Toy Boy Turtles

Publication date: February 23 - March 8, 1991
Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #29

Authors: Andrew W. Donkin & Graham S. Brand
Artist: Mick Austin

"Toy Boy Turtles"

Summary:

The Turtles have a dinner date in the lair with April, but she's late.  When she arrives, she's shaken, and explains that she was mugged by a clown.  The clown escaped into the back of a local toy store and the Turtles figure that's the best place to start looking.

At the toy store, the Turtles pretend to be inspectors and the Toymaker cooperates, leading them into the basement.  Suddenly, all his toys come to life, actually being robots, and attack the Turtles.  The toys trap them in a giant robot spider's web and the Toymaker considers selling his catch on the illegal exotic pet market.  Raphael accidentally lets it slip that Splinter, a giant talking rat, will come to save them and that gives the Toymaker a fiendish idea.

The "Turtles" return to the lair and try to get Splinter to come with them, but when they reject his offer for pizza, he realizes that they're robot duplicates.  This gives Splinter a fiendish idea of his own and he asks April to help him.

Robot Leonardo then returns with Splinter to the toy store, but much to the Toymaker's shock, robot Leo is actually April in disguise.  She and Splinter free the Turtles, who make short work of the robot toys.  However, the Toymaker escapes in a rocket ship loaded with all his stolen loot.  The Turtles give chase in the Turtle Blimp (which April and Splinter had apparently used to travel to the toy store) and Leonardo slices off one of the rocket's tail fins.  The rocket crashes by a police officer, spilling the Toymaker and all his stolen property out in front of the angry cop.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "The Boss".


Review:

Now HERE'S the Fleetway weirdness the other story in this issue lacked.  Clown muggers and killer robot toys and a blimp chasing a rocket ship... You might not be able to categorize this as a good comic, but at least you can never accuse it of being dull.

Killer toy horror movies were a pretty big thing in the late '80s and early '90s, even if the sub genre has mostly died out by now.  The context of the era helps this story, with its distinct horror movie vibe, make a little bit more sense.  Personally, I actually have an affection for killer toy horror movies, even if most of them aren't very good.  I'm talking stuff like "Dolly Dearest", "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part V" or any "Puppet Master" sequel up until the fifth one (even I have a breaking point).  Just like those movies, this comic isn't very good but I like it anyway.

You gotta love some of the bizarre conflicts in logic and plotting that this issue offers.  April returns to the lair shaking and scared beyond belief because a clown just mugged her (understandable), but then she explains how she fearlessly pursued him across the city until he escaped into a toy store.  Did something scare her again on her way to the lair?  Then there's the matter of April and Splinter, on a covert mission to trick the Toymaker... traveling to the toy store via blimp.  Doesn't get less conspicuous than that.

But hey, all the weird crap that doesn't make any sense is part of the charm for the Fred Wolf era TMNT stuff.  Also, I have to agree with little Laura Cunningham of Londonderry:

Michelangelo IS magic.

The Boss

Publication date: February 23 - March 8, 1991
Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #29

Author: David Robinson
Artist: Sandy James

"The Boss"

Summary:

Down in the lair, Splinter instructs the Turtles on proper meditation practices.  Unfortunately, Raphael keeps falling asleep and Splinter warns him what his sensei used to do whenever he'd nod off during meditation (he'd whack him upside the head with a stick).  The Turtles then head over to Pete's Pizza Palace for dinner with April, only to find the place being worked over by mob goons operating a protection racket.  They stomp the goons, but Pete tells them that the mobsters have been running the racket on all the businesses in the area.

The next night, at Jack's Amusement Arcade, the Turtles stake the joint out and when the mobsters show up, they take them down.  The mobsters return to meet with the Boss, the most notorious crime kingpin in New York, and give him the bad news.  Irritated, the Boss hatches a scheme to kidnap April O'Neil and use her as bait to trap the Turtles.

The mobsters collect April at her apartment and leave a ransom note, which the Turtles find the next day.  They follow the instructions to an abandoned warehouse where the mobsters are all waiting at the front door to ambush them.  The Turtles come in through the back door instead and get the drop on the mobsters.  As Raphael and Michelangelo deal with the goons, Leonardo and Donatello go to rescue April from the room she's being kept in.  As soon as they enter, the room fills with poisonous gas.  Using their meditation techniques to calm their thoughts and think things through, they use their bandanas as gas masks and get April out before any of them can be poisoned.  The Boss and his mobsters are then left for the cops.

Later that night, as the Turtles sleep, they're awakened by a light coming from the living room.  Leo, Donnie and Mikey find Raph staying up all night reading comic books, which explains his dozing off during meditation.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "Toy Boy Turtles".


