was fairly shallow and he operated in stark black and white, letting his emotions override his judgment.

But over the course of this mini, you see him and his outlook change.  Losing Lindsey makes him realize how much he values humans and needs their help, and how he’s better off cooperating with the best of them as opposed to making more enemies.  He and Lindsey aren’t exactly friends by the end of the mini (she still betrayed him), but he also comes to understand that she might not have left had he treated her better.  Old Hob, if he’s anything, he’s pragmatic and opportunistic.  He knows that mistreating his teammates is not the way to get the best performance out of them, and even if Lindsey is a human, she’s still a member of the Mutanimals and deserves to be treated as well as anyone else.

It’s fantastically consistent with his character, who has patiently grown and schemed and evolved over the course of the series, but always in reaction to his trial and error failures and successes.  Old Hob is one of the best characters in IDW’s TMNT universe, maybe a contender for THE best, and I find his growth fascinating.  The IDW guys have done amazing things with him.

I was also grateful that Mutagen Man didn’t explode.  Flippantly killing off characters is something that’s become very vogue in comics over the past few decades and I positively cannot stand it.  When you kill a character for “shock”, you eliminate all potential that character might have had and close the door on so many possible stories.  If they’d introduced Mutagen Man just to kill him off a few issues later, I’d have been livid.  But no, Allor ties it all up with a throwback to Hob’s and Slash’s earlier argument about “any means necessary” and not only does it save Mutagen Man from an early grave, but it’s also the big moment where Hob realizes he’s been wrong all this time.

And that’s another thing.  These Mutanimals feel integrated.  They reflect off of one another and interact differently and help each other grow.  The original Mutanimals from the Archie series; those characters almost felt disjointed or separated from one another.  They were a team, but not really a family and everyone was kind of isolated.

But here, Hob’s relationship with Slash is different from his relationship with Mutagen Man.  Sally’s relationship with Lindsey is different from her relationship with Ray.  Mondo’s relationship with Pete is different from his relationship with Herman.  And so on.  It’s THAT sort of thing that makes these characters feel like they’re all a tight knit unit rather than solo acts bumpered by invisible personality force fields.

The new faces also get a little basic characterization, too.  Sally already had her love of driving and piloting dropped in the previous issue, but now we get to see it as well as a softer side to her wild girl persona (her one-on-one with Lindsey).  Ray finally gets something to work with, as we learn that he’s highly intelligent (previously, we’d only known that he was patient and pensive).  It’s something.

Ray also seems to be usurping Slash as Hob’s second-in-command in light of Slash’s losing control.  That could facilitate some drama down the line, but also give Ray a chance to do something that matters.

As for Null, she’s still a mystery.  I guess I wasn’t expecting her whole origin and deal to be dropped on us with this issue, but maybe I was anticipating a little bit more than, well, nothing.  I think the only tidbit we got was that her business is interdimensional, which could mean a lot of things.  I wonder how she deals with the public, though?  Does she wear makeup and a hat over her horns?  These things must be revealed.

Andy Kuhn’s art in this issue seems rushed and a little messy in places (Page 9 is pretty rough).  There are also two colorists on this issue (though you can’t tell their pages apart).  It looks like maybe folks fell behind or something and things had to be hurried; I dunno.  Not that the issue looks BAD or anything, but it does have some sloppy marks here and there.

All in all, Mutanimals was another terrific miniseries.  IDW has really been knocking these out of the park ever since they started.  What’s more is that the Mutanimals feel as interesting and three-dimensional as the Turtles do in the main title.  It leaves me craving a Mutanimals ongoing, at least under the condition that they keep the writing up to this standard.


Grade: A (as in, “And the Roadkill Rodneys are never called that name in the issue, but come on.  That’s what they are”.)