Review:

"The Boss" is a truly ho-hum story about mobsters kidnapping April in order to bait the Turtles into an ambush.  Not especially ambitious, no, and it certainly is disappointing seeing as how the only thing I look forward to when I open up one of these Fleetway Hero Turtle books is the assurance that I'm gonna get something really weird.  Or at least a guy in a gorilla costume.

Sandy James' art is a plus, even if the story a zero effort ordeal.  The impact he draws with all his punches and kicks leaves you with the impression that the Turtles are just murdering these goons with every blow.  Or at the very least, those mobsters are going home with serious brain damage.

It didn't come across in my summary, but the bit about Raph constantly falling asleep is a running gag throughout the issue.  He doesn't overcome it in any meaningful way to help resolve the conflict, it was just included so the story could have a droll punchline at the end.  Though it is a little funny when the Turtles are in the Party Wagon, racing to save April from certain doom, and Raph is catching Zs in the back because he couldn't give a damn.

And lastly, I would like to bring attention to this panel:

Run, mobsters!  The Turtles are going to take you from behind and then blow you!

Turtles of Terror

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #27
Publication date: January 26 - February 8, 1991

Story: David Robinson
Art: Sandy James

"Turtles of Terror"

Summary:

In the Technodrome, the Shredder unveils his latest scheme to Krang.  Using the transdimensional portal, he has discovered an alternate universe where the Hero Turtles are known as the Evil Turtles.  Using the portal, Shredder brings the Evil Turtles to the Technodrome and orders them to do his bidding, otherwise he'll never send them back to their universe.  His orders are simple: They are to infiltrate the lair of the Hero Turtles, take them down one-by-one and then bring them to the Technodrome.

In the lair, the Hero Turtles and Splinter leave for an evening of pizza-scarfing, but Raphael must stay behind and practice his meditation techniques (as punishment for falling asleep during practice earlier).  Shortly, Evil Donatello and Evil Leonardo enter the lair and tell Raph that they want him to come with them for pizza.  Raph sneaks out with them, but is ambushed by the rest of the Evil Turtles.  They take him to an abandoned warehouse and chain him up.

Evil Raph then takes the real Raph's place and returns to the lair.  The Hero Turtles and Splinter return, but Donnie remembers he needs to give April an update on their latest adventures for her news report.  Evil Raph offers to go with him and as soon as they're out of the lair, the other Evil Turtles ambush Donnie and take him back to the warehouse.

Evil Raph and Evil Donnie return to the lair and wait until morning to draw the rest of the Hero Turtles out.  After breakfast, they suggest a jog and bring Mikey and Leo along.  Once they hit the streets, they're ambushed and taken back to the warehouse.  With all four Hero Turtles chained up, the Evil Turtles decide they can take Splinter by force and leave.  The Turtles are helpless until a pair of bums unwittingly enter the warehouse, looking for a place to sleep.  They gladly unchain the Hero Turtles, who rush to save Splinter.

The Hero Turtles arrive at the lair just in time and attack the Evil Turtles.  They overpower them and save Splinter, but before they can take the Evil Turtles to the authorities, Shredder teleports the failures back to their alternate universe.  The Hero Turtles are relieved the adventure is over, but realize that the only reason they were able to succeed was because they were helped by a pair of homeless.  To repay them, the Turtles put on a charity martial arts exhibition at the local homeless shelter to raise money.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "Pied Piper".


Review:

We've gotten a lot of "evil Turtle" stories over the decades and I wouldn't rank this among the best of them, but it's certainly way more ambitious than most of the comics Fleetway published.  It doesn't rely exclusively on a single dumb gag and it isn't full of ridiculous nonsense (though I'll admit that the ridiculous nonsense is why I like these comics).  It's actually a fairly straight-forward action story, which is unusual for the Fleetway book.

There isn't much intrigue to the plot, which is a consequence of that "straight-forward" thing I was talking about.  Splinter and the Hero Turtles begin to see tells in Evil Donatello when he infiltrates the lair (Evil Don can't fix a broken TV and he's left-handed), but their suspicions never advance to anything that impacts the narrative.  Splinter and the Hero Turtles might as well have been oblivious to the rogues in their house, all the good their suspicions did them.

The deus ex hobo resolution is a bit of good and bad.  The homeless guys coming out of nowhere to help the Turtles and ultimately save the day was a surprise, but one that made sense to the location (it's an abandoned warehouse in New York City, of course bums would want to sleep there).  But then their inclusion sends the story spiraling into a Public Service Announcement in the final pages, which was the bad kind of surprise.

I suppose that my favorite thing about this issue was the tiny tank-tread thing that Krang rides around in:

It's so fucking weird.  I mean, Sandy James could have drawn him in his robot body, or his bubble walker, or even that weird little tripod he sat on in the first season of the cartoon.  But no, he drew him with a tank platform.  It's the little things I appreciate the most.

Pied Piper

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #27
Publication date: January 26 - February 8, 1991

Story: Scott Goodall
Art: Mick Austin

"Pied Piper"

Summary:

At the popular pizzeria Piccolino's Palace, head chef Pietro Pauncho Piccolino is working his cooks through the pre-dawn hours, making pizzas for his restaurant's 50th anniversary celebration.  The cooks are complaining about lack of sleep when the Shredder and his Foot Soldiers burst in.  The Shredder offers to help them get some sleep by beating the shit out of everyone.  He then reports back to Krang that stage one of their plan is complete.

Later that morning, down in the lair, the Turtles catch April's news broadcast reporting on Piccolino's anniversary... and the FREE pizzas he'll be giving away to celebrate.  The Turtles put on their trench coats and head to the restaurant for their free pies, where several Foot Soldiers in chef costumes hook them up.  The Turtles return to the lair and scarf down the piles of pizza, only to quickly fall asleep as the food had been drugged.

Finding his pupils unconscious, Splinter investigates, but is immediately hypnotized by strange music.  He wanders out of the lair and through the sewers along with all the others rats who hear the song.  Spying, Bebop and Rocksteady report back to Krang that stage two is a success.  Evidently, Krang's master plan involved dressing the Shredder up as the Pied Piper of Hamlin and having him play a flute with a special frequency that entrances rats... Splinter included!  With the Turtles unconscious thanks to the drugged pizzas, there's nothing stopping the Shredder from leading Splinter to the incomplete Westside Bay Bridge and sending him plummeting off of it.

Residents of the city notice the rats all congregating at the bridge and call in to the news networks.  Burne gets wind of this and assigns April to investigate at the bridge.  As soon as she gets there, she recognizes the Shredder and sees Splinter under his control.  April races to the lair and uses a flood of water to wake the Turtles.  Once they're caught up, the Turtles mobilize.

The Turtles arrive at the bridge, where the Shredder has gone airborne in a helicopter, hovering over the bay.  Splinter and the rats continue moving toward the source of the music, drawing closer to the end of the bridge.  Knowing they can't stop Splinter, the Turtles form a human pyramid and get high enough to reach the helicopter.  Donatello snatches the flute from Shredder, ending the music and snapping Splinter back to his senses.

Down in the lair, the Turtles sullenly burn the pizzas they bought, knowing that they're all drugged.  April cheers them up by promising to buy them all dinner at Piccolino's.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "Turtles of Terror".


Review:

Shredder had to deal with a lot of indignities during the Fred Wolf and Archie era.  There was that time he got transformed into a baby, that time he got mutated into a fly, that time Krang fired him like he was a secretary that made too many typos... But this seems like one of his worst moments.

Krang's scheme isn't without merit.  In fact, it's actually pretty brutal.  The mission is strictly to kill Splinter.  No taking over the world or even defeating the Turtles.  They just flat out want to kill Splinter.  It comes pretty close to working, too, and that's fine.

But what I don't get?  Why did Shredder have to wear the Pied Piper costume.  How did the costume affect the scheme?  He could've just played the flute while wearing his usual outfit; that silly getup didn't enhance anything.  You know what?  I bet Krang was just fucking with him.

"Do I HAVE to wear this?"
"Uh... yeah!  The flute won't work unless you're wearing a tunic and pixie boots!  Now put it on!"

What's really funny is how disguises both work and don't work throughout this issue, depending on convenience.  When the Turtles show up at the pizzeria in their trenchcoats and fedoras, the Shredder snickers that he can see through their disguises.  He then puts chef hats on his Foot Soldiers and has them deliver the pizzas to the Turtles, who don't recognize the Foot Soldiers at all.  And later, when April glimpses the "Pied Piper", she immediately recognizes him as the Shredder.  Has April ever actually seen the Shredder without his mask on?

This whole story is just ridiculous, but man, I kinda love it.  And you know what else I love?  The violence.  We like to laugh at UK Hero Turtles stuff, where they couldn't use the word "ninja" because "it's too violent" and Michelangelo couldn't have his nunchakus because "they're too violent".  But I swear, these UK comics are WAY more violent than the American ones even with those handicaps.  Just LOOK at these blows:

The Shredder and the Foot Soldiers are absolutely fuckin' WRECKING those poor saps.

And as one final note, it's weird that this comic didn't feature the Rat King.  Like, this was his whole shtick in the Fred Wolf cartoon and Shredder straight up swipes it in this issue.  Rat King had better call his lawyers.

Hogbog the Horrible

Publication date: December 29, 1990 - January 11, 1991
Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #25

Story: James Nichols
Art: Richard Elson

Summary:

In the Technodrome, Shredder is enjoying his day off when Krang comes through the portal from Dimension X.  Still angry that Shredder won't build him a body, and displeased with all of his failings, Krang fires Shredder and introduces him to his replacement: Hogbog, the Totally Horrible.  Shredder backs away in awe of the giant, three-armed, fire-breathing monster, but orders Bebop and Rocksteady and spy on Krang and figure out when he plans to unleash it on the city.  The mutants do, and when Shredder gets the time and location, he calls the Happy Hour News and reports it in as a means to sabotage Krang and get his job back.

Thanks to April, the Turtles arrive at a junkyard the same time as the Technodrome.  They get the drop on Krang and knock him off his tripod, but Hogbog comes storming out and attacks them.  The creature corners them, but April comes speeding in on the Channel 6 news van and crashes it into the monster.  Dazed, Hogbog goes wandering off into the city.  The Turtles leave to catch Hogbog while April stays behind to deal with Krang.  Knowing she can't fight him, she calls in her camera crew who broadcast his bodiless appearance all over television.  Humiliated, Krang squirms away in tears.

Meanwhile, the Turtles go after Hogbog in the Turtle Blimp.  They find him scaling a skyscraper and Leonardo, Michelangelo and Raphael grapple down to fight him.  With Hogbog distracted, Donatello smacks him in the back with the Blimp's glider, knocking him over the edge of the skyscraper.  The monster crashes into the ground and is driven deep into the earth by the impact.

Back in the Technodrome, Shredder is certain he's got his old job back now that Hogbog has been defeated.  But Krang returns from a second trip to Dimension X with Shredder's newest replacement: Hogbog's mate.  Knowing Shredder sabotaged his last scheme, Krang sics her on him to get revenge.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was originally published alongside "One of our Turtles is Missing!"

*When Hogbog crashes through the ground, the Turtles joke that he might make an appearance in Neighbours.  I had to Wikipedia this shit, but apparently Neighbours is an Australian soap opera that's very popular in the UK.


Review:

Wait, Shredder hasn't built Krang his robot body yet?  So does that mean this story takes place somewhere in the middle of the Archie TMNT Adventures miniseries?  Or, more likely, the Fleetway comics ascribe to no coherent continuity, not even that of the Archie comics they were published alongside of.

Other weird season 1 relics abound.  This issue features Krang firing the Shredder from his employ (a plot the cartoon would later try its hand at in the episode "Beware the Lotus").  It's a reminder that although Shredder and Krang were more often depicted as partners in later seasons, their original dynamic in the series was as employer and mercenary.

There are yet more season 1 artifacts in the story, like Krang being embarrassed to be seen without a body and also calling the Shredder "Saki" as a means to disrespect him (something he stopped doing by the second season).  It seems that the people who wrote the Fleetway-original comics never read past the initial Archie 3-issue miniseries (that adapted the first season of the cartoon), because all the character dynamics and even designs are mined exclusively from those stories.

Aside from some good (but uncredited) artwork, "Hogbog the Horrible" is far more milquetoast than the other comic published in this issue of Hero Turtles.  It has a fun focus on the villains, but nothing much beyond that save for a generic monster and a tired King Kong parody.

One of our Turtles is Missing!

Publication date: December 29, 1990 - January 11, 1991
Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #25

Story: James Nichols
Art: Sandy James

Summary:

Down in the sewers, the Turtles are testing out Donatello's new wave machine with their surfboards when it overheats and explodes.  Donnie is caught in the explosion and swept out to the beach.  He awakens, but with... AMNESIA!

As the Turtles search the sewers for Donnie, a Foot Soldier spy hears that one of them is missing and reports back to the Shredder.  Figuring this is the best time to pick a solo Turtle off, Shredder orders the Foot Clan to hunt Donatello down.  They eventually find him out by the tracks, but he doesn't know who they are.  Sensing an opportunity, Shredder introduces himself as "Mr. John Smith" and invites Donnie back to his home for supper.

At the Technodrome, Donnie fills up and asks Shredder how he can repay him.  Shredder asks Donnie to help him defeat a trio of criminal turtles; specifically, he wants Donnie to build a Super War Machine.  Donnie isn't sure how to build it, but as soon as he starts, his muscle memory takes over and he constructs the colossal tank.

Two days later, the Turtles receive a letter from the Shredder, telling them to come out and save Donatello, if they can.  Splinter senses that it is a trap, but the Turtles head out anyway.  They find Donatello, but he lures them into the path of the Super War Machine.  The Turtles easily destroy the tank, but Donatello takes a gun from the Shredder and attacks them.  Realizing that Donnie has amnesia, the Turtles decide not to fight back and Donnie brains them all into unconsciousness with the butt of the rifle.

Later, the Turtles come to in the Technodrome, but they've been placed inside the Turtle Crusher (a glass tube with a hydraulic press on the roof.  Before the press can come down, Mikey throws a slice of emergency pizza at Donnie.  Eating it, Donnie regains his memory.  He helps the Turtles escape and together they beat the Foot Clan senseless.  Locking them in the Turtle Crusher (but not turning it on, because they're good guys), the Turtles leave.

Back at the lair, Donatello apologizes to the others by making them pizzas... plain cheese pizzas.  The Turtles think he has amnesia again because he forgot the toppings, but Donnie reveals it to just be a prank.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "Hogbog the Horrible".


Review:

These UK comics are weird, but there's a sort of consistent weirdness to them.  There are ideas that are almost uniquely Fleetway, as they pop up a lot, but you'd swear on the surface that they're mistakes.  Like, the Foot Soldier robots have all been shown talking throughout this series.  Strange, but then in this issue not only do they talk, but they have inner monologues, too:

Can these Foot Soldiers feel?  Can they love?  I hope not.  Because the Turtles chop their heads off with their bear hands in this issue.

There's also the fact that the Shredder knows where the sewer lair is (he sends them a letter via paper airplane in this issue) or how the Technodrome is apparently in some place both stationary and sewer adjacent (the Turtles walk in and out of the Technodrome frequently in these comics).  All these things come across like lazy writing at first, but as I get further into the Fleetway series, I'm starting to see that the writers are keeping up with these ideas.  Maybe it WAS a fuck up at first, but now they're owning it.

This issue also tries to figure out what to do about Michelangelo's lack of a weapon.  In some panels he fights with his hands and yet in others he uses a bo staff like Donatello.  This has happened before in the Fleetway series, but it's still bizarre every time I see it.  How much longer until England finds out about the grappling hook?

Everything else about the issue is a lot of, I dunno, whatever.  It's an amnesia plot.  Nothing says "we're not even trying" like an amnesia plot.  Still, the art is lovely.  Is it Sandy James?  I don't know for sure, but those bullet blasts and explosions look gorgeous.  I suppose my only complaint about James' art, beyond the instances of tracing and copying from Michael Dooney, is that he always manages to make the pizza look like vomit.  It might be the combo of yellow goo flecked with red and green dots, but his pizzas always appear diseased and revolting.  The '80s cartoon had more appetizing pizzas and those cartoons were drawn with Korean slave labor.

Anyway, the oddities are the real reason to read these Fleetway comics.  Or at least *I* think so.  C'mon, I have to find SOMETHING to motivate me to review these things.

Fast Flush!

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #22
Publication date: November 17 - 30, 1990

Story:Scott Goodall
Art: Rex Archer

"Fast Flush!"

Summary:

In the Technodrome, Krang surveys the damage to his Foot Soldiers and the injuries sustained by Bebop and Rocksteady all thanks to the Turtles.  Displeased, Krang insists he can do better than Shredder and comes up with a plan to destroy the Turtles once and for all.

Later, the Turtles are sitting down for pizza when Splinter gets a psychic premonition of dangerous water.  As it happens, the Foot Soldiers are invading every bathroom on the surface and running all the taps and flushing all the "loos" at once, causing the sewers to flood.  The Turtles and Splinter are swept away in the tide before they can even grab their weapons.

A Foot Soldier in a mini-sub keeps tabs on their progress through the sewers and reports to Krang where the Turtles and Splinter will be surfacing.  Krang and Shredder then plot an ambush at that location.

And that's exactly what happens.  The unarmed Turtles surface and are surrounded by Foot Soldiers.  The Foot drive them into a blind alley and Bebop and Rocksteady bear down on them with their guns.  The Turtles escape into an adjacent building and find themselves in the abandoned Carver City Film Studio.  Getting an idea, they run and hide in the costume department.

Krang leads his army into the studio and past the costumed dummies, only for the "dummies" to spring to life and attack.  With the element of surprise on their side, the Turtles take down the Foot Soldiers.  They then use a large fan to blow Krang, Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady out of the studio and into a fountain.  With the day saved, the Turtles figure they can use the fan to dry out their lair.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was originally published with "Help!  Where's the Pizza?"


Review:

Wow, I guess the theme of this Hero Turtles issue was "unfeasible evil schemes".  The previous story had the Foot destroy all the pizzerias in New York and that seemed pretty unlikely.  Not to be outdone, this story has the Foot turn on all the faucets and flush all the toilets in the city.  With manpower resources like that, I don't know how these guys keep on losing.

The story is ridiculous, but that's half the charm of these Fred Wolf era Turtle stories.  They're supposed to be bonkers.  Problem with this one is that it abruptly segues from one idea into something completely unrelated, as if two scripts got fused together at the middle.  The story suddenly switches from the Turtles getting caught in a flood to "fun at the costume department!"  That film studio comes out of nowhere just to give this comic an ending.

Also, man, the lair gets trashed a lot in these Hero Turtles comics, doesn't it?  Both stories in this issue feature it getting ransacked or demolished, but it also got blown to Kingdom Come back in TMHT Adventures #15.  Good thing this is one of those comics that always ends with a press of the Reset button.

And again, no idea who wrote or drew this issue due to absent credits.  As with other TMHT comics, it features a lot of look-and-copy artwork taken from other sources.  Look at the close-up of Krang yelling on the title page above.  Now compare it with this Michael Dooney panel:

I mean, I'll give them credit for not straight-up tracing someone else's art, but they're still a copycat.  Whoever they are.

That's another one of these UK things down.  I think I'm going easier on them since I haven't reviewed one in a while.  They're stupid, but if you take them in modest portions once every few months, the stupidity is more fun than it is irritating.  But I still gotta do like 40 more of these things.  Jesus.

Help! Where's the Pizza?

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #22
Publication date: November 17 - 30, 1990

Story: James Nichols
Art: Sandy James
(credits taken from Holiday Special reprint)

"Help!  Where's the Pizza?"

Summary:

In the Technodrome, the Shredder is reviewing footage of old battles against the Turtles, trying to deduce a way to beat them.  Suddenly, he realizes that without pizza, the Turtles would grow weak and helpless.  Gathering Bebop, Rocksteady and an army of Foot Soldiers, the Shredder begins a campaign of laying waste to every pizzeria in the city.

Down in the lair, the Turtles are waiting on their pizza order when Leonardo comes running in.  He has bad news: Half the pizza parlors in the city have been destroyed.  Sensing the Shredder's handiwork, the Turtles race to the surface.  They find the Foot about to trash to last pizzeria in town, Pizza Shop, but manage to scare them off.  Leo decides that 24 hour guard duty is the only solution and the Turtles make camp at Pizza Shop.

It's quiet for a while, at least until Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady return, piloting the Pizza-Eating Robots (bipedal brontosaurus-looking things).  The Turtles take down the Pizza-Eaters, but they aren't quick enough to stop a bomb from destroying Pizza Shop.  Triumphant, the Shredder retreats.

Desperate for pizza, the Turtles decide to hit the one "pizza parlor" that the Shredder doesn't know about: The pizza stash they keep in the lair!  The Turtles return to the lair, only to find it trashed and Splinter unconscious on the floor.  Their sensei regains his senses and explains that Shredder and his goons were too many for him and they destroyed all of the Turtles' emergency pizza supplies.  Defeated, the Turtles slump into a deep depression.  Realizing he needs help, Splinter calls on April O'Neil and together they come up with a plan.

Back at the Technodrome, the Shredder is coming up with his next evil scheme now that the Turtles are on the verge of starvation.  April then appears on the news and reports that the city government, wanting to help the Turtles in their time of need, will be baking a world record-shattering giant pizza to present to them as a gift during a ceremony in Central Park.  Infuriated, Shredder orders all of his forces to converge on the park and destroy the giant pizza.

The Shredder does just that, leading an army of Foot Soldiers and Pizza-Eaters toward the giant pizza on display in the park.  Getting near it, Bebop discovers that the "pizza" is made entirely out of gunge.  April then climbs a scaffold and shoves the giant pizza onto the Foot, trapping them in the sticky substance.  Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady break free, but with the Foot Soldiers and Pizza-Eaters destroyed, and the Turtles rallying, they've no choice but to retreat.

The day saved, April leads the Turtles to the actual reward offered by the city: Two truckloads of fresh-baked pizzas.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "Fast Flush!"

*This story was reprinted in the TMHT Holiday Special #1.

*"Gunge" is a British word for "slime".  Apparently.


Review:

You know, I actually think the Fleetway comics capture the spirit of the old Fred Wolf TMNT cartoon better than the Archie comics did.  I say this because the Archie comics aspired to be more than what the companion cartoon was.  The Archie comics, for both good and ill, had ambition.  But the Fleetway comics?  These things hew closer to their mediocre source material, but that isn't always a disparaging sort of deal.  Just like the Fred Wolf cartoon, the Fleetway comics are this baffling combination of inspired weirdness and half-assed shoddiness that makes them memorable beyond all tangible merit.

I mean, just look at this issue.  Much of the art is traced or look-and-copied from artwork that appeared in other issues of both the Fleetway and Archie books.  Look at Leonardo hacking into the Foot Soldier in the title page up at the top.  Familiar?

It's a look-and-copy job of Michael Dooney art, no doubt about it.  Yet also look at how much effort was put into the painted colors seen throughout this issue.  That shit takes TIME.

The story, too.  I mean, there are incongruities, like the Shredder knowing where the secret sewer lair is, invading it off-panel, and leaving Splinter alive and uncaptured just to destroy some pizza ingredients.  But at the same time, the plot of the Shredder trying to starve the Turtles to death by destroying their singular source of nourishment is just crazy enough to work.  Or at least carry 13 pages.  Like I said, there's this weird juxtaposition of "actually trying" and "completely not giving a shit" throughout these comics that utterly boggles the mind.

On the subject of the Shredder, he is NUTS in this comic.  It's funny, because the UK "Hero Turtles" stuff is typically viewed as being more sanitized than their American "Ninja Turtles" counterparts.  I mean, they can't say "ninja", Mikey can't use his nunchakus, etc.  But then LOOK at some of those selected panels I put in my summary.  Shredder is blowing up buildings and burning half the city to the ground and he's loving every minute of it.  This is some violent shit, at least in terms of property damage.

But much like the Fred Wolf cartoon, the Fleetway comics are best taken in small doses.  If I were to marathon these stories, I'd get sick of them pretty quick.  Also, I really wish these comics had consistent credit pages.  You can sometimes tell who the artist is by just looking (I think this is Sandy James?), but I'm not really familiar enough with the Fleetway in-house crew to make unsourced definitive statements on who did what.

The Green Menace

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #21
Publication date: November 3 - 16, 1990

Plot: David Robinson
Art: Massimo Belardinelli

"The Green Menace"

Summary:

Down in the lair, the Turtles are mocking Leonardo for doting over his prize sewer weed when they catch a news broadcast from April.  She's reporting from the Annual Flower Show when suddenly a giant vine springs to life, snatches her up and takes over the building.  The Turtles drop what they're doing and race to the Flower Show.

They chop their way in and free April, but within seconds April gets a report from the newsroom that a giant tree has sprouted up downtown.  While the Turtles investigate that, another vine delivers a video tape to the Police Commissioner.  The cops play the tape on TV and it reveals a strange plant-man named Father Nature has caused all the crazy plant attacks.  He has the power to control plants and will only call his forces off if he's given 10 million dollars, delivered to him at the Botanical Gardens at midnight.  The Turtles decide to interfere, though Splinter warns them that Father Nature will be at his most powerful with the floral arsenal available at the Botanical Gardens.

The Turtles make it to the Gardens and smash their way in.  After chopping their way through some giant Venus fly-traps, they meet Father Nature, who turns out to be a guy in a costume.  He reveals that he was once a botanist named Michael Meebly who journeyed into the deepest Congo in search of a rare fruit.  He stole a piece from some villagers because their legends said that eating the fruit allowed one to commune with the plant world.  He ate too much, however, and gained the psychic power to control plants.  Thus, he made a stupid costume and became Father Nature: A super villain.

Unimpressed, the Turtles attack and Father Nature uses his giant plants to hold them off.  At the same time, April sneaks in to get some footage and is captured by a giant Venus fly-trap.  Father Nature threatens to let the plant eat her, but Donatello attacks him and bashes him over the side of the head with his staff.  The severe head trauma gives Father Nature amnesia; he can't remember who he is and thus forgets how to psychically control plants.  The giant plants wither and the Turtles hand Meebly over to the cops.

Down in the lair, Donatello notices that Leonardo's prized sewer weed has died from lack of water.  Leo reveals that he's had his fill of plants and can't bear to look at so much as a salad anymore.


Turtle Tips;

*This story was originally published with "Fast Footin'".


Review:

The Turtles battling giant killer plants was conquered territory by the time this comic was published; they'd already done it in the season 2 episode "It Came from Beneath the Sewers".  I'll admit that "The Green Menace" gets more out of the concept than that episode, which only featured one man-eating plant that didn't show up until partway through the second act.  This story gets to the killer plant action ASAP and keeps it going right up until the last page.

While I've expressed in the past that I'm not a big fan of the more overly-lavish painted colors Fleetway often used in their original comics, they do look really good applied to the plant monsters.  The flora all looks very alien and exotic thanks to the loud, swirling colors and it allows them to appear more menacing than they deserve.

And Fleetway's still trying to figure out what to do with Michelangelo and his lack of a weapon in UK-original stories.  In the past he's used just his fists and even a plank of wood as his signature bludgeon.  In this one, he just rolls into battle with a bo staff like Donatello and carries one throughout the whole adventure.  It's not that big a deal, except when the colorist fucks up and we get panels like this:

For a second I thought that was Leonardo, accidentally drawn with Donatello's weapon, accidentally drawn with Michelangelo's belt buckle.  Amalgamate all the Turtles into one and it'll cut your drawing time down by 75%.

The resolution is fuckin' weird, too.  So they couldn't include nunchakus because those were too violent, but Donatello saves the day by smashing Father Nature over the skull with his staff?  And he does it so hard it gives him legit brain damage and that takes care of that.  Good lord.

Lastly, Father Nature looks an awful lot like Floronic Man from Swamp Thing, doesn't he?  Only Floronic Man looked marginally less stupid.

Oh god.  Floronic Man looked less stupid?  That's when you know you've done something wrong.

Fast Footin'

Originally published in: TMHT Adventures #21
Publication date: November 3 - 16, 1990

Plot: Andrew Donkin and Graham Brand
Art: Mick Austin

"Fast Footin'"

Summary:

Down in the lair, the Turtles are about to dig into some pizzas when Splinter tells them that April is making an emergency call via the Turtle Com.  The TMNT check it out via... the television (?) and April informs them that she's investigating the Toxco Chemical Factory in New Jersey.  She's found evidence that they've been dumping waste into the Hudson river, but fears she might have been spotted.  Her transmission is cut off when the factory boss sneaks up behind her and grabs her.

The Turtles hightail it ("fast foot it") to Toxco in the Turtle Van, bringing their pizzas along for the ride.  They sneak under the chain-link fence, but are soon attacked by guard dogs.  Donatello offers them their pizzas and the dogs become docile.  Leonardo gives them one of April's notepads to sniff and the canines lead the Turtles to the room she's being held in.

Inside, the factory boss has April chained to a toxic waste barrel on a conveyor belt heading to a sludge vat.  Once dunked, she'll be chopped up by a propeller and her remains dumped in the Hudson.  The Turtles crash through the wall in the Turtle Van and confront the factory boss.  He responds by summoning his robot guards.

As the other Turtles fight the robots, Leo jumps onto the conveyor belt to free April.  He cuts her loose from the barrel, but not before both of them plunge into the vat.  They're soon sucked toward the propeller and can't get out.  With the robots defeated, Donatello and Raphael run to catch the fleeing factory boss while Michelangelo swoops in on a dangling hook and chain to fish Leo and April out of the vat.  The factory boss is quickly captured and Mikey gets a kiss from April for his efforts.

Later, the Turtles watch April's report on Channel Six, enjoying the news that Toxco will no longer be polluting the river.  The Turtles all lament the horror of pollution and Splinter tells his pupils to practice what they preach by cleaning up the pizza boxes they've left all over the lair floor.


Turtle Tips:

*This story was published alongside "The Green Menace" in the same issue.


Review:

With a title like "Fast Footin'", you'd expect this comic to involve the Foot Clan in some capacity.  But NO!  That would be too obvious.  And Fleetway likes to keep its readership on their toes.

So instead, this story features a combination of the most common element of the Fred Wolf TMNT cartoon (April needing to be rescued) and the most common element of the Archie TMNT comic (environmentalism).  So much for keeping you on your toes.

Predictable as the plot may be, the art from Mick Austin is a nice break from some of the other Fleetway guys who constantly resort to tracing their own poses over and over again.  The draftsmanship is pretty nice (particularly on the splash page where the Turtles are peeking into the window of the room April's being held in) and I do like the flatter coloring style on this installment.  The usual glossy highlights are used judiciously and it isn't as overly painted as other Fleetway Turtle comics (the excessive painted coloring style always made the comics look too heavy and dark).

The rest is all puns and plenty of nonsense.  Why does the factory boss have an army of robots at his disposal?  Why does Mikey suggest they use the Turtle Launcher to get over the fence only for his suggestion to be completely ignored when the Turtles decide to crawl under it?  Why is the Turtle Com transmission being displayed on the television and not the actual Turtle Com?  Why am I even bothering?

One last note is that Splinter calls the Turtles "my sons" in this comic.  Although any familial relationships between the characters was absent from the Fred Wolf cartoon, he actually DID refer to them as "my sons" at least once in the first season of the cartoon.  So I won't chalk that up as an error on the part of the writers.  God, I'm so generous.  YOUR WELCOME, British guys who wrote a cartoon tie-in comic 26 years ago.  You owe me one.